Hello, I'm here from
to critique your lovely poem
To be honest, I'm not as experienced or well informed with poetry as I am with prose, but I'll try my best to give an in-depth critique.
What impressed me the most ... without a doubt, the emotional impact and relatablity. This piece feels very sincere. It's obviously personal, but I know there will be many others out there who will be able to relate to this feeling. The unfortunate truth about relationships, is that so many of them will end up in heartbreak. Yet that just makes us appreciate the ones that do work out all the more.
I also like that you wrote it in a way that's interesting, but not too obscure. I feel like you put a lot of thought into word choices, but didn't go so far as to make it difficult to understand or follow—as is an issue I usually have with poetry. I think it's difficult to write poems that are creative and unique, but still manage to get your point across to all your readers. Yet this is something that this one does rather well.
As far as constructive criticism goes, I have two suggestions. So the first is a minor one, but I'd like to see more of a tie-in with the title. The metaphor of a literal sinking ship to the figurative of a failed relationship could make for some beautiful imagery. However, this comparison isn't even brought up in the poem itself, which seems like a shame. I'd like to see you reinforce the idea and explore the title more in the poem itself—however, this could be just my personal opinion.
Now my second suggestion, for me, is the bigger issue. The style of punctuation and absence of capital letters is rather disorienting to me. I understand these areas are more forgiving in poetry and, for the most part, is just a matter of style and preference. Yet personally—as a prose writer—I find it to be rather distracting. Specifically the things I have an issue with are the lack of capitals at the beginning of a sentence, incorrect usage of semi colons
, and using a hyphen (-) instead of an em dash (—).
The final two I included links to articles explaining the proper usages of each.
All in all, I did enjoy reading this lovely poem. Thank you for reading my critique.
Good luck with all your future writings!