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The roses are wilting
far faster than I,
while harvest skies
chase down these
pinwheel lungs.

I still wake deep
in stratosphere
every time
that loves craft nooses,
and  hanging evolves
into weekly professions,
done on the side,

to forget nicotine slumbers
and drug induced dreams -
deluded insomnia
in shivering bones;
breathe. just breathe.
just breathe.

nosedivve Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2016   Writer
hey pinwheel lungs! that sounds familiar! i think you wrote a piece similar to this back in 2013. anyway, i like it :)
highonwords Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2015
i love the first stanza of this poem - it is a breath of fresh air - but then the second stanza - this is only me - is not quite clear - the last stanza seems fair - but the first stanza overpowers the rest of the poem - thank you for sharing this :)
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I appreciate that you openly share your thoughts! These prompt pieces are written in about 60 seconds each, just to get my thoughts connecting a bit... but they do not always hold consistency due to the time allotted to them. Especially when the opening line or stanza is the inspiration, so sometimes it is stronger. I will see if I cannot work on that in my other pieces, though, as I'm sure it applies there, too!
I like to write with a side of ambiguity. But the second stanza, in case you were interested in knowing, was more of how lost I feel when love screws me over. Hence, being in an unfamiliar space, having nothing to do with the world I know - but not far enough away to not see the familiar and to not yearn for it - and to perhaps translate how disorienting it is if the love is tainted, or dirty, and against everything youth or childhood built "love" up to be. Knowing this background information probably made it clear only to me, but I have not been able to write really well, lately, so I may have to wait until my spark is back until I edit things, if I can think of a better way to state things.

I do appreciate this comment, though. So much. I have been inactive lately, so I seem ungrateful, but hearing other people's perspectives is one of my favorite things! I hope you had a good holiday, and that the holiday ahead shows you as good a time, if not ten million times better! :giggle:
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Submitted on
November 16, 2015


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