NOTE: What you're about to read are the thoughts of someone drowned in bitterness about what is frankly something really petty to be getting upset about. I'm feeling much better after having had a good night's sleep, and since nothing's going to change, anyway - not in terms of my relationship with the WSW, at least - I might as well embrace the status quo and not destroy myself over it. As for the anecdote... Well, I guess not getting to talk about it at the Town Haul was a bit of a blessing if I look at it the right way, seeing as I probably wouldn't have been able to say much at all, at least not ad hoc. I might or might not make a new journal for that story, but as for everything below: Read at your own risk, and know that I'm no longer standing by anything I said.
This Town Haul is the first one I attended in months and I was looking forward to the event that has us share our anecdotes as to how we got into Touhou, Walfas, and ultimately the Walfas Station Wagon.
Except when it was my turn to speak, RaidCall decided to fuck up and not let me have the word.
Having practically ragequit the program at that, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm even all that at all. Hell, my anecdote would have been one of many to follow the same pattern: Learn of Touhou through YouTube videos (e.g. "Marisa Stole The Precious Thing", anything that is a remix of "U.N. Owen Was Her?", ...), discover Walfas animations by Vic, Stevo, Spaz, Beats etc., start playing EoSD and get your ass handed to you by it, discover the WSW, make Walfas thinfs, improve social skills and generally grow as a person.
That aside, the question isn't "What have I done for the Station Wagon?" as much as it is "What is it that I'm presently contributing to the Station Wagon and am I involving myself in it?" To which my answer is this:
I suppose there was no point in leaving the WSW in the first place, aside from perhaps cooling my head from the ordeals that were. Even now, there's no point in leaving, so don't worry about me repeating history ad infinitum because even I'm too weary for that shit. But there's just as little point in staying. Slightly more, but only marginally.
When I rejoined, I did so in the hopes that I could turn everything around and actually involve myself with the community. We all can see how that didn't happen. I popped into the U-Haul exactly three times since that time: Twice very briefly to try and talk to people (and fail miserably because they would talk about stuff that just didn't pique my interest - sorry guys, you really aren't to blame), and once just as briefly for that Town Haul just now. And even if I do feel like dropping in on a whim, the thought of a certain someone (who I will not mention by name and I hope that you will not try to guess who I'm talking about (not like it isn't obvious)) is simply repelling me from going through with it.
So neither am I mingling with the rest of the community (aside from the handful of friends I'd made), there's nothing I'm doing for it, either. Attempts at offering requests have all ended in me closing them (after the second time for good) because I just couldn't bring myself to draw anything (and if I did draw something, I would end up scrapping it or leaving it incomplete forever), I haven't made a Walfas thinf since August (and never will), and I don't think anything about that is ever going to change. At least not as long as I'm in the rut I simply can't get out of, no matter what.
So I will continue to be a Wagoner, albeit in name only because the last time I left went so well. Chances are I'll never use RaidCall again, so feel free to remove me from your contacts there because fuck that piece of dog shit. And if you think you can tell me how I'm contributing to the community currently (NOT how I contributed to it in the past), then please do enlighten me, because there might be a chance that my bitterness is vastly reducing my field of vision.