CrescendoCellos sing an agony of the heart;
an astringent song of parting,
tearing at tears burrowed deep within the iris.
Emptiness fills the void of your absence,
accompanied by an intolerable yearning
which asphyxiates me, submerges me
within tears I leave unshed.
Please mollify me, liberate me,
of your reminiscence, of this attentive desertion;
my trembling whispers cannot stray from your name.
I cannot dream of alien touches, or others' devoted affections:
the salvation provided for the heart I keep in darkness.
and I find I cannot blind it to the joys of light once entirely experienced,
and so candidly felt.
I blame you for this susceptible heart,
broken into trepidation as it stutters in bloody veins,
dreading the things which stir and move it to emotion.
On concrete steps I make my grave,
Mimicking the moon in silence and posture.
I lay within a cradle of my own arms, yearning for that
of a different embrace,
one that brings not cold aches of bitte
MonophobiaYour hand found my heart with ease,
just as your words always found cracks in weakened armor,
and with the same fluidity that constantly drew my gaze,
filling me with childish need atop the comfort of company,
even if lonely:
we were never ones to stand individually.
Then you play my heart strings,
with the skill of devoted pianists and the poise
of Egyptian princes,
garbed in such confidence I have no choice but to move my lips
to words hummed beneath your steady breath;
the words my heart stammers over,
as weak a fool as ever.
Necessities mash like fevered lips,
merging us as one being,
one entity of which to rejoice with proclamations of fragile love.
and when our lips do make war,
I kiss you into my own oblivion,
drawing you deeper inside me to dwell and comfort,
though you decay fleshly walls
and expanding sacks of breath,
a bloody clash of love producing broken wills and such
mangling us further towards impending destruction:
The Juncture of Skin and BoneRipples of rib, moving smoothly over hills of bone,
an expansion of skin dipped and concave. such
irregular habits give way to soft sinking
skin, mountainous ridges piercing through malnourished flesh like
enamel slowly leaking out bone; traitorous and seemingly backwards.
Always shrinkinghunching inwards due in part to
will and the structured stretch of spine.
and what simple thought ever plagued the soul, until
ridicule spilled from pore and pore,
enabled and assiduous.
now plastic measuring tapes
entrap bare imperfect waists, pulling tighter, tighter, and tighter
still. stripping the skin clear with gut wrenching heaves,
spilling acidic bile over sterile porcelain floors.
and it's never enough.
Liberate the MindStronger than myself,
a varying constant, if possible at all.
I can trust in the cycles of confidence
to the heavy weight of
worthlessness, but can give not pattern or apathy
to the event,
only aching bouts of shame,
for holding the head high,
shoulders back and squared in certainty
brings much exhaustion, which then
allows easily the act of hunching in
to keep from bleeding out.
Perhaps I will adapt like clever chameleons
who excel in hiding and
and perhaps hypocritical smiles will cease
encouragement to fraudulent behavior,
which always bring out simulated bests
but maybe genuine efforts reap no results,
putting honest theorists to
and maybe I ponder the unknown like stargazers ponder
constellations and crowded masses
for the purpose of false security;
I no longer have control.
Hide and SeekUnder the surface,
immersed beneath disjointed segments of sky,
as beautiful a tragedy as my own circumstance;
I hang suspended in space; a child gifted to nature,
breathing in salt and subtle stains of oil,
trapped in blue so vast and
Lungs fill like little pink balloons,
full and ready to throw in friendly fire.
My chest moves with each gentle inhalation of water,
fluttering energetically at the speed of emerald hummingbirds that
past coral reefs and secluded starfish,
deeper into depths of serenity and quiet:
my perfect hiding place.
Burying SeptemberIf you were a person, then I'm
something you've forgotten; something inadvertently lost,
discarded on damp, cobblestone walkways where tattered
beggars are just lingering sympathies.
I think I now can relate to unintended loners,
the ones more enforced than observed
Lost within themselves, as I remain lost in darkness;
They without company, and I without you.
If those like you are people too,
then they are all virtual, resembling you with acute precision;
your glow, your warmth, your light,
all which bring about feelings of belonging, and correctness
Yet I find myself abutted to clinking cans lacking of change,
huddled within people-filled corners
beneath tender aches of darkness.
Forever searchingstudying, passerby upon passerby,
eyes half blind to hopeful light;
they've adjusted to comfort of night,
and shady withdrawal.
Maybe we're no longer yours to claim.
Maybe you've given us up,
like ash to the wind.
DisillusionmentI'm through and done,
more so than past times when I've uttered the same.
I convinced myself to trust myself,
and my diffident heart betrayed me
by believing in something unstableerratic,
like wildfire in cluttered lumber yards.
There are no second chances,
allowing repeat-offenders or further blunders;
One mistake's sufficient and I learn swiftly.
Because of this I'm done and through,
Unwilling to sacrifice to feel,
Firm in my stance against excessive destruction.
(I revel at the extremity of this bitter irony,
scars testifying in a bitter delight.)
You can have everything I am;
I'm of no further use to me.
If you, too, discover futility,
perhaps death will make of me better company.
A Little IncentiveVicious, bitter;
emotions so tangledknotted, that spider webs appear
meager and feeble.
I've become ensnared, so oblivious to hazardous portions of web,
completely of my own inadvertent making.
My only escape is within the mind,
creating pathways of distraction,
leading myself in circles to offer breath and
Luckily there's darkness
which hides to conceal,
and where I can pretend even my thoughts are blind,
my emotions confused and void;
As lost in night as I become.