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My last journal entry was dated back in 2011, and I had just reached a certain milestone with one of my more popular pieces, my New Link pic. In terms of my personal life, along with my artistic career, there have been many updates, changes, growth, etc. and I figured, for those who do check my page, I should update.

My last journal entry was dated on June 16th, 2011 - two days before my mom's 60th birthday. Unfortunately, on June 17th in the early morning hours, I watched with heartbreak as my mom slipped away in her battle with cancer. She fought, and at around 4am it was her time to finally rest. One of the reasons I chose not to update my journal on here, was because I didn't want to move on. Even now, I still feel the effects of taking care of her, and the empty space in my heart that exists with her absence. I felt in a way, that updating my journal would be a sign of disrespect in that I didn't want to observe a 'diary entry' from when she was still around.

My last journal entry was titled "On a Positive Note". That time in my life, watching my mom fade from her chemo treatments, only to be diagnosed with even more cancerous cells spread throughout her body, is a very conflicted time in my life. When she came off the chemo, there were some dire realities that I didn't want to observe at the time - all I wanted was for my mom to get better. When she did get off the treatments, she was diagnosed with maybe 1 week to live. She lived an additional 3 months. Her hair grew back, she put weight back on, she was eating foods that SHE wanted to eat, she had her children with her, 24/7, sleeping at her side and just creating so many close memories with her and each other. So many inside jokes were made. And she would tell us, that it was always (and would always be) just her and us, that we always had each other. So though there were hard realities to face, looking back there are even more positive memories that were made.

My last journal entry talked about my artwork, and how I hit over 1000 views with my New Link picture. Since then, I've added several more pieces of work to my gallery, the most popular of those (currently) being the Evolution of Link, with over 20000 views. I've also done several more shows and conventions, the biggest one being Megacon, which was an amazing experience - I do wish that I would be there for 2013, though. I was featured, along with my artist friends JP Perez and Mark Gil Perez, in the local newspaper, and I just did Otronicon 2013 last weekend, as a featured artist for the third time. I'm finding that it does take more than just making the art, you really have to put yourself out there, which is something I still need a ton of work with...but I'm glad to say I'm started.

My last journal entry was over a year ago, and in a way I was afraid to let my mom down and myself down for updating it. But I imagine with all that has gone on since then, she would be proud. Here's to my next journal entry - let's hope it's not as infrequent. I love you, Mom.

  • Listening to: Brink of Time
  • Reading: Mythology books
  • Watching: The Office
  • Playing: WoW: MoP
  • Eating: Chinese Food
  • Drinking: Alka Seltzer
Nyodra Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is both beautiful and tragic. I'm very sorry for your loss, but I am so glad you were able to make some lasting positive memories before it was too late. I know your mom would be proud of you. Good for you for taking that first step on the other side, because sometimes you wonder why the world keeps spinning for a really long time. Its almost like death lulls you into thinking everything will be different after they are gone. And it is, in so many ways, but its also tragically the same. Still have to go to eat, walk the dog, answer the phone.. It gets easier, but it will never stop being hard. Good luck in this next year, may it bring you peace and happiness. :)
Paterack Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for the kind thoughts and insight. That's something I needed to realize - that there is life after this. It can be corny and cliche to say, but with this new year I really do think it's an opportunity to pick myself up and really get to work. Call it a new sense of invigoration, motivation, whatever, but there's no time like the present to really work towards greatness. And I definitely wish you the same, along with overall success - in your artistic exploits, your personal life, whatever the case may be.

And all seriousness aside, I think the photo is proof positive that I have pretty much been a lifelong Godzilla fan. Some things you just can't run away from.
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Submitted on
January 26, 2013


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