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Lord of the Blings -WIP-

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Literature Text

Lord of the Blings (Draft of Prologue...PROOF-READ! HAH!)
---
Long ago in the great land of Riddled Turf...Stuff happened. Lots and lots of stuff that people don't really seem to care about since they forgot most of it. So we'll just cut into the juicy bits...

It all began with the creation of the Great Pieces of Bling. Not only did these stylish accessories possess immense power and immediately earn respect from his people when one wore this 'bling', but looked pretty cool if worn right as well. Made from gold, silver, rubies, diamonds and all sorts of flashy gemstones and gimmicks, many of these artifacts were soon forged and given to the various races throughout Riddled Turf. Each region was reigned/watched over by the dominant race.

Three were given to the Blelves...Immune to the ravages of time, generous and the wisest of all living things throughout Riddled Turf and didn't hesitate to lord this fact over the other races, making them envied and not well liked for their snotty attitude, posh nature, vain and the fact they were pretty much immortal unless felled in combat. An upside of this race and what many saw as a saving grace was that the weapons they forged were of great quality, almost parallel in power to the 'Blings' themselves.

While seven ended up in the hands of the Bwarfs-Lords. A race that chose to distance itself from the others after being ridiculed by nearly everyone else in Riddled Turf for their size, lack of agility, short temper and the beards that didn't look good with the 'Bling'. Not to mention they had a tendency to smell a bit after mining all day. While they lived much longer than all the others apart from the Blelves, the Bwarfs possessed great strength and were master craftsmen and constructed great mountain-halls which was a work of art. The axes they created were second-to-none.

And nine were gifted to the most populace race of Riddled Turf. Men. Greedy, selfish and looking out for 'Number One', many fought over the pieces of 'Bling' that they received and demanded more because they good look so damn good in it. The list of clothing to go with the said accessories was almost as long as a Blelves life-span and were proud of this fact. It was too bad their lust for money and power nearly wiped them all out and quickly made them re-think how to live once the 'Blings' they were given were lost...which was only five years after receiving them.

Yet all of them were unaware...that ANOTHER piece of Bling was made. In the land of Poordoor, desolate and nearly devoid of life because of the active volcanoes, rugged landscape and mainly because it failed to attract tourists, the largest mountain, Mt.Gloom blazed fires that were hotter than anything in Riddled Turf. There, the evil gangsta, Oliauron demanded a piece of Bling, more POWERFUL than any other in existence. As well as the most stylish that most people would find irresistible to resist and unlike the others, put most of his power and anger towards the other races of Riddled Turf for making fun of his purple goatee.

The final result was a gold and silver die...each side had embedded in it six different types of gemstones. One diamond, two topazes, three opals, four rubies, five sapphires and six emeralds, an irresistible piece of bling that would leave his opponents in a trance before he did his most dreaded attack to his opponent. Kicking them in the groin. It was the One Bling to rule above all others.

It wasn't long before the people of Riddled Turf began to fall beneath the powers of the Bling, Oliauron's sinister laughter ringing through the air as many were helpless against the awesome might of his now stylized goatee, his outfit and of course, the die which hypnotized all who gazed upon it, swinging around his neck. Even powerful armies collapsed under his ruthless conquest for revenge. But all hope was not yet lost. A temporary alliance between the Men and Blelves who managed to shut up and stop showing off marched towards the gates of Poordoor.

As the conflict began on the very soil of Mt.Gloom, Oliauron's forces of Dorks faced off against the alliance that was ready to meet the fury of whatever awaited them. Arrows flew through the air on both sides, knocking the evil forces off their heightened position over the forces of men who were charging towards the mountain, swords raised as they began to hack through the enemy lines, while the Blelves, the lazy buggers they were decided to hang back and keep firing projectiles at those who advanced towards them.

Beginning to brag, the leader quickly noticed a whole heap of Dorks charging at them and found his men had run back for cover.

"Oh cr-"

Quickly slain, the Blelves finding their leader defeated managed to get their act together and launch a surprisingly fierce counter-attack which was actually enough to drive the Dorks back, scurrying into the shelter of Mt.Gloom before the familiar laughter of the powerful gangsta echoed throughout the plains, drawing the forces of good to gaze upon him. In mere seconds, Oliauron's Bling quickly entranced the majority of the force as he walked towards each soldier, delivering a powerful kick to the groin before they collapsed in a heap, crying before they decided to pass on, deciding it would be better than missing out on having children.

Yet the last remnants of the force managed to resist the Bling and charged at the sinister gangsta, only to find him laugh. Loudly. His voice created a huge shockwave of sound that threw them back like rag-dolls and crashed to the ground, battered and bruised as Oliauron dispatched them one by one. When all hope seemed lost and Riddled Turf was doomed, Roseldior took up his father's sword and sliced off Oliauron's goatee. Staring in disbelief that his pride and joy had been forcibly removed, vanished in a burst of dark energy, knocking down the remaining force like dominos.

The One Bling simply lay on the ground as Roseldior stared in awe at it, never getting a chance to see it up so close and it moved through his hands as he examined the powerful accessory, unable to believe it was now his. Unaware that it possessed most of Oliauron's power, he kept it to himself, never mentioning it another living person but wore it when he could. It comforted him...yet...

It led him to his demise when an ambush of Dorks caught them unawares and because Oliauron's will and power led them to Roseldior, there was little he could do as he had become frail when the Bling escaped him and was slain brutally by the Dorks when they found he no longer possessed it...and it vanished into the mists of time until it became but a myth...that was...until it was discovered by Karollum. Already the Bling's power began creeping it's way into his mind before he was completely obsessed with it.

Yet Oliauron waited for 500 years, twisting the pathetic being further and hoping for a chance to escape...to become 'whole' again. Yet again, fate was against him we he managed to 'roll' away and was discovered by the shortest, smallest and not exactly brightest of the races in Riddled Turf. A Blobbit known as Blibo Braggins.

---
A parody of Lord of The Rings, I hope to actually finish this and get it to meet my expectations. I also have Unexpected1 to blame for ';persuading' me to write this after I showed him.

Happy now?!

Comments/feedback/suggestions are welcome. This is mostly dedicated to Unexpected1 and his friends/family as well as my friends who've supported me throughout the years.

LoTR is (C) of J.R.R Tolkein...(That's right, right?)
© 2008 - 2021 OmegaWalker
Comments16
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Unexpected1's avatar
Oh that's just priceless, cause I know who Oliauron is supposed to be :D
Can't wait to see the rest of it, and who else is going to make a 'guest' appearance ;)
OmegaWalker's avatar
Indeed. I just pray that a certain someone doesn't find out, otherwise...I'm gonna die.

Or something along those lines.
OmegaWalker's avatar
Indeed. I just pray that a certain someone doesn't find out, otherwise...I'm gonna die.

Or something along those lines.
OmegaWalker's avatar
Indeed. I just pray that a certain someone doesn't find out, otherwise...I'm gonna die.

Or something along those lines.
Ziblink's avatar
I'd point out the grammatical errors, but I might get injured.

Aside from that it's a pretty solid paradoy, most of my suggestions would simply be jokes I'd insert. It's nice to see you writing something good for a change.

I mean... uh... oh hell with it.
OmegaWalker's avatar
Well sorry...I don't exactly have a spell checker. Microsoft Word is a pain. As is a certain someone not checking the PMs on Jazz2online..>_>

Suggestions are welcome, but I've pretty much got the main character names sorted out.

*feels hurt at last comment*
Ziblink's avatar
Firefox doesn't check your spelling? I always write in notepad before transferring to word or the net for final checks.

What's up with Jazz2online? I haven't had any new messages for ages, not since I was asked about the Greenthorpe story a month ago.

And I'm sorry, but I'm a member of the POTPC, we've learned to hate paradoys.
OmegaWalker's avatar
Don't HAVE Firefox. Thing's more of a hinderance than help. Something must be up with J2online though if messages aren't getting through...

POTPC? Fill me in, please.
Ziblink's avatar
*Beats you to a bloody pulp*

DO NOT INSULT THE 'FOX!


POTPC: Protectors Of The Plot Continuum; a loose organization dedicated to:

1.) The elimination of bad fanfiction everywhere, by request or complaint.

2.) The ridiculing of any bad fiction that cannot be removed.

3.) The deletion of Mary Sues

4.) The education of new writers to a superior form of literature.

5.) Killing Mary Sues

6.) Writing fanfics about killing Mary Sues, also known as MS3King

7.) Protection of LOTR and recently Harry Potter canon.


I can provide links if you like...
OmegaWalker's avatar
Please. I'm not insulting 'Fox, It and me don't get along since it refuses to work.
Ziblink's avatar
It's Microsoft, they got caught here making a window update that blocked the Fox's drivers. They had to reverse this 'unintended consequence' here, but I don't know about overseas.
patrick-brian's avatar
That's J.R.R. Tolkien. You're confusing him with J.K. Rowling, I think.
OmegaWalker's avatar
*face-palms* D'oh!...I'll have to fix that...
patrick-brian's avatar
Yeah, I'm one of those jerks who has a "Grammar Police" T-Shirt. (OK, so it's not a grammatical matter ... just demonstrating how anal I am.)
OmegaWalker's avatar
Meh. No big deal. Just as long as people like what I type, I'm happy. *gives patrick-brian 'First Comment' award*
patrick-brian's avatar
Woo-hoo! I got an award!
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