**This is quite long.... Just a warning... huhu xD
Hi guys! Here's a quick snippet from me as I'm chilling on my bed in my dorm, waiting for my friend to get back from work xD
Lately I've been irritated by my own art style, and I am really beginning to hate it again (this happens not very often, at least, not to me =u= sometimes I just get anxious, and I want to hit my head up against a wall for a while). I think it's because I am just drawing random things rather than drawing what I really want to draw. I mean, I haven't really had any inspiration come and hit me for a while, and I've been having a hard time falling asleep (then waking up early for class after a night class ;A; ), so I've been thinking about a lot of things.
After I finish up all the requests and tie up any loose ends (finishing all gifts and ATs will be something I'll be doing after these ;D), I will be on hiatus for a month, from July-August, for my physical and mental health. I won't be posting anything here, or probably on my other media outlets other than my instagram for fun little snippets as I am away.....
My mental health is almost always in a good place, but right now, I am worn down from classes and slightly anxious, if not a little cranky. I've also been eating like a POS lately, and I haven't been going to the gym as often as I would like, so I will be doing those while I finish up my exams and take a week off from school before the second summer semester begins.
In addition, I have been dealing with many toxic relatives. I have been at college, so I've been out of the loop (in a way, this is a good thing and a bad thing...). There is some jealousy floating around, specifically around how well my siblings and I are doing. After I graduated valedictorian, some family members got a little... ehhhh. After I talked about coming out of my official first year with a 3.81, there was a lot of jelly doughnuts.
I... can't help but become upset writing this. As said, when... the time comes, I feel I will be able to explain myself, and my own struggles, when everything is said and done... and I am on steady grounds. The goofy-ass smile on my face right now should assure you that I am, indeed, a-okay, just a little down, and a little tired. I've seen a lot of shit, and I am frankly... really done xD haha
My dark circles are beginning to become a part of my cute little face ;y; haaaa-
I'm going to receive a small refund for my tuition here, so I will be picking up a whole new set of art supplies, including better paper, pencils, and markers
So YAY!! I'll try to pick myself off the ground. And not just get half way and stop, but all the way >u< Sometimes it feels comfortable to sit on the end of the dark side and just ponder away, fueling art ideas....
That isn't where I want to be, and I hope it is the same for you all too ♥
I will be off, working a little with Tofu and Momo. I can tell they are both worried about me, as is Command-Ops, who I've been snapping all week ;u;
I hope going to the fair this weekend puts me more at ease. It feels as if my brain has shut off >A>
Love, your tear-streaked magician (who is thinking TOO HARD D:<)
Thank you always for your support. It means a lot, to be honest. I hope all is well for you all too
Edit: Just jumped in the shower and cleared up my face with a nice ginger mask, and now feeling like a million bucks
Just sang along to some angsty Diru too ;u; my soul music....
Again, please don't worry about me >u< I'm okay
Edit 2: Just woke up an hour ago and this hit me *A*While on hiatus, the lovely Command-Ops and I will be working on getting our games off the ground (The Diary is actually about 1/4th done with programming and storywork) and getting some of my story work done (Death's Disciples has chapter 1 finished, and is on its 4th workdump - 1 is done, 2 is in progress, 3 is started, and 4 is started)
Command-Ops and I both have been talking a lot about getting my current story projects done. I need a full time editor who is willing to help push my stories along (well... once I get to that point, I will need that editor). Command-Ops is an English major, and is a huge help with fixing up my works (Japanese major here... I can't even do English atm (Spanish minor is killing me slowly too)) dammit
I'm drifting off here... I plan on making a side tumblr blog with all the game info so you guys can see some actual progress. I have some game clips recorded but they are not accurate anymore and I don't want to share them >~<.....
Some of my games contain some pretty strong content and some suggestive themes (Blood, gore, swearing, some lewd language for certain charas (//cough HAROU //cough)).
People in real life see my work and I as two separate entities. They don't believe me when I say I like to write this stuff xDDD I don't swear at all in person, and I am a big ol' snuggle bear that often gets old she's too kind >m< I like horror, I like realistic, and I like psychological. I want a story that is more mature, and reflects a darker view of live while appearing to seem otherwise.
I won't let my parents or my older relatives read my work. They would DEFINITELY... not like it xDDDD My mom supports me in whatever I do, but I know she'd probably be like, "I don't like this, but you do what you want." Hahahahaha!
There is a part in particular in The Diary that makes me cringe in a funny way (Command-Ops as well). I am not looking forward to explaining this portion to everyone or how the idea came to be. Heh.... It's a little awkward to be honest.... TT^TT But, it is a huge part of the game! We're not trying to be edge lords (//vomits)... we're trying to make the game stand out while keeping a strong story line!
Thank you for reading so far, and I hope you guys are doing okay! I'll finish up the requests scheduled and any little things and then I'll be off to take a full on break! I know I don't post often... but I try to keep up my whiteboard art on my other pages. This hiatus will stop those, probably, unless I feel up to keeping them up!
See you all later!! ♥♥ Bless~!
We're starting to cover some real difficult grammatical points in both my Spanish and Japanese classes, so I may not appear at all for quite some time, as stated ;; I thought I might get some time to draw in, but I'll be buying supplies soon to make up for that
I haven't been inspired, and I am just artistically unsatisfied.
I've had a lot of people depending on me for things lately, and it's been sapping away every ounce of me. Maybe I'll be happier when I'm back..... ha- good luck on that one, Phoenix.........
Keigo is coming, and I will die soon =v= First test Tuesday with the past subjunctive and the like. I'll be intensely studying....