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I need everyone who already paid for their commissions and are still waiting for me to get them done!
Please send me your refs, updated refs and all wishes you need for me to add 
I also need everyone who already paid on PayPal for their commission to send me their email address so I can check if it's really you! 
I sketched most of the paid commissions and plan on finishing them in the following few days

Done sketches are (oc's / owners) 
-kry
-azure
-tacubaya
-incomingsavalanche (+3 more characters)

Anyone missing please let me know!!
I apologize sincerely for the huge delay, I've had a major downfall in life (social life / work / mental health issues / etc) - that's why I couldn't continue working on anything and I feel incredibly bad for letting anyone down or making anyone feel scammed by me 
That's not my intention!!!! Again, I apologize sincerely for everything, I hope you can forgive me..
I'll be closing commissions until I finished the ones that are still waiting to be done

Thank you!

Note: this journal only addresses people who paid via PayPal! 
hey babes im drOWNING in commissions (WHICH IS SUPER GOOD CAUSE IM SLOWLY GETTING MY MOTIVATION BACK) this is just kinda like a heads up that im totally working on them, i just love to get things done first before accepting any money
so if youre waiting for a reply dont worry, i received your message and ill get started on your commission soon!
i might answer all notes first cause paypal takes usually longer to process than commission widget requests
if you requested me through a commission widget please please dont spend the points you planned in for my commission for something else cause i might be gettting your commission done and got no points to accept anymore
trust me ive had this happen many times
so yeah thank you for your patience <33
quick list before we get started

- no too complicated designs
- nsfw is allowed, you gotta inform me first + i wont upload the drawing on my account
- nothing kinky please
- gore is okay, might censor the public upload though but please nothing suicidal
- you are allowed to commission me more than once + multiple things at once
- please give me time, im really dedicated when it comes to my art & i care a lot for detail and anatomy, which might take up a few hours more than expected
- i will only draw ocs that belong to you and only you, if you want me to draw someone elses character i definitely need their permission first

das all
alright i got convinced, thank you so much for all the positive feedback i love you all!!!!<333
ill open commissions for long terms now, feel free to order! i might take up to 2-3 days to accept your order but ill definitely wont let you down
if requests are getting a little overwhelming ill make sure to close them for short terms to get them all done ~

---

I plan on opening them long term now, I really want to be more active over here and also communicate with people cause I still love everyone over here so dearly
And I really miss the time on this site
I feel like opening commissions would be the best thing for me to do cause then I'll have a real reason to keep coming back over here and actually stay
What do you say? Should I open commissions and if yeah, would you be interested? 
it was the worst decision to take a huge break to get some space from all the drama people kept dragging me into
I should have stayed and just gone through it
cause now I lost basically everything
my motivation
all the ideas I had in my head
my friends
my mutuals
and all the people who used to watch my activity almost daily
I feel so sorry, yet Im too exhausted to properly return
All I can do is sit and watch people slowly forget about me 
And hope for the people who have stuck around until now to stay
But they will also eventually go their own way due to me uploading less and less

I hope the memories will stay though.. ❤️
here take a closer look at my stream playlist i heard some of yall dig my taste in music <3

www.youtube.com/playlist?list=…
i mean i got absolutely no problem with that but it'd be premium if you could possibly credit me
since like,, igts still my property you're using there and you should possibly tell people that you're using someone elses stuff to display yourself online i guess
but if there's music to turn up to
you turn up. 
www.youtube.com/channel/UCk9CH…
for all who didn't know, there will be an upcoming animation pretty soon <3
i post a lot of updates on Twitter and Instagram! Links can be found on my page <3
birthday girl
since my paypal is registered in germany i cant always buy anything coming from the us - for example nintendo eshop gamecards
i have a new 3ds with a us-version system and it only allows me to transfer $ to my account and for some reason my paypal doesnt allow me to buy those gift cards
which is pretty much bullshit because like,, what
i can transfer $ but not buy anything,, code related that has another currency ,, ,,, ,, ?
so my question would be - could anyone buy 2 50$ online game cards for me?
just as i mentioned, i can send $ anywhere i want but for some reason not to fucking,, nintento dflhgfk
i have got the 100$ already safe and sound on my paypal and as soon as somebody can help me i can immediately send them over!
however, i will only do this transaction with people i know and trust, i dont want to get scammed
www.amazon.com/eCash-Nintendo-…
this is the link, its a legit amazon link and its purchasable with paypal
really all i need is someone coming from the us to help me buy these two e- codes 
i would be super happy if anyone could help me out!
watching great/smooth animations and thinking about the times i used to strive for making those and other super well thought out and creative animations makes me so sad
because i know exactly the times i used to have the freetime, ideas and motivation to make them are truly over
i realized i'd have to go back like approximately 3-4 years to get back to the level of creativity i used to have
maybe its just a phase and im just rambling
maybe those times will come back in like half a year to one whole or so
but for now i see no future for anything i have planned at all
and it makes me sheer rage about myself
i'd have to go back being an ultra sad sack to be able to produce all those bomb ass animations again
all of this is just one huge dilemma

do i continue living, making my life the best it can be, devoting my time to work and friends while working hard to collect regular money for my future
then in the near future going on tour with my man, travelling the world with a tour bus and being just as happy and carefree as i can be

or do i give up all of that to go back doing what i love so much, probably becoming mentally ill and sit in front of my computer 24/7 
with all the free time i want, connecting to hundreds of people, having about 203 friends and basing my life on being online every minute of the day and tube feeding

i know opt nr 2 is a little over exaggerated
but i am out of school for more than a year now
i used to have so much freetime
loads of freetime
and no irl friends to hang out with
i'd have to quit my job and register myself as unemployed
and also distance myself from my bf and all the friends i have gathered along one and a half years
which would cause exactly what i have listed up in option two

idk i feel really down for some reason and i really dont even know why im posting all of this on fucking ,,, deviantart
like really this is the last site i'd ramble on like this
but for some reason i feel like this is the site i'll be getting the most answers from
please dont worry about me though!!! as the title says these are only thoughts!! yeah i'm feeling a little bit down the drain but other than that everythings fine!!

im just getting really sad looking back at the times i used to be the most active on youtube and here on deviantart
especially watching old animations from me and past friends
i wish i could somehow take a break from life and go back to those times
like just for one day

but i know exactly things will never be like they used to be back in those days

this journal isnt even fully written yet and i can already sense people telling me to just take my time, they'll wait with much love for me to upload
but this really isnt just time issues anymore
i have a gigantic lack of motivation which can basically only be retrieved by me being a sad sack again
this sounds harsh and i have a feeling some people might take this the wrong way (meaning they'll feel addressed for some reason)
but trust me, this is only about myself, me thinking about the very past of myself and so on
anyways, to bring back the motivation that made me create most of my popular animations i'd literally have to wreck myself completely
you might ask yourselves why at this point
it's pretty easy and fast to explain actually: my animations got created in about 90% of days i have gone through shit or felt extra depressed
my entire animation channel got built up upon sadness and loneliness
and thats why i dont think that motivation is coming back any time soon
especially with me being out all day, working, spending half or even more of the week at my bfs
and just not having any time for myself at all, not thinking about any worries i got and living a carefree life without any major problems
i simply forget about my hobby

i forget to draw
i forget to animate
i sometimes even forget that i own a large youtube channel with more and more people forgetting about my existence altogether

and it hurts deep inside of my heart
it hurts so much 

okay i didnt intend to cry but hey, 
once again
these are just thoughts,,


maybe things will change one day,,
i wish they would

but yeah,, i love you, thank you for being with me
is never wrong of course. as long as you see them doing good and big progress in changing their behaviour and how they used to be as a person.
forgiving somebody is important, it is a big stress relief and it also strengthens bondings between two or more people.
but there is absolutely no problem in not forgiving a person who has shown no signs of changing their behaviour or personality whatsoever.
there is no reason in being forgiving towards them or giving them any more chances. if people like them try to return to you, dont be afraid to deny their apologies. 
you don't have to get yourself into the same toxic friendship/relationship once again. nobody deserved such people around them, especially not if they pull you right back into their toxic obsession.
live freely, dont bond yourself to those kinda people.
and if youre currently stuck in such a friendship/relationship and are too scared to leave that person behind because you fear they might call you out dont worry, there will always be enough people on your side who have enough loyal friends to back them and you up, even me. i am always on the side of justice. if you're getting treated unfairly i will make sure to keep you safe and secure.
i am 100% on the side of everyone who has ever gotten treated badly while being friends with or together with a really abusive person. i have had enough similar things like these happen to me before and i have always gotten back up on my feet, with and without the help of other people. 
i want to return that. to everybody being stuck in such a situation.
if you need me i will always be right here, i might need some time to get back to you and i take a lot longer than other people to reply/ text altogether but i promise to always give 100% in all the help you'll ever get from me.

stay safe everyone and please know YOU ARE strong. you CAN break up with them, you CAN tell them to never talk to you ever again.
all that will make you have free room to be yourself around your real friends. and trust me, as soon as you left behind that abusive person/ those abusive people you're surrounded by, real, trusting and a million times more loyal friends will be right ahead.
i love you!
people who wish you bad will always have it worse.
and exactly that is called karma. give them their reverse karma - let them know you feel brilliant, but never wish them bad in return.

hello

Sat Feb 3, 2018, 8:57 AM
Its been a long time since i decided to leave
But i am not coming back, at least not on deviantart thats for sure
Its not about the memories and people over here, thats actually not the problem
Worse is rather the fact that deviantart just generally gives a large shit about how its users feel on this website
It is not a safe site at all, its non supportive and also extremely profit orientated.
and those three facts cant really compete with each other, thats my biggest problem
I mean yeah i know, every site is somewhat profit orientated but deviantart really takes the hit
And i am no longer up to this two-sided bull, sorry for the language

I have learned a lot while i was gone
And for the most important, i have learned to be myself. To be happy and to not let anyone or anything pull me down. I am no longer a scaredy cat that runs and hides from its problems. I stand up to them, even taller too.
I have felt bad for leaving all the supportive people behind for so long, since day one
And all that's why im not going to give up
I want to remain strong, for all the people who have been following me since the begin
I want to be there for them and i want to keep inspiring them to become bigger and stronger
I want to be there for you and i want to give all my love to you until i am no longer able to.
Thats why im here. To tell you that i am back. Bigger and stronger than before and ready to move on.
I hope you forgive all the mistakes i have done in the past and for leaving you behind, its not gonna happen again and i am sure of that
I will be on twitter if you need me @/nhykush
I am waiting for you, for the second chance and to inspire you with thoughts, ideas and most importantly
art

guys, im back. Officially.

Created by KathleenMitch

goodbye?

Tue May 30, 2017, 2:08 PM
i have honestly no idea anymore
i've been thinking about quitting for a long while now, ever since i have started animating less
i have no time for animating things due to upcoming difficulties/beginning a new life, i have no motivation and especially no inspiration to do anything

i'm just really done with basically all social media to be honest

but its not just the lack of motivation and inspiration that drives me to a near end

for some reason there is not one single day where i can peacefully log on and enjoy my stay over anywhere
every day something new happens
and i dont even need to move one hair to get into "new drama" again
i literally only have to sit and wait until the next person speaks up about apparently having had bad experiences with me once
and the worst part of all is
even though i'm really trying my best to stay out of things
some people still get even more people to turn against me
and sometimes they even just
reveal stuff i have completely forgotten about 

and with revealing "stuff" im talking about 2014-2015 things i have either said or done 

at some point quite a few people are already even bringing up points that are absolutely unnecessary
like for me not replying to comments
not animating a lot
changing my name to basically be able to let go off who i was
leaving the past behind
changing my mindset about things
basically changing my content and myself

all that
i simply dont understand any of this anymore

and then they tell you "you gotta learn that this is the internet" and to "grow up"

and honestly, i have absolutely no problem with packing my things and simply leaving 
the number of people magically turning against me because somebody says A. Thing. is just crazy
they dont even need any additional explanations (maybe from like,, me or something like that) 
no
they simply believe something someone said and thats it
plus, not to mention there's absolutely no way back

like seriously i could just go ahead and for example
bash on one of my really close friends yoj
i could say the most terrible things about him while we both would be laughing at everything together behind the screen
and people wouldnt even care to ask 

if the things i said are really true

half of the people turning against me have never even interacted with me before
all they heard were "experiences" someone made
lets just quickly add the fact that what happened occured years ago

i've heard a bunch of people say how awful and apparently nasty my personality is
and i have partly never even seen those guys before

how do these people exactly know anything about me
all they know about me are a bunch of glowing pixels, binary codes, more codes and a bunch of letters put together forming a simple text
that is it

they have probably never even seen my face before
experienced my voice in reallife
how my skin feels like

no n  e of that


h o w 
do they know who i really am and what i am as a person
a human being 
in flesh and bone


anyways, sorry i got carried away there
what i wanted to say is that i'm going to take my time
i really am
i will think deeply about whether it's a better choice for me to stay on the internet or completely delete everything

many of you might peobably think that "drama is easy to ignore", "haters gonna hate" and to "leave the trolls be" because yeah,, its the internet and it doesnt really affect my reallife
the thing is that nobody really knows what's happening in my life because i just dont like talking about personal things
i remember once saying something like
that internet things should stay on the internet (thats why little to no people actually even know about my youtube channel)
and reallife things should stay in reallife because they absolutely dont belong into the internet
the only people who know about what happenes in my life are my close friends and thats it
thats also why i deeply hate to mention this right now but 
i've got major difficulties at home and in general relationships currently
those difficulties make it even harder for me to be able to properly animate and be as active as i once used to be 
and for me the internet bayically used to be my only hideaway because i knew i've got many accepting people over there who love my art, my animations and generelly like to share their happiness

but not anymore
as i have mentioned, lately there has not been one single day where i could log on without one person "speaking up" about me again
without me even having to do anything

i could understand if those things were like close to serious public harassment, bullying and/ or threats 
but that is simply not the case
people start to speak up about small, personal misunderstandings that - okay, i can understand - might have bothered them to no end
but that is really not the end of the world
those things can be easily talked about in private and can eventually be forgiven in no second, it is really that simple
instead of not even trying to talk with me first but rather directly presenting their thoughts to the public 

but anyways,,
i know i have got a bunch of people supporting me 
and i'm sure they will continue supporting me through this decision

i dont know if i will return with an update or just
leave entirely, i have absolutely no idea
all of that is bound to the next few days, how i feel logging on to any of the websites i've got an account on

if i do decide to leave entirely however
i will post a huge goodbye message to everyone supporting me
maybe do one last livestream 
and then be gone

i will finish of course any owed art and animations 
but that will be really it

im sorry for this very quick decision but i felt the need to at least tell you guys whats going on 
instead of deleting everything without even saying a thing

however,, there might be a small chance of me staying though,, 
but that really depends on the close future,, 



until then
i wish all of you a wonderful time, i love you all so dearly
and im so sorry for any inconveniences i (ever) caused you

see you

Created by KathleenMitch
there are many videos trying to explain a dogs body language 
but be careful which ones youre about to trust

let me explain why

many of you probably already know about my dog "flocke"
for those who dont - i've got a small, light-creme coloured havanese called "flocke"
and i probably even know him better than some other people know their own dog actually
to know how your dogs trying to "tell you things" you have know their body language
since dogs (and of course other animals, but im going to focus on dogs this time) cant speak, they'll use their body and sounds to tell you about their mood
all dogs have a similar way of telling you about something certain 
my dog for example is practically communicating with me through his entire body the whole time and for some reason i always understand him perfectly
for me he's actually not even just a dog,, hes like one of my best irl friends kinda
his characteristics have really human-like similarities which is pretty interesting? and i can pretty much understand even the slightest changes of his mood very well
i've also got something that's very worth mentioning - he has never been to any kind of professional dog training courses. Ever. 
i didnt need to watch any kind of "explanatory" videos either to get to know what he is really like
i of course learned the basics like "tail wagging" and "licking" when i was little, i didnt know that from the beginning
but everything else happened pretty much on its own (feelings like joy, sadness, frustration and even shame, and jealousy - i learned all of that from solely spending much time with him) 

what i basically wanted to point out is that its important to know your own dog first before trying to interpret everything the internet says into your own dog, since not all of these "signs" those videos usually try to explain always fit to all kinds of dogs
for example something simple like nose licking - if my dog looks directly at you and licks his nose its a sign that he's either feeling comfortable around you and kind of blows you a small kiss (like as if he's saying "mwah! you're so adorable")
or hes just being hungry OR has a runny nose on hot days
some videos tend to explain/ interpret that as a sign of "anger" or "unease"
which might be true with some dogs, but again - before believing that, you really need to get to know your own dog first
small signs like these are also bound to a dogs body language of course, a dog licking its nose can have different meanings, those are all bound to its body language and thats pretty much the most important fact that always needs to be considered
something thats also really important is how some videos tend to tell you how "you're not allowed to look directly into a dogs eyes"
thats not always true!!
some dogs might get "offended" by that, yeah, but what they usually do as a reaction to that is to look right away and just not pay attention to you anymore

as for my dog - him looking directly into your eyes is a sign of close trust (most of the time)
either that or he really is just inspecting your body language, kinda like "reading" your thoughts but being rather curious about you (in a positive way)
dogs are very sensitive to different moods and they can easily sense if you like them, if you're afraid of them, etc
(if you approach them carefully they'll usually do the exact same, thats what im trying to explain here)

what im intending to say is that every dog is different, just like every human is 
all of them have different personalities, some are rather quiet and careful, others are extroverted and careful and again others are just complete clowns pretty much all the time 

as a conclusion: don't always rely on the internet when it comes to a dogs behaviour (and actually in general too), go ahead, make your own experiences and learn from them, its always the best you can do

and most importantly, have lotsa fun with ur pup
give them a kiss from me too, they're a good pup

Created by KathleenMitch

i will never understand

Fri May 26, 2017, 7:31 AM
how a bunch of people can be so awful to others even if they have done like absolutely nothing at all
i mean
you dont like animations/cartoons/anime? thats okay, absolutely no problem with that. nobodys judging you for that.
but fucking 
bashing on others like "fucking weaboo" or saying something like "you were never original in the first place" to any kind of animator
that is just rude?? why do you have to spread so much fucking useless hate on someone who has never done anything bad, especially not to you
or like in general, when someone enjoys something that does not fucking hurt you
why do you have to insult other people for feeling comfortable with what they like 
if someone enjoys the colour pink that doesnt mean they're "such a fucking pussy girl" 
or being a furry?? i mean im not a fan of the furry fandom and i dont consider myself as one/never really had
but i am happy for every single furry that has found their way of life, they're happy and that makes me happy too 
and then just going ahead and insulting those people or even throwing death threats like 
seriously??? do you really consider that as an o k a y thing to do?? 
hurting people who have NEVER even looked at you?????? 
that is not fair
and i am seriously mad this is reality
we are living in two thousand fucking seventeen
this should not be a thing
fucking hell

i am praying so so much for karma to one day fuck their lives so so badly
i'm probably going to get a karma backlash for saying that too but its seriously worth it
i just really hope those people will one day realize what they were causing with their unnecessary fucking hate 
or simply just suffer for making other people feel bad for themselves, even though they have done absolutely nothing wrong

Created by KathleenMitch