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Deviant for 11 Years
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Literature
Island
I want to go back to being an island,
I don’t want to feel this madness  
the one boiling down my blood
and pushing the boundaries of my sanity.
The attack towards the sanctity
of my safe headspace
is proving to be more effective
than what I’ll ever be willing to admit.
I’m exhausted and wish my bubble back,
the feeling of the protective shell
over my sensitive skin,
that one which always saved me
from the stupid pain
born from concerning with others.
I need the missing pieces of my heart,
the same ones which others stole…
mainly that one that one guy took
as is prize after managing
to break through my defenses
and take all the tenderness hidden away.
I feel like the treasure tower
crumbled after the siege
and all its contents were stolen,
I need to step back and regroup
otherwise, the currently dry
fountain of my love
will never carry it’s sweet nectar again
and the bitterness of the pain
will forever take a hold
of my broken heart.
I don’t min
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Literature
I can't
It’s so easy to start asking “why”,
it’s not even funny.
I’m painfully conscious
that it doesn’t make sense
and that I’m wasting my time by doing so,
yet my brain is in conflict with my heart.
My rational side says that trying to find out
where did it go wrong won’t help.
My emotional side states it may help
that I’ll heal faster and move on.
My active side suggest
that I only need to keep moving
that I’ll be fine and I don’t need to overthink.
I can’t reconcile every aspect of myself,
although I agree partially with each of them.
I do know in my core,
that writing and been creative
have always been my best therapy.
Keeping busy is the perfect outlet
to leave behind the sadness,
taking advantage of my manic state
is my productive way to get
ahead of my fears and pain…
There’s nothing else to do…
I just need to let all the feelings pour
and allow the embarrassment pass
by recognizing my mistakes.
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Literature
I wonder...
I wonder if you ever feel
like you have failed…
I doubt that’s the case for you,
especially considering,
how egotistical you can get.
I wonder if you ever think
about me and how I may feel…
I don’t believe you ever do,
as you are so engrossed
with your current happiness.
I wonder how long it will take
this time for either
to speak to the other once more…
or for me to finally
acknowledge that it’s way better
for my mental health,
to completely ignore your existence.
I wonder if I’ll ever
come to regret thinking so much
about how everything went to hell,
how deeply I loved and care for you,
how I pretended no to read the signals.
I wonder if there will be a time
when I can look back to this moment
and don’t feel stupid for loving you,
for not minding how little attention
you paid to me at the end
of this long and strange relationship.
I wonder… if I’ll ever be
the happy one
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Literature
Be well
What was the idea behind all this?
To remember or to forget?
To release my anger,
to admit my sadness,
to accept the disappointment?
I don’t think I even know that.
What I do know is that…
I’m hurt, I’m in pain,
I wish to forget myself.
I need to let go
and perhaps to remember,
that a contract it’s only valid
if  both parties recognize it.
I don’t think you ever understood
how important it was for me
that you understood our realities.
I loved you deeply but didn’t trust you.
I needed you in my life,
yet couldn’t follow you,
you were not interested.
We did know friendship
was never the same as love.
Desire was an integral part
of the strange relationship we had,
even so, we never saw it the same way.
I believed in a happy ending,
you didn’t feel any need
to even try to fight for it.
I gave you the space you needed,
you wanted to be pursued.
I’m not someone to chase,
I prefer to accompany.
I enjoyed keeping you company
and
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Literature
Soap Opera
What the hell was wrong with this guys? Their sense of urgency was none existent. The way that they apathetically moved the injured patient around irked the Doctor to no end. Holding back in the need to scream to the top of his lungs that they need to hurry and move the young child to the operating room was driving him mad. Probably the only thing that held him back was the fact that he didn’t work in that particular hospital and no matter how familiar he was with the protocol back home, he was now in a foreign land.
It took the emergency services over 30minutes to reach their location, then another forty to reach the hospital, the darn city was overpopulated and drives care little to nothing about the sound of the ambulance siren turn on. While the paramedics had done their best to contain the hemorrhage after he had administer first aid, the child was now looking way too pale and the threat to her life was too real.
They had been riding on a pleasure trip, vacations were pleasa
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Literature
Underwold love
Do you ever wonder how is it possible
for anyone to keep going over and over
the same topic and not get tired of it?
I guess it’s for the exact same reason
for which some people keep on loving,
even when the pain is greater than the gain.
I have no idea at this point of why I’m doing it.
Why am I still reaching out to the ghoul of this love?
Why do I keep on delighting in the macabre
horrifying pleasure of knowing there is no way
that at the end all this will be alright?
At this moment I’ve seen that there is no future.
That no matter what I chose to do moving forward,
unless my counterpart choses the same,
there is no way to end our lives hand in hand.
Still I don’t care and it doesn’t matter,
because no matter how strange and ironic it gets,
we both keep the same secret from each other…
we actually wish for a reality where we are together,
one where there is an actual happy ending.
How stupid isn’t it?
Knowing there is still so much love,
but
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Literature
My change
Funny how looking back to what I was no long ago makes me smile,
I can hardly recognize my reflection and it scares me
because I know far too well there are many reasons for it.
It’s not that I’m going crazy and I can’t see who am I,
it’s more like when I see this version of me it looks distant,
perhaps a bit colder and yet brighter to the one I was.
Maybe it’s the fact that I left behind painful pieces of myself,
while craziness still reigns freely over the madness of my day to day;
I adore the side of me which is passionate and unable to hold back,
the same one which each morning say there’s something out there…
you get another chance to reach out that which you want.
I’m thankful to father Chronos and it’s unforgiving nature,
the same one which forced me to recognize that I was no longer a child,
that I was well over the age limit I set myself so long ago.
I’m now thirty three years old and I treasure every single second,
I
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Literature
There isn't one for us
I need you, I want to make love with you,
I’ wish to burn once more in that senseless passion,
in the same daring madness that pushes us back
to the shores of  bliss and satisfaction.
I still love you a decade later,
the decadence of the times we live
does not matter to us at all,
time has meant naught in our lives
nor you nor I have been able to forget
or wished to do it because the feeling,
the hope, the will, the need to be together
has never subsided regardless of others.
I wish to crash and burn once more,
to become one with you,
to remember that this feeling was sacred
and tomorrow when daylight comes,
I won’t care about the past nor future.
We both know there isn’t one for us.
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What I've been working on lately
Funny, not sure I'll miss it, I had it for years but never really took much advantage of it I think... I hope that next year I'll be more activa again... I miss taking my sweet time writing and drawing
  • Listening to: Faith: George Michael
  • Reading: Like a Virgin
  • Watching: Marvel Knights Animations
  • Playing: Empires & Puzzles
  • Eating: Cookies
  • Drinking: Coffee

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:iconrosespectrum:
RoseSpectrum Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet

Happy birthday!
I hope you have a wonderful day!
Snowy Mountains Cake with candles 50x50 icon

snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet snowflake bullet
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:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2019
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's January 28th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW
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JJJMadness Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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Scalpel (Left)Tini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini Eye  Tini Vintage Syringe
      bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces  SCP 035 Icon [F2U]  bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
    bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley facesStack of Books Here Cometh The Hero :tale:  Red slime icon    .:Eyeball:.   Red slime icon  Here Cometh The Hero :tale: Stack of Books bunch of smiley facesbunch of smiley faces
     bunch of smiley faces Moving Eyeballs Kakigoori 50x50 iconCandle flame pink slimeShuddering Letter: H Shuddering Letter: A Shuddering Letter: P Shuddering Letter: P Shuddering Letter: Ypink slime  Candle flameMoving Eyeballs Kakigoori 50x50 iconbunch of smiley faces
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Tini Vintage Syringe leftTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini EyeEyesTini Eye Scalpel (Right)
 F2U: Black Neko Blob IconF2U: Purple Pink Pop Neko Blob IconF2U: Bright Orange Neko Blob IconF2U: Greenish Neko Blob IconF2U: Pink Neko Blob IconF2U: Tangerine Neko Blob IconF2U: Baby Pink Neko Blob IconF2U: Snow Blue Neko Blob IconF2U: Light Purple Neko Blob IconF2U: Glowing Blue Neko Blob IconF2U: White Neko Blob Icon F2U: Black Neko Blob Icon
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Nightlightxx Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks a lot for the fav.
Have a nice weekend :)
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KUZUNUE Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2018   Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav!+fav 
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