"Hey you want some unicorn horn?" is getting to be a pretty common question, i mean its not illegal, it has no adverse side effects, and it works just like any other drug. What's the harm in taking just a little?
well i'll tell you the problem, the people who procure the horn are brutal, did you know that most horse meat is in fact Unicorn meat labeled as horse? well i did some research and it turns out that the amount of "free range" unicorn to mercilessly hunted and butchered unicorns is 1:20,000? i find this to be a severe issue considering that a unicorn can score a 270 on an IQ test WITHOUT TRYING! so we go and chase after Unicorns and once we catch it we break it's legs and load it into the back of a van, to keep the horn nice and fresh, and the thing has to watch as we saw off it's horn and toss it into a pile ready to go straight to processing. it is then trucked over to a plant where we unload it and snap its neck, it's corpse is then skinned and it's hide turned into bulletproof vests. we hang its dripping corpse from meathooks and gut it, making sure to keep all the entrails for offal, it is then dripped dry its black blood is then used to cure the meat and then the excess is used as painkiller. the meat is sent to be cut into the different grades and types such as unicorn rib, unicorn porterhouse, unicorn ribeye, and so on. this process happens so often that the unicorn population in America in 1996 was approximately 2 million, in 2006 there where less than 1 million, thats over half gone in just 10 years so I ask the question, what is going to happen when in 2016 there are no more unicorns? hey you want some narwhal horn?