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Deathbed Ramblings

Within this existence i find little reason to continue on. There really is no reason, unless you consider continuing existence for a love, who doesn't know you love him, much of a good reason. I cannot deny the fact that he and only one other have become my reasons for different reasons than they believe. The one who i may come to be with doesn't know much of my insane and secret desires for him. Eh, hell maybe he does. I'm not fully sure whether or not he does. The other who i had previously loved, who has now become my mortal enemy for reasons which i'd rather not mention, is still one i love and one who i continue to live for, as to why i do not know but, eh, oh well. They are the only reasons i continue to breathe. I don't want to miss the good things that will come to them in the future, and i know good things will befall them. However, if death so wishes to have me, then that is waht i'll miss and there will be not a thing i can do about it.
After death comes to me and all is aid and one, the only ones i would thank would be my friends, who knew me best, my sister and her dude, who knew me second best, and finally the one i love, who knows me better than all of you. The ones who i haev cursed i need not mention, for their misfortunes are obvious. I either cursed them in their past, or their present, or perhaps even both. Those who are sexl-pitiful are cursed by me and were cursed by many and myself long ago.
My enemies they will receive cancer as gifts for christmas and birthdays. Luckily for most i only have a few select enemies. The one who damned me, oh yes that person is self-pitiful and yes that person will ultimately fall from that pedestal, even though low, and break everything within their soul.
This is mortality and i myself am mortal, however such a reality can be distorted to fit a mortal's own wishes and state of mind. That which is craved and that which is desired cannot always be seized by on mortal when another is in the way. When such a problem occurs, distort reality and take revenge to retrieve what you long for. The weak will not become the strong unless some of the strong, which have become hindrances, are removed from the position of being such an obstical. It is not the weak who are in the way of the strong, but vice versa. Uneducated and dimmly lit strong people are in the way of the educated and very bright weak ones. The weak can rise however because of their knowledge and ultimately annihilate the torment given from those who are uneducated. Hidden arts are the secret weapon, not death as most would believe, you must conquer with mind before you attempt to conquer with physical violence. One mustn't hesitate to destroy that which persecutes or torments. With that i now die.
they say before you die you temporarily go insane or become delirious. the following are deathbed ramblings, they are fictional and a bit weird.

i thought they fit better in poetry than prose, spelling and grammar are probably horrible...
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October 13, 2003
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