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By ParadigmPizza   |   Watch
Published: February 3, 2012
© 2012 - 2019 ParadigmPizza
So, this requires a bit of an explanation.

Instead of this being the result of some kind of idea I had, this is the direct result of something I realized about myself about a week or so ago. Now, the following rant is going to be a bit long while also talking about fellings, so if you don't want to read it I wont blame you. Just know that I won't tl;dr it at the end.

For those of you who haven't noticed, I don't think very highly of my art. At all. I've mentioned it in some descriptions, in my DA tagline, and in the title of my tumblr. It can quite easily say that I have not drawn one single thing I have completely liked. Sure, there are parts and elements of my drawings I like, but I've never made anything I would even being to consider "good." About two weeks ago I decided I would try and fix that by spending a significant amount of time on a single character. I decided I would try and paint celestia, since I like her the most out of any side character in both appearance and personality. About halfway though making it I experienced an emotion I had never felt while drawing something. I was totally happy with the way it looked. For the first time I thought I was making something that looked good. I finished and posted it about a week ago. [link]

To my surprise, the initial response was better then it usually was. Heck, it even got into a group without being posted anywhere else. I sent it in to EqD, and to my surprise got a response back! I anxiously awaited the drawfriend post that day, finally feeling like I had made something a little worthwhile.

When it finally got posted, the first image that graced my eyes was this. [link]

Needless to say, it didn't feel good. Someone had done essentially the same thing as me (Just Celestia with some kind of background), and did it so much better then me mine just looked like the scribbles of a two year old(not dissing the artist for decided to post something the same day as me). Even worse, my drawing didn't even make the cut that day.

That is the day I almost decided to give up.

Now, I know this is something every artist goes through. I'm sure every artist out there had the urge to quit at one point but decided to pressure on. Heck, some probably had a much worse experience then me and still decided to go on.

Unfortunately, these facts have never made it easier for me, and they weren't helping that day either. Though me feeling like shit about my own art made me realize something.

What if all my negativity is seeping into my art and stunting my growth as an artist?

Now don't get me wrong, everyone should be at least a little bit critical of their own work. Otherwise you would never fix what's wrong with it and never improve. Me? I had gotten to the point where I could not point out a single thing I liked about any of my stuff. It is then I realized I needed to stop hating everything I make so much. It wasn't helping my art and it certainly wasn't helping me. I decided I was going to draw something that would express all of my frustrations and poor those feelings into it.

The result is the image you see above.

And you know what? I feel good. I feel damn good. not just about this but about myself. For the first time I don't even care what kind of reception my drawings get. It just feels amazing to finally be rid of all the negativity and the constant comparison of myself to other artists.

Which is why the bright piece of paper is there. I know I'm not good now. I know I haven't made anything that's good by conventional standards, But one day I will be. One day, I will make something that's considered good by those standards, and if you're and artist in the same place as I am so will you. Because atop the mountain of all the art studies, the not-so-good sketches, and the bad drawings is every artists first truly good work. So what are you waiting for?

You have a mountain to climb.
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anonymous's avatar
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StitchpunkGem's avatar
   Even if most of my art is just stitchpunk stuff, I sometimes think that the work in my art is repetitive, and that people find it annoying.
BronyNo786's avatar
BronyNo786Hobbyist Digital Artist
I sometimes think about my art too. All I do is wallpapers, which aren't regarded highly in the fandom. My style is also very different from other wallpaper creators, so I hardly get noticed. Heck, months often pass before I get a single comment, fav, or download. But inside of me I feel content that I've accomplished something that I am proud of.. And in the end, that's what matters more than viewership. 

We fall to rise. Every time I have an idea for a wallpaper, I explore my arsenal of tricks and techniques I know off by heart, and if I find something I want to look like but don't know how, I look for tutorials and keep going until the appearance is just right. 

If you only focus on those at the top of the game, you'll only make yourself feel bad that you're not similar or equal to 'em - when in truth that shouldn't really matter. No one shouldn't quit their singing career just because they don't sound like Micheal Jackson, for example.
thegrimreaper123's avatar
I am amazed in two aspects first how bad you think your art is and second how you wrote this with the emotion that you felt so detailed that I understood and even felt what you say you did amazingly good work.p.s. I think you should write the bottom bit as a story and or journal entry.
KopaLeo's avatar
KopaLeoHobbyist Digital Artist
This is really emotional, and I can see that your art has improved in the 10 months.
I also have such unhealthily low self-esteem, and I'm constantly depressed by it.

PonyProse's avatar
PonyProseHobbyist Writer
:iconiknowthatfeelplz: I retaught myself to draw this summer, after I stopped several years ago because of my degenerative eyesight. Who needs an easy ride? :iconponyswagplz:
NamimoriGamer's avatar
NamimoriGamerStudent Featured
wow......i just find this,your drawing is fulled a lot of feelings (at the first look) and when i read this i confirmed, i feel in this situation, i don't gonnalie,i'm very depresing but i feel much better before i have read this,you're an great artist and when i feel bad again i gonna read this over and over again
thanks for you art and for everything *reverence*
P.S:Sir,you have my respect for life
P.S.2: i wanted for write more but my english is a little bite bad,sorry ><
ParadigmPizza's avatar
ParadigmPizzaHobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks! That really means a lot to me.

And don't worry about your english! I got what you were saying just fine.
FluxPony's avatar
FluxPonyHobbyist Digital Artist
This is very inspiring indeed.
true-shazb0t's avatar
Paradigm? Lemme tell you something.

I have your picture fave'd. That other one you linked? I do not.

You can beat yourself up about your work to the point of depression all you want, and say that the peak of your career is still miles away (and maybe it is).

But that doesn't change the fact that you have one of my favorite styles of ANYONE on DeviantArt. Hell, I want to make stuff more like yours (but sadly, I can't art 6_9).

This is incredible. The Celestia you did is incredible. The other stuff of yours that I've seen is incredible. That linked one that someone else did looked plasticky - yours looks radiant.

I know how it is to self-doubt too. I'm writing a fanfic right now, and I have zero self-confidence in how it's turning out. But after I showed it to one of my really good internet friends, and told him where I was going with it, he said it was the best fan fiction plot/idea he'd ever seen.

I'm not trying to boast. I'm trying to say that you are your own harshest critic. That can be okay, for the reasons of self-improvement that you said. But never, ever let the shackles and dead weights of your mind drag you down; instead, let them show you how high you can fly, once you are unchained.
ParadigmPizza's avatar
ParadigmPizzaHobbyist Digital Artist

Thanks! It's really awesome to hear stuff like that, especially since I'm still relatively new to this whole art thing.
true-shazb0t's avatar
Well, I'm glad one of us is doing better (I've got colossal writer's block right now).

Glad to help. :)
Poppun's avatar
Aww, this is the first one of your pictures I've really seen but looking at this and the sample pictures from your gallery what I have seen is adorable.

If it helps my view has always been to focus on making sure that you're happy with it, it probably won't look as good to you later on as it does now but that often happens when you improve, if you focus on what you've done right and have confidence in your work success will come on it's own. The point of creative work is that it's meant to be fun.

I'm not sure how clearly I've made my point but more than all of those about the nature of artistic expression, I think Dick Van Dyke said it best as Bert from Mary Poppins: "I draw what I like and I like what I drew"
anonymous's avatar
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