Come back 101

Oct 19, 20174 min read

Deviation Actions

Published: Oct 19, 2017

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_{possible whining and ranting ahead. If you dont want that, lets forget everything and just say that ill be slightly active from here and now.
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you guys im so sorry for the lack of activity !! ( i doubt any of ya'll remember my name ;o; ) i was merely thinking of what happened here in deviantArt. It used to be so.. enchanting? So exciting?? So I logged on daily,, like, everyday. I was so addicted, i was really excited for more. Then suddenly, i got used to the absense of using dA and i almost completely forgot about it.
Perhaps its because I was so inspired to share my CRINGY artworks back then, those were the days i used weird emojis that now creep me out. ( )
But now.. i just dont feel so motivated to draw much anymore. ( but i actively draw in school out of boredom. ) i just feel disappointed in myself seeing that i might have been drifting away from my friends and such. They are so nice,,, i dont deserve them.
I worry about lots of things at school since I think alot there. ( barely anyone talks to me, im too manly to walk up to someone unless its important or urgent. ) I always worry and worry until someone would strike up a silly convo with me, numbing me with the happiness drug of laughter. Escaping my worries, and homeworks.

Recently, ive been thinking up to deactivating this account; but some invisible force is telling me not to like,, huh???

I tried to inspire myself with my comeback drawing, but miraculously; the saying of "expect more works to come!!" Never been truly acheived, now, had it?
There were ALOT of occasions when i get proud of my traditional art ( when i couldn't use my tablet. ) and wish to post it here; but some people at my class started to look at me starry-eyed and asked if they could have the drawing instead.
I didn't want to hand it over, but with troubles of saying 'no'; I didn't refuse. I gave them those works I would've considered as mini-master pieces as i was proud of them. But for some odd reason i notice,,, they wouldn't say they liked it too when i'd admittedly say that i was proud of a piece. Yet when I didn't do my effort, and such; they shower me with compliments and praises. I'm so confused,,, for my hard work, they tell me nothing; yet with a doodle, they treat it as if it was the Mona Lisa Painting.

Im so sorry for ones who've expected alot to come from me; a lazy piece of trash that should be cleaned away. This isn't one of those petty little fake journals who just want attention with the so-called "depression".
Im not depressed and im seriously happy with my life, -ish.

And id remember those times when my best friend would worry for my well-being even though this piece of human meat had been rotting. He kept telling me to finish my lunches, and to eat more. Remembering when my mum had said that starving yourself to save yourself from judgemental stares isn't going to help. I'd get an ulcer. Ever since then; he ( *my bff ) had been concerned, so you don't have to worry about my stats irl. He's a stubborn guy who cares for everyone. ( shookt he even cares for me. )

You don't have to say anything sad or anything. Just pouring out some stuff that had oddly been clinging on my head for a while now.
I'm going to have a "fresh" start and try to remain like the silly goofball of a cinnamon rollie I used to be.
Gosh, does life change when you squeal at your own comments (#If_im_being_HONEST ) older comments are kinda cringy so i avoid that haha c:

^{^{was I the only one who read my comments and stuff with a cheery, high pitched voice ??? I gotta stop that haha}}

Please accept my sincerest apologies on being the natural snobby bishu ( still cant curse no matter what ??) (；∇；)

please update me to some important things ive missed for the past... months?...}