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Everyone's soul has a song, you know.

---

Gently, I tap on the drum-taut surface of your breastbone with my just-too-long fingernails, trying to find the tempo of your life. Not the time signature, not the way you fit all your little activities into blocks and bursts and cycles of regularity - that will come later, when I know you better. Maybe when you're dead, and I can lay my head on your still-warm corpse and listen to the echoes of the last throbs of your veins, I will know your time signature. But for now, all I want to know is the pace that you take.

Do you swoop and dip through life so quickly that conductor Fate has a hard time keeping up with your erratic swirls? Do you keep the heavy, ponderous backbeat of the world's orchestra? Are you a sheep in your herd or are you a frontrunner? Are you first chair or six billionth? Are you rude and brassy, shoving your way to the front of the auditory melange? Or do you add elaboration, silver and delicate, to the main theme?

I straddle your hips, keeping the tempo that feels the most right, and strike a chord experimentally down your ribcage. I smile, because I know what you are now. You aren't part of our orchestra at all - well, you're a part that's schismed. You're a low, folky sound, handcrafted and perfectly suited to back up songs about moonshine and lost lovers.

Your chuckle just confirms this, like your low drawl. "You ready to go again, sweetheart?"

I frown at you, wishing I could spare a hand to put a finger to my lips. "Shh. I'm listening."

---

I've felt many people's melodies meld into my bones, before you. I know the routine, know what to expect, know how after a week or so, my own changes. I can feel the notes shift, or the key alter, or maybe I'll stumble across an unexpected rest or two.

I say 'feel' because I've never heard my own song, though I wish to. Maybe this isn't something for mortal ears. Maybe the gypsies had the right of it - that Man is not meant to see his own face clearly.

I've tried, of course, to clean the mirror.

---

My forefinger thumps along the protruding line of my collarbone, exposed and airy as I lay flat on my back. I arch myself up, just a little, and let my mouth gape open to let the sound flow loose and limber from me. But it doesn't work. All I can hear is my same hollow thumping.

The next time I try a stethoscope. My heartbeat lubs and dubs the same throb as everyone else's - maybe a little fainter, a little faster, than the average. There are no lovely chords and strums lingering inside my chest. But they must be somewhere.

Now, I try my veins - cut five evenly spaced lines parallel and longways on each forearm to give them a proper medium, cut deeply to try and find the soul of it, not just the fancy elaboration of the topside. And as the blood wells out, I can see it. See the drops form good, proper notes on my staff, and if I audiate hard enough I can almost hear it, set the colors in my head dancing to their tune. I can't be bothered with the knocking and screaming on the other side of the bathroom door - I have far more important things to worry about.

---

The funny thing about melodies is, when the changers leave, it doesn't go back. The arrangement is permanently shifted, will never be quite the same again. When I was younger, I used to resent it. I didn't want to be changed.

But I've come to see that whether the changes were good or bad, I come out the richer for it, with my basebeat the same but the elaborations more elegant and mature.

So maybe that's why I'm not meant to hear my song. I am still a work in progress, and it's no good to hear something until the composer is good and ready.

---

I hope, when I am dying, for my time-signature to appear on my staff-paper scars, for liver spots or bruises or marks of some sort to denote my melody - at least a measure or two. I want those gathered about my deathbed to hear the music to, to set themselves dancing with the memory of my soul. And I want to see the graceful patterns that my life has woven upon my skin.
It's official. I fail so hard at actually putting pen to paper once in a while that my fortune cookies tell me to. For serious, dudes.

By the by - the Zep is the best writing music ever.

So. This is just a freewrite, trying to see what I could come up with. Decided to play off of my music obsession. Tried to keep away from the complicated music-words that mean specific things to me, cause I don't like a lot of technical terms - be they sciency or literaturey or musicky or whatever - in my writing. Tell me if this works for you - do you need still less of them or should I maybe expand the theme with more?

argh CATEGORY FAIL. can i not just have, y'know, prose? this is so not fiction, but it's not non-fiction either. and it's not really poetry, but it's close enough.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-01-23
Bonepulse by ~onyxdemoness is an intriguing concept executed with good imagery and precise prose. ( Featured by Halatia )
:iconacollagecalledcassie:
This is really beautiful. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say we have some stuff in common. I relate so much to this, and i actually used it once to explain myself to my friend (lol weird, i know)
Thank you so much for writing it though!
Reply
:iconkecharagrl:
kecharagrl Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2011
what I get from this is a person searching for their very soul. It's awesome!
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Glad you got something out of it.
Reply
:iconxxmusic-musexx:
xXMusic-MuseXx Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Remarkable. :)
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank you.
Reply
:iconisabelinlalaland:
IsabelInLalaLand Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
holy. shit. wow. um. i don't really have anything else to say... definitely deserved the DD. :D And my fav.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Hee, thanks.
Reply
:iconisabelinlalaland:
IsabelInLalaLand Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome! :D
Reply
:iconbloodxygem:
bloodxygem Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
Do like.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
:)
Reply
:iconmute9:
Mute9 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Student Writer
Oh god. This is amazing.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank you.
Reply
:iconemilyroseanne:
EmilyRoseanne Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
thats really good. makes you think.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Glad it did.
Reply
:iconthe-wolf-that-purrs:
The-Wolf-That-Purrs Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
All I can really say is wow.....its amazing. The words just flow so perfectly......
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thanks a lot.
Reply
:icondrowning-comic:
Drowning-Comic Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Student General Artist
i know almost nothing about technical music. my knowledge stops at being able to sing along to shit that i like XD

but THIS.

this is truly a masterpiece.

i've read through the comments and you seem to think it's just a little nothing you wrote on a whim, but that makes it so much more raw and powerful. the imagery comes through so clear, i actually felt a bit sick when i realized what was going on in the last bit of the third section. i mean i could hear the screaming and pounding on the door.

and you should also know, i think, that i almost neeeeeveeer read things on dA because i find them over done or underwhelming. this hooked my attention so fast i think i hurt myself trying to click on it (my thumb's a bit sore, but it could be i'm just a spazz and a klutz).

in any case, please continue to write beautifully and with as much truth and feeling as this was done~ consider yourself one fan richer <3
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
I saved my reply to your comment for last because it was my absolute favorite. I live for long rich comments like this!

I'm really glad it was as clear to you as I intended it to be, and that it felt so visceral and real. That's really what I'm going for with all my writing - I'd like to evoke some real emotion from thos who read it, and your comment has certainly let me know that I've done so. Thanks for the comment and the critique and for trying out my writing when it's not your thing! It's greatly appreciated.
Reply
:icondrowning-comic:
Drowning-Comic Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011  Student General Artist
of course, you greatly deserve it <333
Reply
:iconcelestiallacuna:
CelestialLacuna Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
Wow =] congratz on the DD and thanks for the interesting and enjoyable read
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Why thank you.
Reply
:iconfrogeyedape:
frogeyedape Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Your line "I've tried, of course, to clean the mirror" reminded me of Adrienne Rich's "Transparencies," a poem I discovered in an English class. Magic.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Huh. I'll have to check that out.
Reply
:iconshortaxel:
ShortAxel Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
this is so beautiful emily, my dear. congrats for the dd. :)
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:iconshortaxel:
ShortAxel Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
you're very welcome hun. <3
Reply
:iconserenitydiscord:
serenitydiscord Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
AWESOME.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
:D
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
even tho music has never been a big part of my life i sorta understood this:)
its beautiful, full of meaning and hardly average:heart:
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank you.
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your welcome :)
Reply
:icontinayan:
tinayan Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Student General Artist
amazing! left me speechless.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Glad you liked. :)
Reply
:iconsagittarianism:
Sagittarianism Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is genius! That's all I really have to say. :)
I'm jealous of you. You are a better writer than me. Of course, this kind of writing isn't exactly my style; I'm more of a 'think up idea, write some of it down on paper, find where it is going, outline it, type it according to outline' type of writer. I don't always come up with ideas on the spot.
Anyway, since I'm a fan of music too, I understood the idea behind the terms you used. Ingenious! :D
You are a brilliant writer, my friend. Accolades are due you.
And congrats on the DD!!! :thumbsup:

:peace:
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank ya.
Reply
:iconsagittarianism:
Sagittarianism Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :D

:peace:
Reply
:iconbluestwaves:
BluestWaves Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
nice, I really like it :) the first sentence won my heart... thank you :)
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
No, thank you~
Reply
:iconchristinafuller:
christinafuller Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Professional Photographer

breathtaking.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
:heart:
Reply
:iconwolfhuntsmoon:
Wolfhuntsmoon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
This is so brilliantly eerie but heartwarming at the same time... utterly awesome!
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmaidenofwar:
maidenofwar Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
this is so... intensely beautiful :heart:
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
:blushes:
Reply
:iconabunchoftrees:
abunchoftrees Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
Paints a great picture. Very thorough and I want to say 'complete' but I know that that doesn't fit the bill. Personally since I can understand most of the "musicky" terms I can relate to them but I think it all just depends on how a writer wishes to convey what he/she is saying.
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank ya!
Reply
:iconbecomingtia:
BecomingTia Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011  Student Filmographer
:O = hatred and envy and a whole bunch of other feelings.

Beautiful. I thought it was prose at first. ;)
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thanks, haha.
Reply
:iconimjustalie:
imjustalie Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
i love music and i love metaphors. and i love this piece. nice work!
Reply
:icononyxdemoness:
onyxdemoness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Thank you.
Reply
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