Sun Mar 10, 2013, 3:17 PM
3/10 - I want to extend my thought, thank yous, and so many prayers for all of you here --fans, members, visitors, and friends. I know that this is not my loss alone. It is ours ..it is the world’s loss. It’s been a odd blend of balancing personal friend w/ the feeling of a loss of nostalgia; of era. I hate it when my age hits me in my face like this!
People have asked, but understandably NO photos will be offered via PNT from the service out of respect. This is the personal wishes of the immediate family. This is not a wrestling angle/script so therefore it is not something to ‘entertain’ us. Things like this are personal and I know in advance that you all understand the difference.
3/9/13 Saturday/Sunday 1:27am
‘I think I know what it is that I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that as the days move on into weeks that the fresh novelty of your death will begin the wane ...The post will become fewer and the memorials less noticed. In that instant you will begin to disappear. You will truly be gone from us. I know that you are. I’m not in denial. But for this moment your presence lingers.’
3/9/13 - Saturday 7:19am
I saw you in repose. You’re head on the pillow was just the tenderest angle to your shoulder; your lips just the slightest bit parted. You could be sleeping and I’d be comfortable believing that had it not been for the atmosphere just outside the doorway. It all looked like Victorian era post mortem --That hurried desperation to capture some vague pall of life whilst it is still yet there upon the expression before it disintegrates. Of hot-pained grief seeking a means to be expressed adorn with lavish cradles of lace, ribbon, and abundant flowers.
I could make light of this; pass it off and say it is my lack of sleep these last few evenings, but I could have sworn that I heard you answer the night before when I spoke of you. I fell asleep still responding to you. I’m such a rag right now! I’m just all bled out, so damned tired, I don’t even know what all I said. I wrote some down though. It was 11:12pm.
Mothers shouldn’t have to bury their child ...much less two of them. God, his mama. His papa. Dear Lord. I can’t stop thinking about them. I’ll ask the fans to pray for them.
I want to stay on the phone as much as possible it seems because I know that the moment I hang up is when the silence sets in all over again. Where I was laughing about silly memories not a moment before, reality of loss comes and steals it away. Images, reverberations of memory full of light now far away. But there is an horrible, slow and unstoppable wave coming, destroying all this without mercy. The storm of the thoughts maybe. Terrible and beautiful at the same instant. In as little as a half-hour my emotion shifted from some type of joy, back to sadness, and then I was suddenly angry. I’m angry that you went to the reunion show! You should have been in the hospital right then! You should of when we spoke about it that Friday. I’m angry that you’re not here! Why’d you have to go?! Why’d you have to leave me too?! But just you wait. Another 10 minutes or so I’ll be happy that you’re in her arms.
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