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I am so humbled by the activity on this site even whilst my intermittent absence. Just goes to show that dA is full of amazing people who are true fans of art and maybe even just bored enough to find my shizz online. But, I still :blush:

A quick update: I'm still in Orange County, live with my boyfriend in a small and humble apartment, sold off my DSLR because I needed the money (but don't worry, I'll be photographing again in the near future!), and now freelancing in digital and online marketing.

If you'd like to keep in touch with me still, I'll be back visiting the site, I promise, but here are the other networks that I encourage you to follow me on :)

Twitter -
Pinterest -
Tumblr -

I'm on those FAR more than dA, but I will be back on again once I start creating again... and who knows, maybe it will be in a new medium... :-O
  • Watching: naruto
  • Drinking: grande dirty soy chai latte
So I was at Comic-Con San Diego this past weekend, and it was very fun. I revived Sexy Pikachu (see my deviations), and boy was I a hit. I'm sure there will be lots of pictures of me on the interwebs soon.

Anyone going to Yaoi-Con? I really want to go now that I know the kind of attention people give you when you're dressed so cute and sexy ^^
  • Listening to: love by kazaky
  • Reading: zilch by nancy lublin
  • Watching: naruto
  • Eating: banana
  • Drinking: water
The blog:


If you haven't guessed it by now, it's all about pandas and oranges... :)

Subscribe/follow/share me... love and thanks!
  • Listening to: s&m by rihanna
  • Reading: zilch by nancy lublin
  • Watching: modern family
  • Eating: pinto beans
  • Drinking: water
... is as good as another."

In other words, if you're NOT doing something, what does it matter why?

When I read this, I knew I was making a big mistake. I was doing absolutely nothing, yet complaining that my life was heading nowhere.

This is the year, folks. I'm full-throttle, baby, and ain't nobody holdin' me back.
  • Listening to: Sorry, Sorry by Super Junior
  • Watching: Mad Men, Season 1, Episode 4
  • Eating: Hummus
  • Drinking: Coke Zero
Just as I had predicted from the previous post almost too many months ago, a lot has happened in that time frame. All for the better, I think.

For my new muse, I had to give her away pretty much the instant I got her :( I had lost my job when I received her, so I didn't think it would be wise for me to also raise a new kitten at the same time. Luckily though, I only gave her away to my (now ex-) roommate to give to his girlfriend. Still, the kitten lived with us. Her new name is Princess Buttercup, and they found her a new playmate, a male kitten named Juice (so their initials are PB&J- how cute!).

As far as my employment, I am working again :) As a matter of fact, I have been working for 3.5 months now. I was only unemployed for a mere 3 weeks. In which I got nothing accomplished, except rest. Hah.

I'm a merchandiser at an unnamed retail chain. Here's a description of the title, pulled from
"Job Description: Visual Merchandisers are responsible for conceptualizing, designing, and implementing window and in-store displays for both online and brick and mortar retail stores. Visual Merchandisers must combine their creativity and artistic flair with technical know-how to set up displays that maximize the space of the store while effectively catching the eye and appealing to the senses of their target customers. Their mail goals are:
(1) create and maintain an image for a department or store that resonates with their target customers,
(2) increase customer traffic in the store, and
(3) guide their customers' browsing through merchandise placement and store layout to result in an eventual sale.
Visual Merchandisers may provide input or oversee the design and layout of a store or department, fashion showrooms, tradeshow displays, and any other areas where the store's apparel and accessories are displayed, promoted, or sold. In addition to drawing on their knowledge of customer tendencies when designing their displays, Visual Display Artists take into account current fashions and trends, promotions, and seasonal factors, such as holidays (e.g., Christmas and Valentine's Day). In larger department stores or retail chains, Visual Merchandisers coordinate with the head office and other design teams (including buyers and sales staff) to ensure consistency with the corporate brand or image."

Nothing extremely fancy or too well-paid, but I am having a great time with this new job! It's fun, challenging, and rewarding. Although, there have been a few changes that the team and I will have to adjust to, it's all for the better!

In my social life, my friendships have gotten tighter. Hanging with those that matter the most, and weeding out some that don't matter so much. I've moved to another place to save on rent, with some friends, although I rarely see them as my schedule at this new job is ungodly.

In love, for a while, I was off-market and really happy. But, things have been a little rocky (har har) recently and I've decided to break it off momentarily until we both are really able to work in a relationship. He lives about 100 some odd miles from me, and it's been a little hard trying to see each other every week. Also, there are just things that we both are too stubborn to admit or change that makes it a little harder to be content with the situation. But, in time we will see. It was a really great relationship, and I hope that in the future, our situations will change, trending for us to cross paths again. With that said, he's still coming to visit me this weekend. >.<

And as far as what most of you are here to know me for, my photography. I haven't done any modeling shoots yet. YET! Meaning I will do them as soon as life settles down, and I get enough money to support myself. Good news though, I just got back my softbox that I've lent to a friend months ago. Yay!

Well, that's the end of this chapter. Stay tuned for my changes in my life and hopefully more artwork to put up!
  • Reading: The Art of Seduction
  • Watching: Memoirs of a Geisha
  • Drinking: London Fog Latte
Wow! Such an AMAZING response coming from my most recent deviation! I want to thank everyone for such overwhelming support for my new muse. :D

But, underneath this photo there is an underlying message. Most of you read about my recent change in work on my last journal entry. Well, as of yesterday, I am unemployed. Worst part of it all, since I am in sales, I was released due to "poor performance" when really, they tried every way possible to start laying off people without having to pay severance.

So, for the time being, I am jobless. But, luckily, some friends of mine are willing to hire me as their house cleaner (omg, really!?) but I cannot complain and should just be grateful that something has come along for the time being. Plus, I can concentrate on shooting more pics of my newest muse.

So a question to everyone: do you think it's worth it to make PRINT available for pics of my new kitty?
  • Listening to: M.I.A.
  • Reading: I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
  • Eating: Ramen
  • Drinking: Corona Light
Due to the current economic status, the company I work for (which will remain unnamed) has been cutting costs and reducing budget. Hence, my position has been reconsidered and I am no longer full-time, but now part-time. So I will be making much less money these days.

I have two weeks to figure out how I am going to live this way. I live out here in CA on my own; my family is out in TN. I have to find a new place to live, someone to take over my lease, a new job, etc.

I could complain about it. I could cry about it. But, what would it change? I could go on about how many times I've bended over backwards for this company, but it doesn't change the fact that they need to reduce expenses. I've climbed up and quickly went back down in position with them, but it doesn't change the fact that I was a part of their decision to cut back.

But, what does this mean? Everything happens for a reason, right? Now I will have more time to concentrate on my photography and other artistic endeavors. You all have probably noticed I have been very M.I.A. recently on here, because I will trying to advance in my career in retail. Well now that it has come to a halt, perhaps it is time for me to reconsider my career path and my personal goals.

Here's to a new part of my life. Let's hope it is for the better.
  • Listening to: bossy by lindsey lohan
  • Reading: rich dad poor dad
  • Drinking: alco... uhm, water.
...I have lived to this date. Let's hope for many more... :D


p.s. Will be coming back strong! Je toi promets!
  • Listening to: if it's lovin' that you want by rihanna
  • Watching: like me by girlicious music video
  • Drinking: diet coke/cherry coke
I've been trying to do this one for some time, but at the spur of the moment, I just started snapping away at the dog, and then it eventually came over to me taking pics of myself (how conceited, right?).

There's a lot of songs that ring a bell in my heart or I just simply really like. And I've been wanting to take a picture based around the song. This series is simple and less constricting. I base a picture around whatever song I've been addicting myself to recently. Not that the image itself has to do anything with the song, but it just happens to be that I am shooting while playing this song over and over and over again.

The first one's a self portrait, because it was accidental. I'm in a good mood when I listen to Rihanna's song, "If It's Lovin' That You Want" from her first album, Music of the Sun.
  • Eating: honey bunches of oats with almonds
  • Drinking: water
Life is all about all that you give and all that you take.
Life is learning from the wise and teaching the pupil.
Life is what happens when you make other plans.

Life is a bitch, and then you die.

I have to admit, although I deeply regret having moved to California, I feel that it was a necessary move. It's true, you learn a lot about yourself, including the way you handle certain situations and how you carry yourself. But unfortunately for me, the notion that a move warrants a way for you to restart your life, is not 100% applicable to me.

No matter how much I tell myself it's not true, I cannot deny the fact that I moved out here to pursue a relationship. Whether or not I should have realized that it was doomed from the beginning is unimportant. That fact alone is what regulated my life cycle from the beginning. I still do not have a full-time job, I haven't done much if anything at all with my photography, and I am still living with the guy I originally thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; and not to mention I am living off his money. What a blow to my pride.

I ran into a stupid situation with my friends today, and albeit truthfully I should not be mad, it still bothers me to this point. I've tried so hard to make good friends, to feel accepted and appreciated, and try every possible outlet available to get my mind off trying to get over a relationship failure. I've tried so hard to find guys to fill that certain void in my heart and time, to hopefully find that one guy that will certainly release me from this emotional situation I got myself into. And I know that's wrong because I know that I am in no position to be in a relationship right now. But I ask for a lot in such a small amount of time. And now I am paying for it, letting my heart get crushed by little situations my friends pull on me that wasn't really intended to be personal, but I take things personally anyway. It's a flaw of mine that I've got to work on.

Why am I here? Why did I make this move, and what did it teach me? I try too hard in the areas of life that I shouldn't be trying hard in the first place. I should be channeling all of my energy to finding a good career path, getting myself financially stable and preparing my name and reputation in the photography field. Instead, I quickly develop empty relationships (my fault), weaken my already fragile and dense heart, putting myself into this almost bottom-low position and forcing people into situations where they do not belong. And I am sorry- I really am. And I hope that every one knows that no matter how wrong I've done to someone, I make the best effort to repay it, and then more.

I fell. Hard. Slowly, but surely, and hard. What the hell can I do now to repair it all? What is there left to do to mend my tear in life that I've stupidly created? Take steps, that's all baby. Take small steps and I'll know that I've covered all my bases when I reach the top.
  • Listening to: super hyphy remix by keak da sneak
I'm sorry I've been infrequently updating... but on the same token, I haven't read ANYONE'S journals for the past, say, 5 months now.

So... instead of sifting through all (what... 300 unread journal entries?) I just deleted them all, and ask you to update me on what I need to know about you! Where are you? What are you doing? What artistic endeavors are you trying out?

I feel bad... really :(
  • Listening to: sensual seduction fyre department remix
I'm not quite done with the live band series just yet, but it is time for a change.

I was inspired to shoot animals when I saw a job posting for a pet photographer. Naturally, I was interested, but then realized that I had not officially shot with an animal before. Although the position said it required little to no experience in shooting animals, I still never got a call or email back. But I still have decided to take a leap into another direction.

So here's one of them. This is my roommate's dog. Lucky is his name (btw, I hate that name for sounding sooo close to my own, grr).
  • Listening to: the dog drinking water
  • Watching: step up (the first one!)
So I never really have gotten the chance to shoot ever since I moved out to CA. Actually, I've had times where I could've used to shoot, but for some reason, it's just so much harder here. I think it's because I'm so focused on just getting myself settled and making money that I forgot how much photography made me happy.

I got invited by a fellow coworker to go to his show that he was hosting, an all-girls live band show. All the acts were either just girls or had lead girls in a band. It was quite an interesting night, and I was much impressed by the hidden talents that Orange County has.

I almost wanted to decline shooting the show... I HATE, absolutely HATE event photography. It's hard and unpredictable... I can't think that fast! But hey... there's a first for everything right? And this would be my first live band performance shooting ever.

So here it is... my first photo series in like 4 months, Live Band performances.
  • Listening to: a baby crying off in the distance
  • Reading: associate orientation facilitator's guide
  • Watching: the runway
  • Eating: taco bell
  • Drinking: water
500+ unseen deviations
200+ unread messages

Wow, have I really, I mean really let myself get to this point? I did not realize I was this far behind on this site! And on top of that, my SUBSCRIPTION RAN OUT AHH!

While I'll wait til I get back home to apply for another subscription, let me take this time to update you on current happenings.

x Currently I'm at DFW airport awaiting my next connecting flight back to OC. I was home in Nashville for only 1.5 days, because I need to get back to work!

x I've been "going out" trying to get myself over this past relationship. In an idiotic sense, I did kind of move out here to pursue that, and now that it is not working out, I've got to redevelop my own life out here. But in all honesty, things between us are just fine and I wouldn't change it for the world.

x I still live with the ex, but hopefully in a few weeks I'll be moving out into my own apartment.

x I still work for Express, and need to start completely thinking about my future goals. I love Express, but if I am not progressing up the chain fast enough, it's time for me to reconsider other avenues.

x I'm seriously thinking about getting an MBA in Marketing.

x I haven't shot a model in SO FRIGGIN' LONG. I've been shooting stupid stuff here and there, and I'll need to post it soon. I miss this site, and especially ALL OF YOU GUYS AND GALS!

x My health is okay and my family is borderline falling apart. I feel kind of bad having moved so far from them, but hopefully things will get better soon and the divorce happens painlessly and quickly so everyone can get a move on.

x I need to start exercising again ><

x My sense of style is sharpening more and more as I get more involved with Express. I've bought Elle and Men's Vogue while I'm here and I need to start developing my styling skills, in fashion, skin care, make up, etc. If I want to be in Fashion Photography, I gotta know allllll about it!!

x My position at Express is Associate Knowledge and Retention. That's a big responsibility, considering all the future plans I have for my associates... buahahaha.

Ok, that's enough for now. TIME TO GET CRACKIN'!
  • Listening to: silence
  • Drinking: water…

best comment on this blog wins. maybe hopefully i will win, too? lol

sorry for the lack of attention on this site... ive been busy!! i promise to regularly update soon!!
  • Listening to: across the universe sdtk
  • Reading: im's from a friend
  • Watching: lucky sleeping on my arm
  • Eating: cereal
It may be tough to get past a breech of trust today, especially if someone close has disappointed you. Nevertheless, you may have to forgive him or her, no matter how hard this is to do. Don't let your sensitivity get in the way; swallow your fear, move past your old hurts, and accept that you aren't responsible for fixing all the wounded people in your life. ~cancer horoscope, november 28


Thanks to him, I'm more confident than ever before.

Altho, it's still a bit unstable at times. I suppose that is it up to me to work on. :) Living with him isn't the healthiest thing an ex can do, but it helps a lot financially.

He's got a new puppy... Lucky's his name. It's very similar to my name, so I get confused a lot. Hah. I take care of Lucky a lot when he's gone to work. It's gonna suck when I move out :(

Keep your eye on the goal... you'll get there eventually...
  • Listening to: silence
It's hard to know what is appropriate today, for your emotional boundaries may be a bit fuzzy. You could waste time and energy lost in feelings that actually belong to someone else. Visualizing a shield of impenetrable light around you can be enough to reestablish a perimeter that keeps others out who aren't expressly invited. ~cancer horoscope, sunday, nov 18 2007

This could not be more true to what happened recently. Sometimes, you ask things that you think are harmless, but could be a lot for another person. Otherwise, you want so many answers to all of your questions, but you know the truth in them already, and hearing it again, will just make it hurt that much more.

You know you don't regret anything, when you've done the best you could at the time, with the knowledge you have. Some things just can't be helped, and it is no one's fault. People make mistakes, but we do our best to learn from them and do better the next time around. Or, we just don't venture into that hurtful realm again until our heart is ready for it.

For me, I know I'm well deserving, because I do my best to do what's right. But even bad things happen to good people, and even good people make bad decisions and have bad days. And sometimes, what's right in my head, isn't right to other people. I make mistakes just like everyone else, but at least I can man up to it, and I am proud that I can now do that.

Some people take my strength in various ways, mostly in ways not of my original intent. But it's how I grew up, and the experiences I've had, that makes me who I am now and how I react to certain situations. It may not be right in your perspective, but to me, it's all I know and am comfortable with. Only I know how I will end up, so I let no one else decide my path, unless that is I am truly lost, or I truly don't give a damn.

I know what it is I want, and I go out and get it. Recently I've lost sight of that, but it's time to get back in touch with who I really am. And if being aggressive makes people think I don't love, then so be it. It's true... I'm the kind of person to make changes if I do not like the situation I am in.

I am true to my heart, to my goal, to my desires. I am resilient, but often times lose focus and get off track. But once I fall, and fall hard sometimes, I get right back up and achieve what I had initially set out to achieve.

My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. My heart. I love more than the word love can mean, and I care more than a mother's hand upon her baby's cheeks. And once I learn to control that, my heart can also become my greatest asset.
  • Listening to: emotion by mariah carey
  • Reading: the fifth mountain by paolo coelho
Here's a deviation (drawing) from another artist here on dA, whom apparently was inspired by me and my gallery. And I really like it... eventho I seem a bit narcissistic, :shrug: I guess I am :dohtwo: No, just kidding, I'm not, I'm just humble, I'm just the easiest model to get a hold of by me... :lmao:…

Caught by cHaraess by :iconcharaess:

Thank you love :love:

p.s. I must say, I wish my body and hair really looked like that right now... =P
  • Listening to: gotta work by amerie
  • Reading: the fifth mountain by paolo coelho
  • Watching: scrubs
  • Playing: risk
  • Eating: butterfinger crisp
  • Drinking: green tea
My laptop's fully charged, and I still have the power cord plugged in. <snap>

I bought/we played RISK tonight. Target has this new "limited vintage edition" for the classic games. It comes in this nice board box… . Pretty cool shit. Ivan won. Beginner's luck :dohtwo:

Learned a life lesson: The game of risk, is sometimes not won by those who take big risks. They eventually thin themselves out and die.

Have been sending out emails to companies, and slightly avoiding intense emotions of love, and occupying my time with eating, tv, and video games. Just rented Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness. Same game as Colosseum, just a new story. Gah.

I just got a ticket (finally, I guess) for parking in the visitor's parking lot without a permit. My friend's permit is gone with another friend. Damn.

"Emotions are so tangible that you could build scaffolding with your feelings now. Avoiding serious commitments will allow you to let your imagination meander on its own. Keep in mind that even the most impractical thoughts can have very practical consequences. Exploration of your inner worlds will lead to outer rewards."

I will take that to heart. I'm tired of being sad and feeling lonely. It's time to work on me. :D
  • Listening to: the humming of another comp
  • Reading: the fifth mountain by paolo coelho
  • Watching: heroes
  • Playing: mario party 7
Wow, I finally hit 10,000 pageviews! But I think it was sometime yesterday or day before... I dunno, I haven't been paying a lot of attention recently; a lot has been going on!

I don't know what it is, but either someone is conspiring for me to not move here, or someone's really testing my patience. It's been one thing after another. Not only did it thunderstorm half of my drive out here, but the CA fires just happened to be conveniently timed with my arrival. At least now it's subsided and the area I'm in only gets the ashes.

And not too recently, I'm running into problems with my memory and whatnot. I've lost my credit card and wallet (separately) but have found both of them. I kept forgetting parts of my costume. And now I've lost my keys to my car, which i don't think I will find now. Hopefully my mother can send it ASAP!

And let's not forget love issues. Yeah... I'm in love, so what? I just have to be patient and helpful... that's all. :D

But overall I'm a tad depressed. Good thing I've made friends here, we've hung out a lot. Recently it's been just playing Smash Bros. Melee or Mario party 7 on the gamecube... but hey, everyone's having fun :)

Keep strong, keep faith, and keep fighting. I'll eventually make it happen.