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About Varied / Hobbyist Sora Marisisgon XiOther/United States Group :iconlittlenightmaresds: LittleNightmaresDS
 
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Pancake-the-Pikachu
Sora Marisisgon Xi
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
My real name is Sora: I speak in riddles. My partner is Pancake: he’s my only joy.






....

The story of Pancake is that when I got my first Pokémon game ever: Pokemon Platinum, I had caught a male Pikachu and jokingly named it Pancake after my friends and I were chugging Maple Syrup. Surprisingly, he became a loyal and yet powerful asset to my team, despite always being the first to faint he was there for set up, strategy, and overall became my wild card for any battle. From then on I always had a Pikachu name Pancake in every Pokemon game ever ^^

A little about Pancake:
- Like regular Pikachus he loves to drink a condiment out of a bottle, but only it’s maple syrup and not ketchup.
- He has a lightning bolt scar over his left eye, no one knows where he got it
- his left eye is grey and blind because of said scar. His right eye is red
- He has a red bandana scarf that was given to him by me
- He has a different form called “Bloodlust”
- Unlike normal Pikachus, his fur is lighter, cheeks darker, and the brown stripes on his back and tail are lighter as well
- He has a neutral nature
- other info will come as more art of him is released!

As for the cute tan and white husky puppy you see- that’s Otto. My son who tragically got ran over by a truck on April 10, 2018. He will live on here on my account <3

Note that I will NOT tolerate any mean-ness going on here on my profile and you immediately be blocked. I want my community to be a place where everyone can get together and have fun. If you are someone who got blocked; I can give you a second chance after you wait 24-48 hours to be unblocked.







Please note that this profile contains sin, cancer, cursing, and other unholy materials which you will need to wash with wat ever suits you.

This profile does not hand out holy water, crosses, or bibles, So please bring your own holy materials.

Also.

Gay frogs.


Requests stamp by MeganTheRabbit
I do not do requests, but I will do commissions and collabs with art trades depending on the people I'm trading with.
Interests

Activity


Happy Birthday to a Hot Vampire
If you have no idea who this is, his name is Alister Grinvoe and I have been given permission to post this one sketch TODAY - Dec 10 - which is his birthday.

I am obsessed with this bastard- have been and always will be lol

Alister will make his grand appearance in Threnody 2, which all belongs to IMissMi 
Loading...
96 deviations
This entry will be broken up into three parts:

1. My life on Deviantart
2. Issues between C and me
3. Future plans

Concerning my daily checks on Deviantart.

They’ve gotten extremely hard. As you all know, I have a terrible reputation for my old lying compulsion that I’m struggling to get rid of. This comes with many side effects that you all probably don’t know of yet. Although the many of you who have reached out to me and forgiven me or offered help; I still get the occasional note or comment that completely dismissed I’m a human being and ridicule me for being some entirely cruel, entirely bad guy. Let me make this clear for you all-

I do understand I was a horrible person, and taking advantage of someone’s fragile state of mind is something I can’t forgive myself for. I expected a lot of hate when I came out with the truth, but never hate so strong that it has started to little-by-little, destroy my self-confidence as well. These notes are deleted immediately upon sight; I just can’t deal with them anymore.

Another side effect is that I’m scared to talk with you. I’m scared to post artworks with long descriptions or reply to your comments because I always expect someone to come by and tell me I’m lying or a fake or etc. etc. haven’t you all noticed that my artwork as gotten lazier as well? I’m no longer inking straight, crisp, clear lines, and I’m not shading my base colours. Hell im not even colouring in the lines- my motivation and self-confidence has depleted to the point that I’m not even working on something that keeps me HAPPY- I’m not doing the thing I love. This can also be because my more doodle-like artworks gets more comments, views, and favorites than the artwork I pour my heart into. 

There are som up-sides to coming on DA as well, where I get the occasional comment from you saying you like my art etc. etc. You may not think those comments do much, but they really do. I also get to see C... who I’ll get into later. It’s like a dice roll with her.

I love coming on here and seeing my ideas, the things I enjoy, being enjoyed by you as well. It’s all so- I dunno a word to say it, but it’s just a feeling of acceptance. That your ideas aren’t stupid or lame or dumb etc. they’re ideas that are valid. Ideas and dreams that people can understand and support you. Trust me, before coming on DA, I believed my buddy - Pancake - wouldn’t be a huge hit, and yet- they were. They’re my mascot, and a label I carry on my being at all times. And I cannot be more grateful for that.

Now. I’m sure you all are wondering what the hell is going on between C and me.

Unstable. At best.

I want to bring up a truth, an issue, that many of you might be able to relate or help me on.

I doubted C’s love for me a lot. Now hear me out-

The BIGGEST reason why I did was because she always told you guys our relationship issues. Whenever we had a fight you guys knew because she would post a status talking about how she wished to disappear or something. Whenever I would lie, she would make it into this huge issue in DA when in reality- I just wanted HER attention. Just her. And if you REALLY sit down to think about it... the entire reason why I have such a horrible time on DA is because C couldn’t keep relationship issues between us and had to make it public. Even now. 

For all of you who saw her status post where she said “not to be an attention whore, but I really wish that the bowl of cereal I’m eating right now is pills. I’m so tired of hearing and receiving broken promises”

we did have a major fight. Okay, it was mostly my fault, but listen please.

Imagine that you love someone so dearly, with everything you have. You sacrifice your family, health, life for them, and you receive nothing back but cold glares and sneers- your “lover” pushing you on a stage and stripping you naked telling the world all your secrets- all your terrible deads that you had tried so hard to bury and move on...

She is a huge reason that I’m losing so much of my self-confidence, self-esteem. I look at my reflection and always, always, I don’t see myself. I see a disappointment. I see someone who, not even the person I love and sacrificed half of my life for- she can’t even trust me. She can’t even look at me.

and it was this, this very reason that I started to push all my friends away. I started to grow toxic thoughts- that they were pretending. That they were only hanging out with me because secretly, they’re taking advantage of me.

”to protect them” I would tell myself. “To protect me”

I’m a selfish person deep down, and I’m ashamed to admit it. I understand a person cannot be entirely selfless, but I always want things to go my way. I always want things to be mine and mine only.

and I guys that’s why it’s so unstable between C and me.

we both cannot let go of what was once. She remembers our 3 years together as lies, deception, manipulation. I remember it the other way around, happiness, joy, love. And whenever we talk about it- we have such different ideas that we clash and start fighting. She tries. I promise you, she DOES try to think of me, but her mind and heart have both been broken by me and she can’t see me in the same light anymore. 

She’s unbearably cold. Bitter. Whenever I talk with her- I don’t recognize her anymore. She tried so hard during our relationship, to make me happy. To satisfy my greed. Only to be betrayed and bitch-slapped across the face. I always tell her, please, at least learn to slowly forgive and forget; to a broken soul, it’s extremely hard to do so.

I would look at her profile; her amazing art, the comments she get, the support. And I always think what if, what if that was me. What if, I didn’t lie, and she and I were still together. I just wish so much to travel back in time and stop my lies, stop it all and go a different more better timeline.

Her art is so much better compared to mine- I lose my motivation.

Her art gets so much more comments - I lose my self-confidence.

Her profile gets so much more support - I lose my smile.

”she’s so much better than me- why am I even here. I’ve lived long enough to be the villain- why do I even try to make amends? No one trusts the villain. No one dare cares to see the method behind the madness. So why try?”

Understand that I’m not trying to bash on C. She’s been through a lot. I’ve been through a lot. We’re both experiencing a pain that’s unbearable and hard to ignore or shake off. We can’t move on, or at least- I’m trying so hard to but it’s difficult with someone who won’t. I dunno. She’s not as open as before and her replies are filled with snarky remarks and such sass I gag on it. If she even dare shows a little kindness, she backs it up with something she knows would stab me in the heart. Make me weak. Have me so close to tears I wish my body was beyond dehydrated so I wouldn’t cry. 

I still care for her. Love her. But... I’m so frustrated all the time with her, and whenever I try to show this I realize what I’m doing but by then it’s too late to even dare apologize. Then I switch emotions too quickly and she becomes suspicious.

So what about the future?

If you guys can recall: November 15 was our anniversary. To “celebrate” it, I decided to start a comic. I wouldn’t focus on anything else until it’s finished.

easier said than done

Threnody. Recognize that name? Yeah. A while back the creator, Mina Rose, or iMissMi here on DA, created a post that she needed a secondary artist for the project. Of course, I immediately jumped to help.

I have also been reached out to help a group of artists make a manga for Webtoons. But I’m not allowed to talk about it more than that.

Add those two with schoolwork and it makes for a tight scheduale. 

And what about C? Well, that’s a personal issue that should be kept between the two of us. We still do get along rarely, but like I said, everytime we talk it’s a dice roll on whether or not we’ll fight. 

So I’ve decided that after the comic- I would leave DA.

maybe post some promotional stuff for Threnody and the manga, but that’s about it.

Deviantart is no longer my happy place. It hurts so much to come on here, and I still torture myself by checking on here daily. 

So it’ll be another thing I place on the shelf and collect dust. I won’t deactivate my account since... someday I do wish to come back on and do the thing I love, but right now, I just can’t.

I hope you all understand.

thank you

Comments


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:iconpyroanime2k16:
Pyroanime2k16 Featured By Owner Edited 5 days ago
Hey. I know you don't respond to comments all that much and I know I might have said this before, but I'm proud that you're doing what you believe is best for your happiness and you have my full support.
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2018
Do my words still even reach you?
Please type anything here if they do.
Did any of my keys ever fit your locks?
Did you ever wanted to answer my knocks?
Am I a wandering traveler, just passing by the ruins?
Am I an archer without proper targeting skills?
Am I just another lowly peasant of the fallen kingdom?
Am I an expellee, despised by higher beings?
Or am I something else?
Tell me, tell me...
What am I to you?
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2018
Wrong decision.
You could never be sure about what's in my mind.
You could never know if I was your foe or not.

Maybe I should sit back at the riverside and wait for whatever that will be brought here. I may catch some clues about what to do next...
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2018
Did you sense her love fading away after your confession?
Reply
:iconjnerd300:
JNerd300 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
Hi Sora I hope the links to the songs made you feel better :)
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2018
How does a person show loyalty to a higher being whom one wish to serve?
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2018
Never mind. Time is up.
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2018
I will continue to linger here until I am despised and blocked, and will not be gone otherwise.
So please do tell my wrongs and errors whenever I commit them here. Harsh or soft, however you wish.
Though I may be measly yet, I wish to ascend higher and will at least attempt to learn from them, so that I can become a nice memory if remembered.
Reply
:iconroymustey1:
RoyMustey1 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2018
Hey Sora how are you doing.
Reply
:icontfshade-000:
TFShade-000 Featured By Owner Edited Nov 16, 2018
Two years.
Not the longest, but long enough for a kingdom to meet it's golden age and demise.
Failed king, will you erect another realm, this time without puppets and demonic contracts?
A land of glory so bright, bright enough to match the blue light?
Reply
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