Skipping beatsYou casually say you miss me while Imumble and stumbleI miss you toowhile showing a facade of indifferenceinbetween skipping beats.
S I C KWith all the packages on top of each other,like I bought the whole pharmacy --I am living,sedated, exasperated,another pill, another cream, another test,red,red,blood,strict schedule, every day - every morning,up and fix,fix and sleep,all over again - the package says,weeks and months,a small note with small text --which can't be thrown awaytalks about all the little side effects:nausea, herpes, irritation, redness,diseases, problems, anxiety, depression...and I wonder:is it all worth itor will I die anyway?
Forever gratefulI remember you with fondnessand light up when I read one of yourcomments,oh how I wish you were nearso we could meet,laugh andsupport each otherwithout a screenand an ocean apart,but I am happy nonethelessthat you walked into my life,decided to stayand become my friend.
The matchstick girlWhy can't they see I'm not ok,that the words of courage and happinessare lies,just illusions of something that was - before,that I can't sleep at nightor that I can't feel the euphoria anymore.On some days they all seem unreal,like I can go through them, like ghostsor go out in traffic without feeling the hitof the speeding carso I always step away from the ledgeto not be encouraged.Most of the time I do what I am told,I smile and I laughwhile feeling left outside,like I don't belong there in the warmthwhere the freedom and love livesin the familiar faces that have left me behind.I fantasize of the past more than the future,they say I'm negative and speak of "what ifs"and that's true, I do,but what else is there to do when you'vethrown life away and people have walked outthe door.-I did give up, I did run awaybut I try not to anymore,I whisper 'don't run' every morning, every night,even if it hurts me, even if they have alreadyleft me. I say: I'm here, I'm
OrbitI want to swirl back in time,to the days when I was happy,to those nights when we talkeduntil sunlight,when you were almost mineand I could almost touch youin my dreams of tomorrowwhere we walked barefootall over the world:in the same orbit.