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How should I tell him?

By o-kemono
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Dear L,

Hello L. My name is Amanda and I have a small problem on my tail. You see, I have this friend who I have been with for a while now. We were close...well, more than close. We used to go out together and share the same bed together as well. But even that is not the "best part". He has a girlfriend. So basically, he is seeing me while being with her. His girlfriend and I know about each other, but his girlfriend is forgiving and trusts his judgment. ( His girlfriend is very nice and he is very VERY lucky to have someone like her…I feel envious that he has her… )We never went to "third base", but our feelings for each other are very tender...Now, after hearing that they are going to get married next year, my feelings for him have changed and now, whenever I see him, I feel hurt whenever I gaze eyes on him.

We are both honest, but I feel that he is not as honest as me. We cant stop seeing each other because we treat each other in a certain way that makes our connection fragile and sweet, "something that his girlfriend does not really give him", so he says to me. I myself recently had a break up with my ex boyfriend, and he was there to support me when I was down. That made me feel closer to him and I held onto him for that, even if he was already taken. We had dinner together, went out together, even spent nights alone with each other in "romantic" situations. But the more we did that, the more I felt it was wrong due to his girlfriend. Like I said before, she knows about me and him together and she trusts him not to go all the way with me ( which he never did ). But now, they are engage to be married and he still wants to have me as a friend. I felt more uncomfortable around him and his girlfriend because of the stronger bond they have towards each other and I just feel like I should push myself away from him and their situation together...

It came to a point where we would fight more and more on the phone and in person. We are both very fragile furs with tender emotions and we know that we can hurt each other easily. In some ways, we are both stubborn, but I feel he is more stubborn than me. The more we fight, the less he hears my side of the story and how I feel. It came to a point where we just stopped seeing each other all together, even reframed from calling one another. I just needed a break from him, but he didn't want me to do that...

After a few months, we saw each other once again and hung out. I invited his girlfriend and him to my house for dinner and a movie. I felt very uncomfortable about that because I felt worse having them BOTH together in my room, but still, I made them dinner and we watched a movie even if I was uneasy around them. The thing that really lifted my ears is that when they were about to leave, he secretly clung to my hand and cressed it before leaving. From that, I knew he still had tender feelings for me, feelings which I don’t want coming from him...

After THAT, we stopped talking until I saw him at work. I told him that my break was soon and we should have some lunch together. I wanted to tell him that I did not want to be his friend anymore, that I don’t want to get involved in his life anymore. I want to tell him how hurt, jealous and sad I was because of what he has and how he has been treating me and how I was treating him. But he is stubborn sometimes and doesn't listen to me. That will make it difficult to get my feelings across to him.

L, here is my question: How can I get my message across to him and get him to understand how I think and feel towards him and our friendship? How can I tell him that I don’t want to be his friend anymore, even though it will hurt me to say that to someone I grew close to but yet feel uneasy around as well? How can I get through to him without him mouthing off at me? This is a very hard situation for me because I hate breaking up with friends...but I cant continue to feel like this when I see or be around him...

Please Dear L, what can I do and HOW can I do it...?

- Amanda
How Should I tell him © 2008 Alex Cockburn
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Comments27
anonymous's avatar
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Squiddykinns's avatar
Great writing and picture but.. situations like this make me mad. I feel like if they truly "care" about me and "love" me the way they said they did, then they would be with me whole heartedly. They obviously don't want you THAT bad if they're still hanging on to someone else no matter "how hard" it would be to let go, that's a bullcrap excuse to me.
It's like degrading yourself to second best and being okay with that! They're not leaving they're other! You're just a basically a feel in the cracks person! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CRAP PEOPLE! It's messed up either way you look at it.
And that girl is stupid for letting him be with her and still being okay with it. Psshhtt. they have a song for people like him. It's called Irreplaceable By Beyonce!
TO THE LEFT LOW LIFE!
^^' Heh..
sorry.. situations like this make me ticked off. Nothing against you, your writing skills or drawing though.
Jinn-Kimura's avatar
A question before my little rant: Who the hell is L?! Why everybody writes to him/her when in trouble? O_o
Well, after that, i got to say i´m in kind of the first stage of the same situation
O-o Only diference: Damn, i´m the guy ._.
I hope this doesn´t turn out this way :paranoid:
lostdaemonkin's avatar
i'm stuck in a situation with the genders switched...
me and her share something.. well special.. her bf understands but all three of us know me and her cant happen.

*hugs*
in all honesty.. it cant be done without causing some serious harm; unless they feel the same way. you could always just sit him down and tell him that the situation makes you uncomfy.
sorry i cant help more..
zerochoice0's avatar
Aww... though i do not have a sugestion I sympathise with you.
Sure hope it works out.
The-Bob's avatar
Should I tell him... he's been wearing that Charlie Brown T-shirt for the past three days?
Angelo-Shachar's avatar
I can relate to the story behind this picture a lot. Nicely done.
Nativechan's avatar
great art to go with it. is this a true story? :/ because i've heard of something like it before. are these all true someway?
Terry-Coldfire's avatar
There's not alot that I can say on this... not having been in such a situation though I've been in one similar, but nothing like that. It's so sad... so very sad and it makes me wonder how I'd feel in such a situation, how someone else feels when they look upon me and my mate. Once again, Oki-san, I need to sort things out for myself. Once again, you've broadened my horizon, and like with every other pic, I love this one too. Take care and be safe.
goodbye-angel's avatar
I don't know what you want me to say.
Fox-Dragon's avatar
Unrequited love sucks; because, I've been in a situation much like the one you describe here... (sighs) All I wanted was for them to be happy together despite the pain I felt in my heart. Yes, I did tell him how I felt...but, all I could do was just sit and watch and wait.
Bladespeedy's avatar
That IS Very Sad!!!!WWWWAAAHHHH
I Know The ANswer But I Cant Tell You... Sometimes You need to find things out by yourself... its her strong relationship with a friend..... she should know how
wolfheartV's avatar
this is as best an answer as i can say

Dear Amanda

i can see how wanting to tell him you dont want to be friends is hard, but keeping it from makes it harder for you, so the best i can offer is sit him down, explain how yofeabout him, and that your afraid its going to come between him and his girlfriend, so you feel its in his best interest and yours that its best if you two go your seperate ways, if he starts to get upset tell him that its not because you dont like him, its just you feel she is the right girl for him, and you fear that youll come between that, when he sees the fear and pain its causing you, hell understand , and respect your wishes.

what do you think o-ke?
Ikuni's avatar
*sighs* kinda have the same problem like amanda and wish have an answer to it as well^^;
aways beeing straight with feelings but still also feeling like running away if the feelings are not unreplyed <.<;
great picture love how you always find a deeper story for eatch^^
Fox-Dragon's avatar
I can sympathize...but, there are 2 choices:-

1. Tell him/her that you want to end your friendship, or...
2. Do what I did; tell him/her how you feel about the situation and just be patient.
Ikuni's avatar
thats what the picc already siad XD
your options are not really new^^;
Ikuni's avatar
thats what the picc already siad XD
your options are not really new^^;
WanderingPariah's avatar
Amazing and moving... Hits close to home.
thunderfox5's avatar
Wow, amazing drawing and nice story :D
Fouchat's avatar
Amazing piece.
storyteller-anon's avatar
I dont know.. my husband took off with my son two nights ago and i do not know where my 2 year old little boy is.
So-Cashi's avatar
Similar thing going on with me right now. Its frustrating to think how the other will react when I bring her over one day seeing how im still good friends with my Ex and see each other whenever we can.
night-wolf-Polaris's avatar
It seems to me that even though they are both good friends, it almost seems like the guy is using his friend, even if it is unintentional. Sometimes doing what you need to do is not the same as what you want to do. Sometimes you have to seperate yourself from the ones you love in order to help yourself, even if it does hurt.
For thsi situation.... would it even be worth telling him? I mean, would it be better to have a huge blow out, and have bitter feelings towards eachother for the rest of your life, or just let the friendship fade? Either way it will hurt, but the person trying to let go is hurting anyway.
If he really did care about her, why doesn't he actually listen to her, and take into account of how he makes her feel; he doesn't seem like that good of friend, no matter how caring he seems.
Fox-Dragon's avatar
Maybe he doesn't see it yet...
anonymous's avatar
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