So. As it turns out, £122 for a new phone line to be installed, when I'm only going to be where I am another 18 months tops. Reasonable enough to say I can't afford that... though it sounds a little crazier when I say that I then went and bought a second hand iPhone for £190 instead. I will I'm hoping get a bit more use out of it though, and it does have built-in wireless capability.
I could tell the hypothetical yous all about it, but then I'd have to shoot myself because I'd have become an obnoxious Mac-head. Just because Apple thinks I'm an idiot doesn't mean I do too.