|Not right now.|
CHAPTER ONE – Bleached
Only silence and paralysis fell upon me in reality as an ultimate sense of constipation had burrowed into my skull, overshadowing all other now-seemingly insignificant thoughts. Fumbling and filtering through the items in my lavender purse, I couldn’t find the phone which I’d been holding a few moments ago. I woke up a little earlier than I normally would, due to my inability to contain my bowels against a high-protein and peppery meal, with the addition of a side dish of dysmenorrhea; bloody hell.
A full two minutes of internal shrieking and a few hints of authentic grunting passed by, yet the experience was far from over. And then it struck me, like a speeding blue hedgehog, it bricked out so fast I contracted a brief case of PTSD and had ‘Nam flashbacks.
“MY ASS, HOLY SHIT, IT’S BEING RIPPED APART! LORD HELP ME, IT’S PEEKING OUT! GOD LEFT ME UNFINISHED!”
To add insult to injury, my phone which was merely a foot from arm’s reach, began vibrating and starting the sound I set as an alarm for 4:20AM. Playing from the low-quality speakers of my smartphone, a horribly-combined remix of “Guillotine” and “Takyon” by Death Grips echoed through the bathroom at full volume. Full volume. I dropped my purse, whereas most of its contents rattled on the floor. It was at that moment when I once again realized how bad my life choices truly were. My inaudible screaming and worthless tears worsened as I got up to silence my phone, a drop of shit splattered on the toilet seat and enthusiastically rolled onto the ground, smearing itself over the tiles. And to top it off, my sister used the last bit of toilet paper. My palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. Sweating profusely, clenching intensely. “Shouldn’t have tried that spicy pepperoni.”