Animated Self-Portrait (Discord)

★ Apologies for lack of English grammar - I cannot be bothered. ★

A certain subscription has gifted me 3 months of Discord Premium for free, so I decided to flex by creating an animated self-portrait. It's been a while since I did any digital illustration or animation because my brain was filled to the brim with overstimulation - YouTube videos, music, gaming and lots of stress from my university and internship. Basic and simple is better for therapy (and leaving a bit of time for myself afterwards). It also fits my Discord avatar.

I am going to make a matching banner soon but I wouldn't know what to put on there. I'm not big on social media nor identity, so I guess I'll put my boyfriend's cat up there since I love her so much.

♥

When this term is over, my internship will come to an end. They're trying to replace it with another and offered a placement in architecture. I will decline because I'm excited to have my free time again so I can focus on finishing my BA as soon as possible. I also need that spare time to work on my other hobbies, which are the only things that keep me afloat mentally. By pushing into my hobbies and improving my skills, I believe I can become a professional with time and practice. I hate the industry standard and I want to work for myself. The only time I will come out more often and obey is when I am studying a technology subject. Once I finish university, I will switch course and university rather than progressing to MA or MDes. I must learn with my hands and I'm awake in a practical environment. Working with wood, metals and plastics is a better favour than playing with paper.

There is stress build up in my studies because my lectures are redundant to the projects I'm working on. They say that their structure is to inspire for those who are unsure what they want to do, but why must I attend when I know what I'm going to do? All these tasks and trips are a waste for me when I can do it all at home at lightning speed. Another module that has been problematic for me is a use of a new tool but unclear objectives as to what we are submitting for the summative assessment. I am aware that we must detail our idea development and concept progression, but it is still unclear what language, content and formatting they expect. I am willing to fail this module if I can get a first in the rest - that way, the average will still be enough to put me through Year 3 on the BA course.

I have contemplated for a while about taking a gap year where I can work but I fear that I will not get the job that I enjoy in the mean time. Of course, self-employment is always viable but as someone who doesn't promote nor socialize, I struggle getting myself out in the public setting. At times, I believe I should finish this course ASAP but a gap year would do well for me mentally, even if I'm not earning money. They rush me into creating a portfolio and applying but I wonder if I can transfer universities instead and continue there. I despise rushing. I will never create a project that is made by me - only a project that I will hide and burn. No matter how many questions I've asked to relay, I have never received answers at my university. I understand that one must apply to a BA course 18 months prior, so why can't I apply next year? Are the seats reserved for current students? There is only one class in my course, so I doubt those spaces would be full. 

There are times when I regret putting myself out there. Those times are plenty and I get discouraged easily. Oftentimes I regret opening my mouth, but at least I've said what I've said.

♥ EDIT

I would like to open a freelancing business in digital illustration for £20 a piece (including animation), however, there is only a certain amount of reviews and feedback I can handle before I call it quits. For a price that low, I expect the expectations to be low. If I were to charge £170, that is when I would be tailoring to every specific needs. I guess, one day, someone would pay me to create art and they'd be happy prying it off my hands. I know that's not how it works and after working with a company and dealing with client reviews... It's not my thing. You'd have to pay me extra for telling me new information that wasn't stated in the first place.