Nimian Thirtropoids

,,…and these bald midgets (1) were like:
“No sir, don’t go there! The Minotaurus is too dangerous!”
or something like that. I can’t quite say what they actually told me because as I couldn’t hear them over all the noise I made while rushing into that cave towards the minotaurus!
I will tell you four key facts about minotaurs, son:

Number I - Never run away!

That is obviously applicable in every battle you participate in! Only cowards and the people who forgot to turn their furnaces down run from battles early!

Number II - Never trust or underestimate your opponent.
That counts twice for minotaurs!
No matter what you expect, never let your guard down if you don’t want to end up in parts, soldier.
Even the most quiet minotaur maggot is sure to give you hard times if you let him surprise you.
Never turning your back against them in the first place is the best thing you can do!

Number III - Always beware the minotaur outcasts and loners because they are the most dangerous ones.
Approach them only if you are very sure about your chances of defeating them or if you’re a very good therapist and experienced cattle breeder!

And most importantly 
Number IV - Never-Ever!-FOREVER!!! Cover yourself in their piss!
It won’t mask your smell, they will attack you and if you use the urine of a pregnant cow then there’s a chance that they will do even WORSE things to you!...

AND DON’T ANY OF YOU WALKING VOMITS DARE TO ASK ME HOW I KNOW THAT OR WHAT IS THE WORSE OPTION!!!”

(Postscriptum: In the cave was just a normal-assed bull and even that one didn’t want to fight.
Those blind, smooth-skulled midget irrumators.
Well, as Chun Tzu (2) said: ,,Stercus accidit (3).”)

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,,…but anyone who isn’t a Seilenos (4) or a Centaurus is often offended if you call them an Alogomiménos because let’s face it, no one likes when someone calls you a horse fu-

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-that I mention centaurs, they are nothing like seilens.
Seilens are just a filthy bunch of maggoting lazy horse eared irrumators who can’t even hold a proper gladius (5) in their greasy fingers without getting their eyes poked out!
Instead these cowardingly cowarding cowards ambush and kill weak farmers, peacefully walking on their way through our godsblessed forests, to steal their food!
Even those fat, no good, drunkyard Fauns have some dignity to fight man to man and you can sometimes even find some courage in them when it comes to a battle, and Satyrs – ugh!
Some praise their ‘brilliant music’ and ‘amazing poetic skills’ but let me ask you a question soldier – How will these so called ‘skills’ help them win a war? Or even just a battle?
Huh?
The answer is - Not at all!!!
Centaurs on the other hand…Damnatus!
They know what it means to lead an army to a raging burning battlefield covered in thousands of piles of dead corpses!
They know how to push the enemy lines until there is nothing left to push!
They know that you should never pee against the wind!!!
And they sure know how to party hard.
More than five years I lived among these proud and beautiful lougras and let me tell you soldier that those were the best years of my life!
Sometimes I sit near a campfire and think about those happy simple times!
I get very emotional when I do that!!!”

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,,Dear Diary:
UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
Today I was walking up a small hill for a tactical break with food and wine when a Harpy skeela flew right into my face!
The audacity!
I raised my hands in defence as it swinged down with its claws repeatedly!
All that while it was trying to steal my special tactical-break-basket (I should find some shorter name for it) and constantly saying:
,,I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m just so hungry mister.”
Like a big sissy it was!
,,Mister?! I am sir for you, you skata eating chicken!!!”
I yelled in response and though unarmed I kicked its feathered butt!
In one moment I even held its leg!
Between my teeth!!!
But no matter how strong I held it, it managed to get away and my early breakfast was ruined!
Oh, dear Diary I promise you that as long as gods stand with me I will beat the faex out of the next harpy that will dare to cross my way!
The good news is that on the way back, I met some kiddos on the street that taught me how to make some very manly head wreaths out of daisies…”

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- Excerpts from the Diaries, notes and recorded dialogues (and monologues) of famous Nimian general that fought in the Erimanian wars under the rule of Nimia’s first emperor -

- Tacticus Putis Agoraetus Militaris -




Footnotes:

(0) Thirtropoids (Θιρίονθρωπου) – A sentient to partly sentient creatures that are combinations of other organisms (Mínotaurus = cow + human) believed to be created by the primal god Thirmom. Beast like thyrtropoids are called Chimeras.

(1) Bold Nimian dwarves (Νάνοτρου) – Related to the True Norse dwarves but as their name hints, unlike their northern cousins they have hard times growing facial sometimes even pubic hair. Which, as many states, makes them shameful for the rest of the dwarven societies.
The last part is of course an utter bullcrap and further proves that people will believe absolutely anything to further alienate minorities.

(2) Chun Tzu (戰 主) – The ancient Orientican general, military strategist, writer, philosopher and free time carver of prosthetic limbs whose most famous work The Art of Stabbing People (also called The War Art) was first brought into the western world by sons of the Nimian researcher of eastern lands Inferus Senes and their companion.
Chun Tzu is also known as Chun Wu (戰 武), Master Chaan or by his original name Heping-Haizi (和平 孩子).

(3) ,,Stercus accidit.” – Means ,,Sh*t happens” in the Patin language and no, Chun Tzu most probably didn’t say that.

(4) Seilenos (Σειλήνος) – Also called Horse Satyr, Wild Folk or Alogomiménos (Αλόγομιμήνος) is a humanoid creature with horse or donkey like features.
These features often include just ears and/or mane.

(5) Gladius – Sword in Nimian language Patine.


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