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Cold Thoughts

By o-kemono
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" What is the point? Is there any point at all? The more I think about it, the more depressed I get. I can't stop thinking about it. It is like a scratch I cant get to, a pain in my tooth I can’t get rid of. The more I think about it, the colder I get and the crappier the weather becomes around me.

" There is no answer to my problems. There is no one I can turn to. There is only cold air and darkness that swims around my soul. Everywhere i turn, I always feel sadness around every corner. I don’t want to feel this way every day. I don’t want to feel coldness upon my shoulders every waking hour. Sadness, depression, freezing chills, hopeless thoughts...I just want to end it all. I want to kill myself.

" Ending everything by stopping my heart. Stop the heart and the pain will stop. That is want I have been thinking about for so long now. I see sharp objects lying around my room and the temptation of raking my arms and wrists comes to mind. I see medication pills and beer in my kitchen and overdosing myself replays in my head. Sometimes, I feel Death himself is watching over me, waiting for me to end it all so I could pick up my soul. Sometimes, I just don’t care anymore and think ' Take me, Death. I don’t care anymore... ' I will feel no pain, no more sorrow, no more depression once I leave my body. My body is like a cold spiked metal cage for my soul, and everyday it gets colder and smaller, each spike piercing through my soul without control.

" If I kill myself, would people miss me? If I end my life, would people care? If I decide to end it all, would it make a difference at all? If I kill myself, would I myself regret doing it? ' It is a mortal sin to take your life. Take your life and you will burn in Hell. ' Is there a Heaven and Hell? Would I just be a wondering spirit? Would I change into something else? Would I reply my life over and over again like rewinding a tape? Would I just become nothingness and continue to feel cold and alone? ... Would I still suffer pain and depression even if I kill my physical being? Is this a test that ' God ' has set for me? Did ' God ' make me the way I am, creating me to suffer for his own amusement? Or, am I just a misplaced being that He doesn't even care about?

" Depression. Anger. Sadness. Loneliness. Cold. Dark. Alone. I don’t want to feel or face those anymore. This world is sick, plagued with vermin and disease, a large cage for us to live in, feeling the useable attacks of it everyday and night for years. It is like Hell with invisible devils with pitchforks, poking at us as they laugh and dance around our broken bodies.

. . .

" Maybe I am just overreacting. The weather has gotten me down once again and all i feel is cold and loneliness. Sometimes candy perks up my mood for a while. TV sometimes entertains me and destroys my brain. I am too weak to kill myself. I don’t have the strength or the guts to do it. All bark, no bite. Maybe Mother Nature will end it for me. It’s that or old age. All I can do right now is just to do laundry and maybe get some icecreame.... Cookie dough sounds nice... maybe with some hot chocolate syrup on top... That sounds good. "

- Amanda

Cold Thoughts © 2008 Alex Cockburn
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© 2008 - 2021 o-kemono
Comments23
anonymous's avatar
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TheSupremeOverlord's avatar
In Dante's Divine Comedy, the ones guilty of suicide are turned to trees that produce poisonous fruits which are eaten by harpies...creepy. O_O
RCWikkydArtist's avatar
I liked the ending :)
OokamiInu's avatar
Very dark and bloody much of a painful experience to go through them days...
jcarrasquillo30's avatar
I also felt like this... but I always end up like the second part of the artist coment, a little gloomier. Last week, the only thing that passed through my mind was depression, lonelyness, coldness overcame me, and werther I could survive in society. There are many things that leaded me to think on suicide; but on the end I thought of the light that there is after every storm; that sunrise that sparkles shinier than ever! But it is only there after the storm.

A spectacular work of display! Marvelous indeed!

I thought I saw two anthros on the back panel, is that a mirror or a canvass?
Katiria-the-Cat's avatar
Even in the worst situations, there's always a spark of light ;)
Barfslug's avatar
In a world of growing darkness be a bright candle to illuminate the way, if not for yourself then for those around you. Try caring a bag of happiness with you, (a small bag of things that bring you happiness are can stir up a deep belly laugh. I carry around a few Garfield clippings and some Calvin and Hobbs. But that’s just me.

Very emotional peace, love the shading, have new found respect for people who have the time and the patience to sit down and do cross hatching for that long.
Igotnutinbtr2do's avatar
I must say her expression and the attention to details just make an amazing atmosphere.
BanditRingtail3's avatar
Been there. Finally working my way out.

And if anybody who reads this comment is thinkin' of suicide... well, just stop all contact with the outside world for a few days. No phone, no internet, no nothing. It'll let you know who cares about you, who'd miss you, and unlike suicide, it ain't permanent.

Happy thoughts can't solve everything, but they can at least get you started in the right direction...
STEVOJUMP's avatar
iv sure been there mate
bluepeach's avatar
I feel that sometimes...
DanteAlphonseGoods's avatar
Your work is as amazing as always. The part that got to me the most was seeing Death in there, so I have to ask, does she ever give up?
Sieuken's avatar
You aren't weak by don't kill yourself, if you do it, is like take the easy way, and that is not good. Always one try to go up, find a reason for live, fight for triumph. Early or late, always a person find the reason for keep living.

Now, about the art, well, always I see some kind of sadness themes. I don't know if there related by your life or others life, but that themes always are true for much people. I like your style and how you print that feelings in draw and text. Keep smiling.
storyteller-anon's avatar
You know, I use to be that way when I was with my soon to be ex husband... now I have the devorce started and I cant wait to spread my mangled gossimur wings again. Puppy always knows how to tug on just the right spot and now that my life is a bit better for not I have ran out of inspiration. Puppy, I missed your work while I was away. just for pieces like these.
Eclipsed-Soul91's avatar
I've noticed your art has been becoming more melancholy, is there something wrong? Mew..I know we aren't really friend's but this is peaking my interest.
jcgreen113's avatar
You are not alone, I think we all feel like this from time to time.
victorymon's avatar
...its unbelievable. you say exactly what I was thinking in the last week... or maybe I dont think about killing myself. but the rest...

jesus, being alone is pretty hard. to have no one you can talk to is also very hard.

Ive got no way out, maybe I stay here forever. A boring job, no girlfriend, no friend who invite me to a party...

going to work and coming back from work... the same routine every day...

life is sad. But your pictures are great. How you describe the feelings in them and your storys...

great work, yeah. you are a great artist
jcarrasquillo30's avatar
I have to say I felt like you too victorymon! All I thought about was the lonelyness I felt; the way that, having people around me, nobody appreciated what I did for them. The way they forgot who I was, am or even might be... They simply forgot me while being around me.

Don't worry, there's people like us that defend each other; the lonely people, described in the Beatle's song titled "Eleanor Rigby". Don't feel lonely anymore victorymon, there's many like us!
Omnywrench's avatar
If you're gonna kill yourself, overdose is not the best way to go. Half the time you just fall unconscious and puke the pills back up in your sleep. Then you wake up surrounded by the police, covered in vomit and looking like a real idiot.
jamesgunner123's avatar
....very, very dark scene here....full of thought and emotion as usual....great work...
ValyceNegative's avatar
I just love the shading here especially on the clothes, and ironically I see in the BG a picture with some furs smiling.
But the most amazing thing here is the rain on the glass. How did you drew that?
shinaraz's avatar
Been there before.
TomGSilver's avatar
i love this one.
Pertinacious's avatar
Do I ever know the feeling.
anonymous's avatar
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