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Dear Spaztique,

Three days ago, you wrote this journal, and as much as I hate to admit it, reading it, as well as the comments beneath, has made me strongly question the worth of my relationship with you.

Don't get me wrong. I still think you're a fountain of inspiration, someone who has a piece of advice to offer for almost every situation - well, at least every situation relevant to most people associating themselves with you. But with this journal, you effectively shot yourself in the foot, particularly the part about the "unsung heroes" and how you insist the WSW needs more of these. Fair enough, but there are two things so very wrong with the way you phrased your arguments. Nothing that hasn't been brought up by others (specifically, but not limited to :iconscarletdevilvocaloid:, :iconalgaenymph: and :iconfullhitpoints:), so I'm just rehashing already-said stuff, but here goes.

One:
I'm not talking about those kinds of heroes: the ones who resolve the crisis after it happened.
I'm talking about the unsung heroes: the ones who prevent the crisis from ever happening.
What I hope you realize is that this is the internet. It's hard enough in real life to tell what a person is thinking, but online, when all you have to go by is text written by that person, it's so much easier to hide things. When it comes to understanding people, you are, among the rest of the WSW, second to none. However, when someone has an issue, they tend to bottle it up, not allowing others to find out what's wrong until it's too late. You seem to expect everyone to be able to read minds; over the internet, no less. But what's even worse is that, from the way you worded your journal, and from the way you worded yourself during that argument with SDV, you're not willing at all to give those who at least make an effort to resolve a crisis after it's occurred (because, as I said, they couldn't possibly have had a way of knowing it was coming) any appreciation. And that would just be a very binary way of thinking: "Either you resolve the crisis before it can even start, or you might as well not be helping at all."
That may not have been your intention to say, but it's exactly how it came across.

Two:
No quotes, because this one's practically all over your journal. You claim to be literally the only one who pulls their weight around the WSW, and that notion is just utterly deplorable. It's kind of intertwined with my first point in that it seems that you're completely disregarding those who are at least trying to put the fire out. Some may be doing it for the glory, but did it ever cross your mind that there may be a lot of people in the WSW who... oh, I don't know... LOVE THE STATION WAGON and want to resolve crises to the best of their abilities (which, by the way, don't involve the clairvoyance you demand) out of their love for the group? Many members feel like the WSW is a second home, and that's a fact. For many (even for myself, in the short time I was riding along), it has changed their lives for the better, and that's a fact. To those helping (or trying to help), your journal may have very well been a hefty kick in the nads, and that's... well, not exactly a fact I could easily back up, but it's certainly how I feel about it.

I'm not even going to address the general tone of your journal, because AlgaeNymph put it quite nicely. So let's move on to my greatest worry.

I didn't actually realize it until ScarletDevilVocaloid pointed it out, but it's hard to get to know you on an emotional level. Looking back at my own experiences with you, I don't think I've ever talked to you about anything but ongoing crises in the WSW (like right now) or stuff I made. To me, you just don't seem very compatible for talking about other, random things. The fact that I hardly even see you online thanks to incompatible time zones doesn't help in the least. And that's problematic. We may be getting along on the rare occasions we actually do get to talk, but I can hardly consider you a friend in the same way I consider FullHitPoints to be one. A guy who I hang out with almost every day, who I've been effectively bonding with over several dev sessions, who I've had many occasions where we'd laugh like absolute retards for minutes on end, but also who I've had my fair share of strong arguments with that would threaten to kill the friendship. That's the mark of a great friend, yet it's what you are not. As I said before, you're a fountain of advice and you're also the definition of a good leader. But at the same time, you're also very aloof. I can't really put my finger on why, but perhaps it's that you're so successful, it makes people look up to and revere you, yet at the same time keeps them in awe and thinking they're not worthy of being close to you. We both know that's bullshit, but that's likely what keeps people at a distance. Perhaps it'd be prudent for you to can Spaz the Workaholic and bring out Spaz the People Person. You claim to have social skills, and while I certainly don't doubt that, now would be the best time to put them to use. Get down from the high horse that people think you're sitting on and mingle with the common folk. Unfortunately I don't really have any advice for how to accomplish that, but there's like 500 other people in the Wagon you can ask. All I know is that it is indeed very much possible to become close and personal friends with someone you regarded as something of a celebrity at first.

Sincerely,
Popfan
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:iconspaztique:
Spaztique Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think the big issue is for the last couple of months, I haven't been online for really anything but maintenancing the WSW, which is likely the source of my frustrations as of late. I've been offline a ton since August, running out of momentum for virtually everything, and I was hoping that in my absence, there'd be more people taking care of tutorials, community projects, issues, etc, but for roughly six months now, it's mainly been me. I'd love to give credit to more people, but there's really nobody who comes to mind: I don't see anybody the rest of the Walfas community really looks up to for support or help.

I do recall we did have times talking about other things than crises, and there was even a time I had to remind you to lay off the heavy topics. It's not that I don't bring up light-hearted stuff: I do that quite often, especially when I get online to chat on Raidcall or Skype. It's something I tell to virtually everyone who brings up stuff like his: if you want to talk about lighthearted stuff, I got plenty to talk about. If you want to bring up the issues, I'm also fine with that: I really try giving control to the person talking. I'm more a of listener.

Anybody who talks to me about regular stuff at length knows I can be approachable. I think it's anyone who talks to me about nothing but serious stuff sees me as a "workaholic emotionless robot." The ultimate remedy is just talking to me about anything else: I'm virtually always available unless my status says otherwise.

Another problem is approaching people, which is why I wrote that whole Star Power Doesn't Work guide: as Barbakki says below, he thinks I'm "insincere" and feels I'm "behind a wall," and people who never initiate contact with me feel the same way. When people approach me for things beyond Walfas projects and hobby stuff, they find me warm and friendly.

I think this really just boils down to "talk to me more." And if you need me to talk to you more, just say, "Hey, talk to me more."

There's this misconception I'm a workaholic. I'm not: I'm actually very lazy, but when I do work, I get tons of work done in short amounts of time. Also, I'm not inaccessible when I'm working: I'm inaccessible when I'm not working. When I'm not working, I'm usually offline doing next to nothing. When I'm working, that's when I'm at my most active, my most social, my most friendly, my most "me." Plus, if I were on more often, I'd be more available to talk, regardless of whether I worked or not.

Blame my laziness for my problems, not my workaholicness: my workaholicness when I first started out is what made me so social in the first place, and my laziness as of late has been killing it. If I had my ideal schedule, I'd spend half of my day chatting with friends and the other half working (while chatting with friends).

But lastly, and probably most importantly, thank you for actually pointing something out that's wrong! Do not be surprised if I actually get a little boost in activity after this. I need people to say this kinda stuff to me directly and in a manner that points out everything from all possible directions. Nobody ever tells me these things until it's too late: I often just get information through the grapevine. (Now, if only people made these kinds of posts to the rest of the WSW mods.)
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:iconbarbakki:
barbakki Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015  Professional Artist
when i was in the walfas station wagon, i found it a bit hard to emotionally relate to spaztique
because i felt as if he was behind a wall, whether it was his doing or not
i think this might be because of the walfas station wagon's general reception of him, but i always felt whenever i talked to him it wasn't sincere

also, obligatory ^
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:icontachola:
Tachola Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015
HERE WE GO
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:iconalgaenymph:
AlgaeNymph Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015
Thank you for the mention. ^_^

I've never thought of Spaz as aloof, though my lack of experience doesn't invalidate your concerns.  However, I've noticed that ever since he came back from UtGW he's been pushing people to be outstanding (because 4th place gets nothing), honestly believing that anything else is life-wasting damnation.

I find productivity praiseworthy, but imperatives to productivity suspicious.  Be outstanding for whom?  Me, or your ideal?  This is why people are wary of Lawful Good.
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:iconscarletdevilvocaloid:
ScarletDevilVocaloid Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015  Student Digital Artist
:iconthisplz:
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