Actively pursuing gainful employment at this time (read: "real" job). Unfortunately, of late, my new least favorite words received in an email from a (on-paper) company with a highly-promising job opening (regardless of who they're from, they're worded exactly the same):
We’re truly grateful that you applied for our position of [You're So OverQualified For This It Isn't Even Funny] with the [We're Sorry It Took So Long To Respond But The Guy Who Removes Our Heads From Our Butts Only Comes Around Once A Month] company [That Does Not Offer Health Insurance, Or Time Off For Five Years... Oh, And We Don't Celebrate Christmas, 4th Of July, Hannukah, Thanksgiving, or Veterans Day, But We Do Celebrate Memorial Day, Because We're An American-Based Company - Actually An American-Owned Subsidiary Of A Chinese Conglomerate - But We're Nothing If Not Unpatriotic (By The Way, Friday Is Hawaiian Shirt Day, So If You Have a Hawaiian Shirt And Want To Wear That, That Would Be Greeeeeaaaaat...) - Just Be Thankful You're Not A Female Applicant Or You'd Be Having Your Non-Corporate-Approved Childbirth Session In Our Breakroom], based in [It Would Cost You More Than We're Offering You In Annual Starting Pay To Move To This Sh*thole Of The World, And No, There Is No Relocation Fee], USA [Obligatory Waving Flag Icon In The Email Signature Block].
At this time, we’ve determined that other candidates [Punk Kids With Stars In Their Eyes Who Actually BELIEVE That, As A Non-Paid Intern, They Have Even The Slightest Chance Of Getting A Salaried Position If They Ask For One At The End Of Their Curiously-Long Internship] have qualifications that better align to this particular role [AGAIN, The Role For Which, Per Your Online Job Description, You Performed Admirably For Almost 2 Decades], but we’d love to stay in touch [But We Won't, Because Your Email Application Is Going Directly Into Our Trashcan - Not The Temporary Place That Stores Them Until You Physically Go In To Permanently Delete Them, But The Corporate Email Trashcan That Physically Ejects All Such Data Directly Into Our Hole In The Earth That Goes Directly To The Core - That Same One From That Awful Movie Called - Really Creative Here Guys - "The Core."].
It may be slightly shorter than that, I don't recall, since the last time I printed it out and went all rabid and shredded one with my teeth and swallowed it...