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I am a Political Thing :iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 3 4
WIP Celtic Tree of Life by PennyDiamond WIP Celtic Tree of Life :iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 2 0
Literature
Surviving
You left me where your empathy ran dry
Evaporating on the rocks of a desert I have always lived in
Leaving traces, like mineral rings
Of your layered shirts and quiet anger
Of shared survival and moldy coffee
I write "I miss you" on my legs
And your name on the list of men I have nightmares about
The words "too much" "too crazy" "unwell" rattle in my head
And I remind myself I cannot hold men made of gas light
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 1 0
Literature
University
springtime is here
in this tower we live in
and its lonelier here than it seems
because everyone's smaller in ivory halls
and food doesn't last any longer
i write smaller
talk smaller
breathe smaller in here
and the food doesn't last any longer
and these people i've known
for all of my life
haven't left
they're still trying to kill me
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 4 0
Literature
On Dying for Legends
Be careful claiming God incites your stories
Because poems can be misread
And it is likely that your children will misread them
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 1 2
Literature
I Am Not Tragic
I learned my metaphors and rhyme schemes
In a sea of broken glass
I drew strength from all the ghosts that grew
In other peoples pasts
I left my church, I left my people
With their pedestals and pain
And I can rhyme my way through trauma
Born by women without names
And when I left and there was nothing
But wisps of clouds and space
I prayed to lovers I'd imagined
And used knife blades as a brace
But now I'm sitting in this city
With its cigarettes and smoke
And I wash these wounds in rainbows
And the love you said you'd broke
I am light, I am refraction
You can't cleave the sky in two
So keep your glory and salvation
And the name I never knew
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 18 4
Literature
Titles of Liberty
On loving glass women
Glass men
And glass gods
On welding your hands
To curved iron rods
On fruit made of sunlight
That burns when you eat
On wars that you fight
With shattered retreats
On grey trees
And grey neighbors
Grey houses
Grey time
On boundaries of smoke
And holograph lines
On the girl made of starstuff
And the boy forged in coal
On babies held hostage
On shards in your soul
On trauma that's bitter
And trauma that's sweet
On candy nails
And broken feet
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 7 0
Literature
Jesus and My Feet
There's a space that begs for poems
But I have no blood to write in
And I'm too young to choke to death on broken dreams
And I'm drowning in these memories
But I have no blood to fight them
So I think that I should probably go to sleep
But I'll sit here in the space you've made
From poetry and rhythm
And I'll try not to feel the weight between these notes
And on Sunday they will talk about
How Jesus healed the broken
But they'll never stop to ask who crushed my feet
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 5 0
Literature
Letters From the Sea
I got your letter in the mail today
Its corners dripping salt
And I wonder if you think of me
Where castle ceilings vault
I set it on my bookshelf
And I haven't broke the seal
I don't want to read of starscapes
That I don't believe are real
You wrote your address on the corner
With ink that smelled like space
But I don't want to read appeals
To my ancestors or grace
So your letter's on my bookshelf
Dripping salt and grains of sand
There's too much sea inside it
To be opened on the land
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 14 10
Literature
To the King Across My Chessboard
I'm standing on this cloud
Because this book belongs to you
It's filled with all the thoughts and promises
I made before I knew
Before you told me there's a woman
Who threads fire through her hair
Whose iceberg eyes are made from stars
You forged in holiness and prayer
And if the bishops on this chessboard
Are right and speak the truth
Then I'm off to dwell in darkness
I'm not leaving her for you
But I'm quite sure you folded glory
In the forests of her soul
The same way you painted fire
In men whose eyes are made of coal
So I'm standing on this cloud
Because this writing is not mine
And while I'll miss your stary buildings
I believe her heart's a sign
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 9 7
Literature
Houses by the Sea
I remember when you kissed my hand
Like softly pouring rain
There's not a single fracture in my soul
That dared to stay the same
I still feel your fingers laced in mine
Trying not to change the past
And this everything you left with me
Is endless. It is vast.
My head is filled with could-have-beens
And houses by the sea
While Gods of grey remind me
That we do not love for free
I will never touch your hand again
We are finite, laced with pain
But on nights when whispers haunt me
I'll pretend you're in the rain
I'll pretend you paint the sunsets
And the shapes inside the clouds
I'll pretend that I'd have no regrets
If I'd dared to love out loud
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 9 5
Alice in Wonderland by PennyDiamond Alice in Wonderland :iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 4 0
Literature
Cheers
I collect collapsed churches to honor my god
So he knows, I can see what he's done
And sometimes I paint in the blood of the faint
When it seems I should honor his son
Demons can't give Satan nightmares
She dreams of darker stars
Prisons can't be threatening if
Your heart loves iron bars
There's a whisper in the wind tonight
That chants of silver trees
And Mars will glow blood red tonight
With missing priesthood keys
So here's to valleys made of kindling
And to birthrights that were lost
Here's to starstuff, and to hellhounds
And to blood and crystal frost
Here's to God and here's to Satan
And the grey where they both live
Here's to cutting up your heart
Till it can filter through a sieve
Raise a glass to shades of chaos
And the inkblot where we live
Raise a glass till you are broken
And have nothing left to give
You are finite, and you'll die soon
In the dark without a name
But for now let's raise a glass
And toast the house that stacked the game
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 5 4
Literature
The Room With The Universe
When I was a child you spoke of a room
Where the universe sat on a throne
And the stars and the planets and asteroid bands
Were etched into windows and stone
And the floor was composed of the gods we had known
In eons that long since had passed
Where you wrapped me in starstuff adorned with a cloud
And said love would be there if I asked
So I scattered the seeds that you'd left in my hand
But they sprung up as iron bars
And no one can see these children who bleed
Through the God who created their scars
We collected the blood in the buckets that once
Had washed our babies clean
And we danced what was left of the children we loved
To the place where you murdered our Queen
And we watered the ground with the people that you
Sacrificed for a barren dream
And you watched mothers cry from your chair in the sky
While your ivory tower gleamed
When I was a child you spoke of a room
Where the universe sat on a throne
But nobody said it was built on the dead
Or carved out of human bone
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 14 11
Literature
Sister, may I kiss you?
The ordinance was silent
And the silence seemed to ring
Alabaster pedestals
Shadow those who sing
Art beside a Priesthood throne
Are you statue? Are you light?
I heard that we were birds once
Who God had granted flight
Sister, may I kiss you?
Where your hair turns into the sun
In the hallowed halls of this temple
Where the blood of our people runs
Our mothers blacked their journals out
And taught us to do the same
But no one taught me how to love
A girl made up of rain
I think they spoke of witchcraft
And the call for a fire was strong
I left while they were still chopping down
The forests I'd loved for so long
I lost you long ago, my love
To a god who would murder my heart
And in the silence and in the rain
My soul sings as it falls apart
I don't know where I'm going now
And I don't know where I am
But this river runs through eternity
And no one's constructed a dam
:iconPennyDiamond:PennyDiamond
:iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 3 3
Mature content
Random Metal Lyrics :iconpennydiamond:PennyDiamond 1 2

Random Favourites

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Literature
pulseless
i want to call him and tell him i’m sorry because
neither of us have ever been able to breathe straight
but now we cannot even breathe and my lungs are funeral shrouds
and i understand what he means when he says afraid
like it’s a definition, like it’s his favourite pair of jeans
or his only pair of jeans. i think about girls like me, who love girls
and boys like him, who love boys, and all that loss.
i think about bullets ringing out over dance music
and the wretched irony of dying in a place named pulse
i think safety is another pretty lie they feed us
i understand when he says he wishes he weren’t queer
i know that feeling like the back of my hand, like the hollow of my chest
like the insides of my throat and the soles of my feet and the curves of my pelvis.
i know what it means to be queer, and to ache with the weight
of not fitting in. i know what it means to be afraid to hold a lover’s hand on a train
or to get a girlfriend. i know what it mea
:iconpansydiv:pansydiv
:iconpansydiv:pansydiv 16 16
Literature
conquest
throw back this Thursday
to a lifetime ago,
when my bridges were too young
to be fireproof
and I didn't yet know the words
for surrender.
you were my Columbus,
my twisted Magellan,
hands hardened and hungry
for any part of me
that could bear your name.
you sought me and wrought me
dead in the water,
every bloody fingerprint a flag
that marked each brand-new territory
upon my skin -
spread-eagled, supine,
I was greener than grass
and you sent your victory marches
all over me,
steamrolling my rugged edges
and calling me all the kind words for
barbarian.
throw back this Thursday
to a lifetime ago -
people aren't supposed to fall
like leaves;
you aren't supposed to pile them up
and burn them.
throw back this Thursday
to a lifetime ago -
before ache upon ache
was tattooed on these bones;
before my voice knew how to beg
for mercy.
and even now,
I say grace when I am called
to remember you.
and even now,
I am naive enough
to still be so grateful.
:iconneonsquiggle:neonsquiggle
:iconneonsquiggle:neonsquiggle 25 11
Literature
chaos theory
I soaked your butterflies in vodka
and buried them alive.
I planted yellow daisies in the 20-proof dirt
and waited for the sunshine
to make us all
    golden.
Sometimes when the winds are angry where you are,
I think of your butterflies and wonder
if we're all still fighting to get out.
If they ever named a hurricane after me
I would call you up just to say
         I told you so.
:iconneonsquiggle:neonsquiggle
:iconneonsquiggle:neonsquiggle 46 21
Capture the Sky by yuumei Capture the Sky :iconyuumei:yuumei 17,228 383 Bad Morning by yuumei Bad Morning :iconyuumei:yuumei 14,109 278 Midnight Rainbow by yuumei Midnight Rainbow :iconyuumei:yuumei 15,526 364 celestial aquarium. by sugarmints celestial aquarium. :iconsugarmints:sugarmints 1,066 56 bright future. by sugarmints bright future. :iconsugarmints:sugarmints 1,093 62 lost future. by sugarmints lost future. :iconsugarmints:sugarmints 836 40

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Mature Content

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TW/CW...psychiatric hospitalization, politics, transphobic slur, psychiatrists, self harm, misgendering, Borderline Personality Disorder, Gender Identity Disorder, suicide, trans death
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A patient sitting across from me makes eye contact when I turn the news off.
“I don’t watch the news anymore either”

I look back at him.
“It’s scary.”

Infomercials echo through the silence of the day room.

“I just don’t think about political things anymore. It helps.”
Older patients tend to recommend things to me. Give me advice. 20 is too young to be here. I have a scholarship. A future.
“I just don’t think about political things anymore”

I am a political thing.
Borrowed pants and shirt hang on my frame. I don’t look in the mirrors here. I look like a twelve year old boy.
Another patient tells me she thinks labels are dividing us and that “no offense, but I’d never date a tranny”

I am a political thing.

A nurse sees the pencil marks dug into my arms. She takes my pencils away. Calls me attention seeking. Tells me she is an ally.
“I just don’t think about political things anymore.”
My doctor writes Gender Identity Disorder in his notes. On my chart. Officially diagnosed.
I stifle my urge to recoil and he sees the fear in my eye.

I am a political thing.

He is a kind man with a self assured walk and he sees the political in my eyes. He leaves references in his notes but removes the official diagnosis. Calls me “he” in his notes. It doesn’t fit me any better than "she" did. “they” hugs my skin. Quiet and thin.

I am a political thing.

This is my 4th psychiatric hospitalization. 2nd attempt. 2nd time this doctor has seen me. I tell him medical spaces eat trans bodies alive. He asks me why I believe that.
I think of conversion therapy, murder rates, suicide rates, forced confinement, sterilization, corrective rape: genocide. I want to tell him about Marsha Johnson and Chelsea Manning and me and everyone I know but he only asks questions. I know nothing about him and he knows everything about me. Intimacy seeps out of me. Uncontainable and I hate it.
He writes Borderline Personality Disorder on a list of discharge diagnoses. I beg him not to. I have never begged him before.

He preforms sympathy, reciting a speech about medical ethics with practiced calm.
I scream when he leaves. Crying until I can’t breathe through my nose. The nurse asks me what’s wrong. I heave out rants with my sobs about gendered diagnoses. The ways borderline is used as a code word for hysteria.
DOCTORS CAN ALL EAT SHIT.
Every one of them and their refusal to see their actions as political.

She brings me hot chocolate and hydroxyzine.
The social worker asks me how my phone call went.
I yell about the politics of diagnosis. Ask her if she knows eugenics started in California. If she's seen the pictures of us crawling up the capitol steps. My psychiatrist thinks his actions aren’t political.
She asks how my phone call went.
The lifespan for trans people is 30. I ask her how old that makes me. Other old people are allowed to die.
She asks me how my phone call went.

She asks me how my phone call went and all I can see is static.
I've never been a fan of artists who tell people what there art means because I've always thought that the beauty of art is that no same person ever sees the same painting or reads the same poem. So I'd just like to say that I am indebted. Lady Fey is, like many of my poems, a reflection of one of the most beautiful and painful experiences I have ever gone through. I am so grateful. I wish I could express how beautiful and comforting it is to see people identify with my writing. This is a gift I didn't know I needed.
Thank you.
And a special thank you to my dear friends Spencer Perkins, and Caroline Alger, for theircontinual support during this chapter of my life, and for the nomination.

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PennyDiamond

Artist | Student | Varied

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:iconsupach:
Supach Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2017  Hobbyist
:wave: Hi thanks for all the :star:`s and hope you had a great Birthday :w00t:
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2016   Artist
Hey~~

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in listening/sharing my music?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!

-Dylan Seto
Reply
:iconpennydiamond:
PennyDiamond Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2016  Student General Artist
No problem! :)
Sorry, I'm pretty busy right now, but good luck with the music!! :)
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2016   Artist
That's fair :)
Reply
:iconstevie-wydder:
stevie-wydder Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2016
Thank you for the new faves ! :)
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:iconpennydiamond:
PennyDiamond Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2016  Student General Artist
No problem! 
Reply
:iconcuiledwen:
Cuiledwen Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2016
Party Happy Birthday! Cuddling up with someone close...


I hope you will enjoy a wonderful day! :PeachBlossom: 
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:iconpennydiamond:
PennyDiamond Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2016  Student General Artist
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconsupach:
Supach Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2016  Hobbyist
Happy Birthday :)
Reply
:iconpennydiamond:
PennyDiamond Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2016  Student General Artist
Thank you! :)
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