What were you thinking at all
Deciding to take the trust internally
Carnal minded -- reprobate
Surprised it was even at all
Seems never once believed in me
Single-minded – My mistake
How can this be
Taking what you want from me
All the warmth
All from me
Because your cold inside
How can this be
Turned it all into misery
Turned it all in on me
Taking all the best of me
All in all
The day we died inside
I made a wish
I made a promise I just can't keep
I bowed down to the dust where the preacher died
I'm asking why!
I wonder why...?
Is this not the way it was meant to be?
You have a secret
You told a lie that digs inside
You bow your head into the lecher's lap
You're asking why!
You wonder why...?
This is not the why it was supposed to be!
Don't you cry, don't deny
The way you feel when it creeps back into mind
Don't you stray! Don't you pray?
Don't you know that was the day you died?
I tried to whisper...it made its rounds
Know the devil's got my number
And I wonder why?
I swear I tried
Is this really the way things are supposed to be?
I will say one thing. Learning never ends. That may seem obvious, but how you can learn one lesson many ways and reach new understanding either means one didn't take all into consideration or there is depth in all things. I've been reading, studying and self-examining a lot for past month and sometimes information overload can occur and out pour in a torrent without filter. Not everyone has the same level of understanding to grasp things, so again. Layers to the cake. No matter how much I hate arguing, that fine line between trying to be understood and clarity often crosses when vision is blurred in pointing a finger and self-defense. Forgett
Probably going to delete this too, but using my best judgment, I can't vent if I still feel sick after. Going to talk about something else. I don't think I'll participate in a facade of normality, just post art and be done with it. I should comment on art, it's not too great an effort, if head is in it. I remember what i need to do, but I'm not there and may not be for a time. I can't remember how long it took before, but that had finality.
I hate to admit it, but I'm alone. It was normal in the past, but at the time it is the crushing kind. The people in this house trigger anxiety even more, or at one always yelling incessantly about something. Writing to get things out works in the moment, but not sure how much until it enough. Over 730+ days spending each day with one person, most at distance, ending are indeed taking a toll.
Much as I love protein shakes, I may end up puking what I just had up, unless that being all I've had is the problem. I'm navigating what best worked prior
I think I'm done submitting to them for the most part now. Most are set to a week or month, in which I have more important things to schedule in my brain or they are abandoned without informing people. DA does seem like it's going little by little for reasons, but that is one big peeve of mine. Merit alone it is then.