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EDIT: I am currently considering switching to a new account. What I need is a brand new, fresh start. However, I am still swaying to and fro as I'm not sure what to do exactly. Nowadays I spend more time drawing nature and wildlife and landscapes than I do people and I am not sure all my watchers will like this sort of change.

In the mean time I want to get back in contact with some of my watchers - do you have e-mail?


Well, life for me has pretty much turned around. I used to live a secluded life and I found a lot of comfort and friends from the internet. Now, however, I've realised that the internet no longer serves the same purpose that it did all those years ago. I don't have masses of friends in real life, but I have met more people, and grown in confidence in order to build on those friendships and I am now in my first relationship which is proving really stable. As a result, I have less time to spend on here and I will soon be going to University, and will hopefully be going out more and enjoying things as they come, on top of a lot of work as my course is very demanding academically.

Unfortunately, now that I log on here, I have a sense of nostalgia, a sense of a lost home; I no longer keep in touch will my online friends. I have ceased to keep up with journal entries or commenting on pictures. I some ways I have lost touch with everyone I knew here and it makes me incredibly sad.

Additionally, I see people improving so much, but the reality is that I don't have much time to draw on the internet. Or maybe I just have a massive art block -- I struggle to draw anything recently which is such a shame. I don't feel that it is worth me uploading digital artwork any more since my improvements with computer work have stalled through lack of drawing on the computer, to put it simply. I feel I used to be talented, but that now that talent is starting to fade and everyone improves but I stand still.

And so, I don't know what to do. I have a few options:

Do I leave dA and delete my account? It is no longer what it used to be and I struggle to keep up with it. The work in here is old, and out-dated and pretty useless.
Do I leave dA but keep my account open? Just so I can go back...perhaps start up any time
Do I recreate a new account and upload traditional artwork there instead which is what I do more of now?

I feel a bit lost. Anyone got any advise?

I do appologise to everyone for not being active. It's not that I have forgotten any of you...I just struggle to juggle an online and real life both at once.
  • Drinking: Coke
Hello everyone.

Just wanted to post a big hello to everyone and to say sorry I've not had much chance to go on.

I've been pretty busy in life, having finally got a nice group of friends, a boyfriend, and a relaxed school year, and looking forward to going to University in September next year to study Veterinary Medicine at Liverpool University.

How is everyone else doing?

Best wishes
  • Listening to: Pretty Green Eyes -- Ultrabeat
  • Reading: Picture of Dorian Gray
  • Drinking: Diet Sprite

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas!

Journal Entry: Wed Dec 29, 2010, 4:58 AM
I hope everyone spend a great time over the Christmas holiday.

I really do apologise for my lack of presence of DA. I hope to change that soon and upload some more. :)

Best of wishes,

  • Listening to: Pretty Green Eyes -- Ultrabeat
  • Reading: Picture of Dorian Gray
  • Drinking: Diet Sprite

Why is my school so annoying?

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 6, 2010, 1:55 AM
I'm going to be working for 2 weeks at a major safari zoo in the UK (Whipsnade). It's for work experience and to strengthen my CV before my University interviews for Veterinary Medicine which start in December.

I have no exams going on and have lessons for 12/week. However, the only important subject I am doing in Chemistry A2 level for 5h/week. I do a few hours of Spanish (3h/week) but that does not help me with my Uni applications. The rest are tutorials, and debating 'lessons'.

Anyway, all of my teachers and tutors are willing to help support me and catch up with work and do not envisage that taking 2 weeks off school with be detrimental to my grades in any way as I am an independent learner. I am asking for 10hours off in total of valuable lesson time. 10hours is equivalent to 2 days off sick for someone who is in education full-time (ie like I was last year).

Last year I missed 20hours of lessons in one week due to surgery, and I managed to have no problem catching up.

My head of year who I consulted today said no, I cannot have the time off. She was firm and confrontational. I don't mind her discouraging me, but I am asking for my absence to be authorised instead of bunking off like so many younger students do!! The reason was that she was afraid of legal action against her. I understand how messed up the UK law is with people suing or accusing so many others. But that did not mean she had to treat me like a 15 year old when I am legally adult (19 now). If she had said "I can't authorise this due to legal reasons and don't encourage you to take the time off but lets look at a solution to this issue together and discuss alternatives e.g. you will need to either take holiday or go unauthorised", I would be fine.

I asked to take holiday leave if they could not authorise it under "work experience" so any injury I incurred would be my responsibility not the school's. She said she needs notice for me to ask for holiday leave and said I can't do that either.

I was horrified. I am asking for 10 hours off and everyone is supporting me aside from my head of year. I've not asked for any time off for holidays in 3 years. I've done over 19 weeks worth of work experience during every single school holiday and this is the first time I have asked for leave from school. This is outside my exam period so it is not interfering with my exams. I am an asset to the school and potentially one of their most brightest pupils and they are not working with me to help me succeed.

Mum rang my head of year. She was unfriendly and ignored my mum when she asked to speak to someone else. My mum rang up school again, and they contacted my head teacher (principal for your guys in the US). She said my absence would be cleared and I could go.

  • Reading: Wildlife Justice
  • Drinking: Coke Zero

Internet is back! Holiday

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 30, 2010, 10:53 AM
My internet is back...and I'm also on holiday. :) I come home on Saturday evening. I'm in Poland with my family and so far things are going well.

I also got a part time job with a fairly decent wage at a Bingo club, so I will look forward to the extra cash.

And well...that's it really so far. Catch up with you guys later.

  • Reading: Wuthering Heights
  • Drinking: Coke Zero

No internet still

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 22, 2010, 12:22 PM
lightening hit my house...just after I had closed the door (my iPod prevented me hearing the thunder). The BT telephone line was out since Saturday but got fixed later on in the week (we have ADSL internet). HOWEVER, the modem is not working. They sent us a new power cable but that didn't fix the problem so we are awaiting the arrival of another cable before they send us a new modem.

In short, I have no internet connection so that is why I won't be on here much.

  • Listening to: Eminem Not Afraid
  • Reading: Wuthering Heights
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Back from St Tiggywinkles wildlife hospital

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 8, 2010, 7:11 AM
Hi guys, I've just come back from doing work experience at the UK's leading wildlife hospital, Tiggywinkles ( ). I got to handle animals such as buzzards, redkites, little owls, tawny owls, hobbies, hedgehogs (logs of them) and got to feed the various species of deer, foxes and fox cubs, badgers and the list goes on!

I will really miss the animals (but not the people who were really bitchy and awful and who were laughing at how the bullied someone so badly that the boy left).

Hence why I've not been online much. How is everyone?

  • Listening to: Eminem Not Afraid
  • Reading: Wuthering Heights
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Horse riding

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 8, 2010, 8:42 AM
My friend let me ride her Cleveland bay horse yesterday and it was awesome! I've never ridden a horse before. :)

  • Listening to: Eminem Not Afraid
  • Reading: Wutherin Heights
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Went to Cirque du Soleil!

Journal Entry: Sat Jun 26, 2010, 8:32 AM
I recently went to see a performance of Cirque du Soleil which was absolutely AMAZING; it was a mixture of mime, gymnastics, acrobatics and various stunts. It was very funny and the costumes were were absolutely stunning.

Aside from that, I have only one more exam left on Tuesday and then NO MORE EXAMS for the summer. Waiting for the results will be nerve-wrecking, however; they're out in August.

And I'm melting in my own room to death...

  • Listening to: Eminem Not Afraid
  • Reading: Wutherin Heights
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Exam, exams, exams + FEATURED

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 13, 2010, 9:19 AM
I'm drowned in work so far. I've got Core 3+4 mathematics next week (basically, mostly calculus, a bit of algebra and a healthy dollop of trig for those of you who aren't studying UK A2 levels) , alongside biology and physics too. After that I only have 2 left, which are nicely spaced out too!  

Hence my lack of updates / comments and so on until this weekend at least.

Also, featured artists who responded to my past journal entry:

Floriorn by EmptyCrate Cinnamon by EmptyCrate earless pug by EmptyCrate

Hint of Lemon by WolfDoom Skater Pika by WolfDoom The Trio of Iceclan by WolfDoom

New Students on my Bus by nickjuly4 Perry the Platizard: Phase 2 F by nickjuly4 Second Oekaki: Pichus Fowers by nickjuly4

  • Listening to: Eminem Not Afraid
  • Reading: Life of Pi
  • Eating: Chewing gum
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Exam times + Features

Journal Entry: Sun May 23, 2010, 10:07 AM
I have exams going on: 2 down and 8 to go. Gosh, how I hate the exam period.

I'm also going to a young farmer's club rally at the end of this month, where I'll be taking part in a range of competitions. I have a fair few exhibition classes to do, so I have A LOT of stuff to do.

How is everyone else?


Be one of the first 19 people commenting on this journal entry, and I will add you to the Featured List!

For each of the 19 first people answering this journal I will put his/her avatar and the three deviations I like most from his/her gallery on the list.

If you answer, you'll have to do the same in your journal, putting me on the first place, completing the list with 19 other people. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone!

From TeniCola

  • Listening to: Good time -- Roll deep
  • Reading: Life of Pi
  • Eating: Chewing gum
  • Drinking: Water (yuk)

What do you think of v7?

Journal Entry: Wed May 19, 2010, 1:13 AM
I'm not too sure about this -- I think I preferred the older version. X.x

  • Listening to: Good time -- Roll deep
  • Reading: Life of Pi
  • Eating: Chewing gum
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

I voted for the first time ever

Journal Entry: Fri May 7, 2010, 12:17 AM
Anyone else voted in the UK? I just hope that any new party will take over Labour, although they are all just as bad as each other.

  • Listening to: Good time -- Roll deep
  • Reading: Life of Pi
  • Eating: Chewing gum
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Dear visitors and members of Pichu's World

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 26, 2010, 6:22 AM
I've recently opened up a Pichu's World fan club in deviantART, located at :iconpichusworld: where we would enourage anyone interested to join.

The aim of the club is to build on a sense of community, and to post announcements, competitions and more online. We are planning on hosting more events on Pichu's World, such as quizes, events, and so on to make this place more fun.

We plan to be hosting an event every so month. I'd love to hear your input on the following:
* What can we use the club for?
* What fun events, competitions or games can we host online?

I just got a new jounal skin too -- how do you guys like it? Well, one day I'll get off my backside and do something useful!

And I'm procrastinating on my maths homework. Anyone here want to help me integrate trig functions?

  • Listening to: Good time -- Roll deep
  • Reading: Life of Pi
  • Eating: Chewing gum
  • Drinking: Diet decaf coke

Business cards (UK people)

Fri Apr 23, 2010, 9:12 AM

I need to get some custom business cards made as I'm planning on doing freelanced web design and would like to have business cards to give out.

Anyone know any good companies? Ideally somewhere where I can upload my design.

Want to share this dev with you

Fri Apr 9, 2010, 7:21 AM

PLEASE READ THIS. by whatshername13

It makes me happier to be were I am now, instead of complaining how unfair life is.

I joined the online community years ago, starting out at Mew's Hangout oekaki, then joining the forums and so on. Now I only really go to Pichu's World, DeviantART, and a few other non-pokemon forums.

I remember many communities falling apart, members leaving, and so on. In fact, I remember the names of many people who I met, and who disappeared without much of a trace. I wonder where those people have gone, what their life is like and so on.

I find the Internet somewhat of a distraction from real life. I sometimes to prefer to live online than to go out of the house to meet people. That takes organisation, text messages, a mutually convenient time and never seems to perplex me. This online life is, however, 'virtual' after all, with people behaving differently than in real life (myself included), everyone's faces being hidden behind avatars. And yet, with that anonymity, people see me out of my usual environment (school/home) and also do not judge me by my (sometimes awkward) interactions; you all see the same person, with the same heart and values, but in a different context. And so I feel more free, less constrained and less socially anxious; I can talk about a wider range of topics of interest, and discuss parts of my life than I would normally not share with real life friends.

I find the Internet such as appeal as it makes me feel so much less isolated -- there is always someone there. And for every chronic illness, for every communon interest there are a group of people who share similar views. It is amazing how it is easy for one to feel connected to others which would otherwise not occur in real life. When I feel down, when I feel a need to talk, there is a place for me to go. I feel I belong. Unlike in the real life, where we are pressed to conform to a standard image, where creativity and abstract thinking are misunderstood by many, or even frowned upon.

It is also interesting to see how many internet friends I have online. True, I do not know any of you in the same way as in real life, but it is great to know that I care about my watchers, my viewers, my internet friends and my own community member on Pichu's World. And I wish to apologise if I am hardly ever online (because, let's face it, I cannot hide on the Internet as much as I would like to), or if I draw less frequently, or if I am slightly too distant. Understand that I do no mean to appear disconnected to all of my online friends and acquaintances, and that that is just part of my innate personality (i.e. that I do not easily form close bonds to anyone due to the nature of my past history). I do care about you guys, though.

And so, for me, the Internet community is an adjunct to real life. I feel it is a part of my "home" and heart and will continue to be so. It helps me to stay sane when real life seems so fragmented, dysfunctional and unpredictable.

Thank you you everybody.

What role do internet communities play in your life?

I don't like the change of icons...

Thu Apr 1, 2010, 5:39 AM this what dA thinks of as funny for April fool's? I don't find it too amusing. O__o

Ok, my shoulder stabilisation is going ahead tomorrow. I've never had an operation before, but have been anaesthetised before. I'll be out on Wednesday. Wish me luck guys; I'm really scared. :S

On a second note, I've ordered Pokemon SoulSilver and gosh I totally can't wait for the game to be out in the UK. I couldn't resist the preorder + express delivery (which is £5 than it is in the shop anyway). Plus I apparently get a small figurine too. I'm very excited :) For those of you who've already got it -- what do you think of it?

So, yeah, that's it for me really for now.

Take care guys.

EDIT: had shoulder op yesterday, got home a few hours ago. have now got 3 titanium pins in my shoulder plus a ligament repair. feel sleepy from prescription painkillers....thanks to all who were thinking of me.

i will be lurking but i'm quite tired so probably won't be typing much as its hard to do whilst drowsy and lying down.

So, this is a story of how I ended up drugged on morphine at the A&E (ER for all of you in the US/Canada) yesterday.

I won't go into details on exactly how I dislocated my shoulder. The point is I did dislocate it at home due to an accident (this was the 6th episode, 4th episode which required a hospital reduction and also my 2nd episode which required sedation).

I unfortunately do not have a car, and my mum can't drive. So we dial 999 and wait around 40 minutes for a transportation/ambulance service. It arrives around 40 minutes later. I am given no pain relief apart from your standard OTC paracetamol painkillers given to me by my mum whereas I normally am given N2O (laughing gas/entonox). The pain gets increasingly worse with every dislocation. The driver was extremely unhelpful and never asked in how much pain I was or if I was comfortable, nor did he try to distract me from my pain by talking to me. He walked me to the emergency dept but made me feel as if I was walking too slowly and became inpatient (whereas I was in immense pain and and jolt from walking made me want to scream).

So, I'm quickly seen by a nurse, who sends me off to x-rays. I then arrive back to their station and see a doctor. I was given copious amounts of N2O -- FINALLY getting pain relief after over and hour. It's 6.30pm I think. they try to relocate my shoulder by getting me to relax my arm, but failed. I am still in pain. So, they give me liquid morphine after running through when I last ate, what other drugs I'd had etc. The morphine which tasted really sweet and nice (despite them telling me most people hate the taste). It shortly starts to kick in. It confused me a lot, and disorientated me completely. I started to get auditory noise that made everyone sound strange. When I spoke, my speak seemed to have a low tone, rather deep and going in slow motion, like when they say 'nooooooooooooooooo' on TV. My carried on puffing the N2O gas. I heard doctors mutter things to me, as I remember shaking my legs back and forth, lurching myself back and forth too, 'losing' pieces of time and frequently asking 'what's the time? what's the time?' to my mum. It distorts your perception of time and one of my biggest fears is of time just 'disappearing'.

Mre: "I want it to stop. I want to go home...want to go home"
Dr1: "all you need to do is sit on the chair and put your arms down"
"I want it to stop.."
"This is by far the safest method. It'll stop the pain once it is relocated."
"I can't, I can't, I can't. Help me."


The morphine kicked in stronger than ever. It felt as if my body was separate from my mind. I felt as if I was swelling up and had to look down at myself to make sure. I felt the contours of my socket jutting out from my dislocation. My shoulder looked square from what I saw.

I find myself one second sat on their 'relocating chair' and then on their hospital bed. I am unable to tell left from right and my vision has started to go hazy and so I close my eyes to stop seeing blobs of grey and purple dancing in front of me.

The morphine kicks in really hard now. I feel I am being punched in the face so I keep swivelling my head but I can't see my abuser. I hear murmuring (auditory hallucinations?) and a sound that goes click click click, as my eyes flicker between reality and a bruised world.
"I don't like it"
I rolled my neck but it felt as if my head was nothing more than a ball rotating on a pole of some sort (my spine). It was very surreal. I wanted to run, but then I see the bars to stop me falling off from the hospital bed.

The dr tried to relocate my shoulder with the help if a colleague. I scream, "don't hurt me...don't hurt me...I'm scared".


Dr2: "Have you had any fractures before? I can see fragments of bone."
Mum: "Is it fractured?? She might have low bone density."
Me: "I was meant to have another DEXA next month...I was anorexic until recently"
Dr2: "No, it just looks like general wear and tear. Sometimes fragments of bone break off. Do you have any other health problems apart from anorexia? any allergies? have you been knocked out before?"
Me: "no, no.. yeah I had ketamine once. Going to have an op for my shoulder on the 23rd"


Dr1: "She's panicking. Does she normally have panic attacks?"
I felt my breathing was about to stop, and my heart rate slow down. I inhaled as if I could not breath.


Dr1: "where are you?"
me: "[name of hospital]"
Dr1: "What is today's date?"
Me: hell, how am I supposed to know...tomorrow is the many days are their in february? "28th"
Dr1: "month?"
Me: february
Dr1: "year?"
Me Do I look crazy? why this mental exam? Of course I know the year....or do I? "2010"
Me: "What time is it??? How long have I been here?"


Dr2: "Two RTAs... she will have to wait for sedation"
Dr2: "How old are you?"
Me: "18"
Dr2: "I need your written consent for general anaesthesia. It may result in a fracture even if the drs do everything correctly. There is also a small risk of death which is higher as this is emergency anaesthesia."
Me: "I understand"


I got moved to a separate room. Nurses are preparing IV solutions to be rammed up my vein. I am connected to electrodes and my vitals measures. I stare at the ECG trace. SpO2 was between 89-100. Bp was 101/65. Pulse around 55, but increased to 70 as the N2O was taken away from me.

I was told to count down from 100. I was going to be given etomidate. I found this a difficult task. I vaguely remember counting to 58 then stopping. They inject more into me. "100.....47, 46, 45..."


I woke up, to find myself sitting in front of a clock. Approaching 2am. I had been there for a total of 7.5h. I had lost time once again, but was no longer in pain and my vision and hearing were back to normal.  

I had x-rays again and eventually got sent home. Today I am in slight discomfort, but the pain is manageable and OK.

I am having a shoulder operation on the 23rd March. I'm ending up in hospital far too often. Perhaps this will be the last time for shoulder problems.

End of my short story. :)