PhoenixMystery

To whoever still follows me here or cares I wanted to apologize for the inactivity. Truth is, I don't think it's going to get much better any time soon. I struggle with a few things IRL and my inspiration for art has kind of died. Asides from sketches, I haven't managed to complete anything worthy lately. Whatever drive I had for art isn't there any more the same way it used to be. The thrill I used to feel hardly exists. It comes once in a blue moon and then it's gone. I struggle to get ideas, let alone put them on paper... 

Managing a long distance relationship and career choices gone wrong has taken its toll on me for the last 8 years of my life. Especially the last 4  I've really, really struggled... The initial denial of the first 2 years has died away. There was 1 good year, but lately I feel so extremely drained. Sure, things could always be so much worse. I have a loving boyfriend and family and friends. But some things have not been easy to come to terms with. And lately I feel like I've terminally come to this point where almost everything feels blank... Art has always been the one thing I could find relief in, but it is hardly fun any more. And I don't feel like I create content that is worthy for anyone to care. Sharing art also used to feel fun, but from a point on I feel like I've been doing it mechanically. I've felt the urge to delete my art accounts a few times recently, since I feel there's not much point in sharing my art. There are some people I would miss though, so I stick around for them. 

At the moment, I am on standby for my 6 month internship thanks to pathetic university management, which is very very frustrating. I was hoping to graduate around May and now that's been pushed back. I am so looking forward to conclude my current studies and leave that part behind me. I cannot begin to describe how fed up I am with it.  I don't know where I'm going with my career. I felt so certain about it all 2 years ago, that I knew exactly what I wanted. Now I am just fed up. I feel like there's hardly anything I really want... It's really frustrating to feel like this. I hope I will get some positive feelings once the damn studies is over, but that's only being delayed thanks to bureaucracy. It feels like all I can do now is wait and endure...