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I walk alone the train is empty.
Some child laughs,his mother holds him tight.
I watch the snowflakes,still so tempting.
The frozen windows keep flowing through the night.

A sudden halt,the snow is showing power,
Alarming rumours of uneasiness and cold.
The people though don't act like cowards...
They all seem happy,wise and old

So after many frozen moments
The shadow of these rails is real again.
There are no promises of torments...
I'm careful as i disembark the train.

But nothing could prepare me for the frostbite.
Through all the snowy storm,i feel again alone,
A simple smile though,barbaric like a sunrise,
I smile for i have made my journey home.
Oh well this is my first submission for ~Monolith-Verses

It's inspired by a trip that i made home last winter.

It's not written in my usual style and it was quite a challenge

Also this poem contains the very first disclaimer i ever wrote...ahem here it goes:

I give ~Monolith-Verses full permission to submit this poem in their gallery,
as long as i get the full credit for it

^^^ that was sort of bizarre

Hope you enjoy :)
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:iconnocturnal-jester:
Nocturnal-Jester Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2004
i love your writing.. beautiful poem.. i'll +watch you..
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:iconaarono:
AaronO Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2004   Digital Artist
Since you want some advanced critique, I'll give you some.

I really like the imagery, but I was hoping to see more elaboration on certain aspects of this wintry landscape. I don't think that if you added more about the landscape, it would alter or degenerate the symbolism in your poem. I just like to see a lot of visual references, and I store them in my mind when I read landscape-based poetry. "Barbaric like a sunrise," was a line that really made me think about how the sun can symbolically be barbaric. I like how you let the reader leave it up to their imagination also.

So specific, yet so wonderfully vague at the same time.
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:iconmtlv:
MTLV Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
nice work... this gives me nice images in my head :)
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:iconmonolith-verses:
Monolith-Verses Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2004
hmm, very nice flow to this, is this a poem for the contest going on?
Reply
:iconpoetry-of-hate:
poetry-of-hate Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2004
Well of course it is for the contest,I think it fits very well in the "Memories" subsection :)

Best regards,George
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:iconanipig:
anipig Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2004  Student General Artist
i like that, it flows perfectly and creates a vivid picture in my mind. i could read it over and over.
Reply
:iconpoetry-of-hate:
poetry-of-hate Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2004
Thank you very much for the comment and +fav
Reply
:iconfemrooney:
femrooney Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2004
gotta say i like this one a lot :)
Reply
:iconpoetry-of-hate:
poetry-of-hate Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2004
Thank you for your support
Reply
:iconfemrooney:
femrooney Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2004
:)
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