I'm done with being done.
|4 min read
popfan95b's avatar
By popfan95b   |   Watch
1 0 366 (1 Today)
Published: November 20, 2014

Try as I might, I just can't find the right words to express what I should say. I guess the short story is that recent events caused me to BSOD. The realization that led to this course of action came while talking to HTFCirno2000, who I told that I was seriously considering just throwing everything away because I felt that a website with such utterly unprofessional and lazy staff just wasn't worth my time anymore.

I ended up putting all of my stuff in storage and leaving behind two words: “I'm done.” And at that point, I really was done. I just wanted to be left alone, go sulk in a corner for a few days. Anyone who did manage to elicit a response from me one way or another got to see me in a most bitter and vile state. I just felt powerless and insignificant all over again (despite everyone's reassuring attempts) and it was driving me up the walls.

When I did open up to a few who had openly expressed worry towards me, I was still every bit as bitter as I had been to start with. But unreasonability eventually shatters in the face of reason, and thus I slowly began sobering up.

Mind you, I'm still not quite there. I still feel bitter and will likely feel so for quite some time in the future. But I at least owe it to you to put your worries to rest. I can't apologize for the things I said and did, because no apology could ever hope to excuse my misdeeds. Nor do I feel any sort of remorse, perhaps because I knew, deep down, that I was eventually going to come back anyway. The perceptive ones among you may have noticed that I could have gone a lot farther than I did, such as outright delete my submissions, deactivate my account, and remove everyone from my Skype and Steam. But I didn't, did I? All that happened was that I worried everyone sick for a few days, and that will soon be forgotten, anyway. I know it probably makes me sound like a complete and utter asshole, but that's just my current stance on things. Time will tell whether or not I do end up feeling regret, and I'll be sure to let you know when that time comes.

I'm going to bring most of my submissions back. Not all, but the ones not brought back are unlikely to be missed, as they're not exactly my better works, anyway, or I just wanted to cut ties with those a long time ago. One submission that definitely won't be seen again will be my pledge. What I've done has proven in one swift motion that the words on the piece of paper I held up no longer apply to me. I don't deserve to stand on the front lines.

With all that said, please honor just one request: Don't comment on this journal. Don't talk to me about what I did in private. I just want this chapter to end already and would prefer if everyone just forgot about it altogether. I've done horrible things, but time is said to heal all wounds, so let's just move on. Also, just as I don't feel sorry for the things I've done, neither should you. Whatever you may have said to me, I deserved all of it. Just leave it in the past. I'm begging you.

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