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Barbed wire smile?

Welcome mat
with a too-small font?
Double check.

Literally, double: install one
on the outside and one on the inside,
and hope to god it placates the trench
to the left of your lungs.
But don’t hope for anyone to actually
be able to read it.

Actually, if someone does
read it: panic. Honest-to-god: panic –
freeze in place like waterfalls
before you crash
                                      Then push, push everything away.

                                      Carry it so far
                                      it will not be able
                                      to trace you back.

                                      Submerge them so deep
                                      they will not be able
                                      to remember your name.
                                      If they defiantly remember
                                      your smile, beat them into the rocks
                                      a couple times, so the slightest flash of teeth
                                      will leave their stomach churning.

When you deposit them on the shore –
when the coast guard hauls
their shaking, shivering form
from the heart of your natural disaster –
let them go.

Do not wave. Do not cry.
Tell yourself it is for the better.
Tell yourself.
Chant it. Pillow it in your head,
and fall back on it every damn time you forget.
For waves are beautiful things to ride to shore,
but never to be swallowed by.

listen here:… (warning: I stumbled over saying the first line when I made this, and it's enough to drive anyone nuts.)

This is an old one, but I realized I never added it to my gallery. Do you think it'd be better as prose? I wrote it to be spoken, so the formatting is kind of killing me. I don't know how to format it, regardless of prose or poetry. There's a punch certain lines can pack in poetry, but a flow it can only have in prose.... I'll think on it.
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emilywrites Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2017  Professional Writer
I love the structure, and the violent imagery with the water. The lines that take my breath away is "their shaking,shivering form/from the heart of your natural disaster-". You are a brilliant writer. The last two stanzas are tragic and get your message across. SOrry I didn't see this poem sooner! 
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2017
I love it! And I am especially in love with the way you visually shifted the text, as though you had to push even the words away to deal with the problem from afar. And, as usual, your closing lines had me spellbound. You always know how to close things. 
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
I'm relieved you thought the formatting was okay in this piece; I was worried over it. I definitely like that outlook on it, too. I was trying to aim for something like that... mostly because it was supposed to portray a struggle and separation from the act of pushing what you desire most away. It's definitely not great or anything, and I need to probably work on it some more, but your admission really eased my mind. Thank you! :heart:
(Also thank you for that last line. That made me spirits soar to see: I've always felt like I struggle most with endings. Seeing how someone else views my pieces... well, I warmly appreciate it!)
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2017
My dear; you are a gem, and so are your pieces, since they're are a part of you--I love reading them, am super glad that I have new material to read, and am so glad that my very uneducated commentaries are of use to you! ;) :D 
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
I'm really glad they can offer you some enjoyment. :hug: I hope I can continue to grow and improve!
(Though I'd say you are too harsh on yourself, dear: you're just fine! Poetry is, in its essence, ambiguous. That's part of the appeal it holds for me. So all commentary is welcome - and encouraged! You're lovely :heart:)
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Submitted on
August 15, 2017


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