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So, just now, I sifted through some of my journals for the sake of a trip down memory lane, and I found the one where I gave up. I know I wanted to leave it in the past forever, but that was just me still being freshly wounded.

Anyway, I don't remember the exact details of what happened on that day and the days after that (though the follow-up journal explains my emotional state sufficiently well), but a recap is not the point of this journal. Rather, it's the realization that struck me.

:iconhtfcirno2000::iconsaysplz:To elaborate, I'd hate to see a team member of Gaijin Alex just go like this, it's really a shame.
:icondeitydiz93::iconsaysplz: I don't want to lose you over someone so petty, you've made great content that have always like coming back to see again from time and time again. I don't want you to be done here, it would make me so sad.
:iconmyonnyanmukyuu::iconsaysplz:I cannot stand to see you go, after all the great things you have done.
:iconferaligono::iconsaysplz:So all the great things you've done up until now were meaningless?
:icontrynt33::iconsaysplz:So, all the work you've done. Pointless? All the friends and people you met. Pointless? All of the things you've done and worked hard to do. Pointless?
:iconcruelty-of-fate::iconsaysplz:Everything you've done.. There was so much meaning to it..
:iconfullhitpoints::iconsaysplz:What about all the music you've composed? What about all the art you've drawn? What about all the friends you've made? You've done a lot to be proud of. It doesn't have to end like this.

As expected, you guys were so right about everything you said. During the time I had gone into hiding, I had repeatedly checked the journal to see what comments would roll in. I felt insignificant. I felt powerless. And it made me feel like all I did accounted to nothing. But you were all there in the blink of an eye to try and convince me otherwise. Those that I quoted, in addition to :iconspaztique:, :iconuniwaifu: and :icontobiobito4ever:.

Not to unnecessarily kiss my own ass, but I've spread into more than just one form of art, to varying degrees of competency, and while I have my slumps where I feel like nothing's going my way, I always end up coming back for more, holding out for that next milestone to be achieved. You all were the ones who gave me that push to always reach greater heights, whether or not it was your intention. Simply your support and your feedback is what keeps me going, and in retrospect, shutting down had shown me just how much I'd taken everything and everyone for granted. You never know what you have until it's taken away from you, and that goes both ways. Aaron and Diz were particularly distraught, Rumiflan got a bit furious at me, and others surely became crestfallen one way or another. I'm deeply, truly sorry that this happened. But on the other end, I realized only now just how much I really need you all. First I nearly throw everything into the wind, then I leave the Station Wagon instead of making the effort of re-integrating myself. I mean, who the fuck cares whether or not my work is Walfas? The community is where it's really at, and I see that now... but I still can't quite bring myself to rejoin. The will and the drive are there, but I feel like I need to get some stuff taken care of before I make that step. After all, I'll have to be committed, lest it'd defeat the purpose of coming back.

So, thank you all. Thank you for always being there for me, especially when things are at their bleakest. I feel like last November was a valuable experience for me, so while I do regret that it happened, I simply know that I wouldn't have had this revelation without it.
trynt33 Featured By Owner May 5, 2015  Student Digital Artist
We'll always be there for you, man. We'd never betray you.
DeityDiz93 Featured By Owner Edited May 4, 2015  Student Digital Artist
This really just made my year.

I honestly admit that I was afraid to see complete and total disappear from someone I've grown to appreciate so much, as a content creator, and as a good friend. I think what made me so emotionally wreaked from that past ordeal was the fact that I tried to reach out to you, but was immediately shot down in that attempt, you going offline at the time did it for me emotionally.

All I could think about was the heartfelt messages we shared with each other. I was so happy when we finally talked and made our amendments to each other after the matter settled down, there are many days were I think of those words from you and appreciate them. But I admit that this very day: I've been very shy about messaging you, the last thing I wanted to do was upset you again, otherwise I'd be trying to talk with you a lot more.

The community is where it's really at, and I see that now...

We were all worried that we wouldn't see you again, but I remember how I was, and how the others reacted to your leave, the message "I'm done", the removal of the content on dA, and so on and so forth. There was nothing but sadness and disappointment all around, almost everyone wished that it wouldn't end like that. Popfan, I think your influence had a much bigger impact on many of general members and admins then you might have expected.

In fact I've been using Enthused Historian of the Old World as my profile picture on Skype ever since that day, just because it was the only way I felt I could approach, and I've seen no reason to change that picture as I'm also beyond thankful for the time and effort you took to draw that on my behalf. Just know that I value your friendship highly. 

While you still aren't keen on rejoining the WSW as of now, I hope that should you decide to, that the rest of the community receives you back with open arms if you decide to rejoin someday, I know for a fact I would wholeheartedly welcome you back in.

On my end, however as of now, I have to make a monthly commitment on my end to real life, so I won't be able to chat right away as much as I would like to, but do let me know if you are interested to chat again sometime, as I would really like to hear from you as soon as I am able to respond again.

Really though, thank you so very much for this journal Popfan, you've really made a individual overjoyed with your words today.

One last thing though:

I forgive you, Popfan.
ORT451 Featured By Owner May 4, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
I hope to see more from you soon, pop. Take care.
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Submitted on
May 4, 2015


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