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I have an obsession with bridges—

San Francisco where I first held love, skyline-spine bending with my hands, muscles saying “I can hold you. And Him—and whatever else is under your breasts and skin,” and we sat with the waves and talked of how we were little ants and drowning in Chardonnay and time.

Then, there are the ones I’d make for you, in the mailbox on gloss-paper, my hair spilling over the floor in midmorning worship. You’d breathe me from the air, the contented sigh enough to unravel me in diaphragms. Then you’d lick me back to postage, and kiss away my youth.

“Add a cut for me, babe; next time you’ll listen—” the ball I made of pain, and the curl of dimples made from shame… and I almost can’t admit how I’d yearn for you erode me to my knees, again. (To this day, I still can’t bend the same, but a bridge is a bridge is a bridge, and I’m not looking for your feet)

and I wouldn't call you holy.
So, I had this desire to write about something I'd never shared with anyone. And I'm feeling the fear in trying something new, or perhaps showing a mistake.
Though this is my original style, I'm looking to try an experimental piece soon. Just have to get the right mood and idea! (:
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lilfixit Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
This piece evokes some things that happened to me in my past. I'm not sure if we went through similar situations or not. Now that I'm years removed from the relationship it doesn't affect me emotionally anymore, but there was a good year where I wondered if I was wrong for leaving even though I knew how much it hurt to stay. Sometimes I tell myself that I was lucky it was just emotional abuse and manipulation. At least I was never hit, etc. But then seeing those words typed makes me angry. No one should put up with any abuse. No one should be made to feel like they're just a sex object for their boyfriend, or that that's the only love a guy (or girl) will show to you. I don't know. Maybe I misunderstood a lot when I was younger. But I know that it sucks when other people belittle your hurt, especially the person who causes it. *shrug*
Anyway thank you for sharing.
MozartsNemesis Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014
This. Just.. yes. The whole thing is brilliant. You've written something so powerful and yet so vague.. that the reader could draw virtually any conclusion, and feel the spectrum of emotions from it's translation. To me, the poem speaks of bitter regret and shameful yearning. How we sometimes long for the very things (or people) we know have taken advantage of us. And to that end, it speaks of a love deeper than realization and a strength necessary to survive.  
    I absolutely adore how you used bridges as a medium. Not only that, but how in the first stanza, the reader finds comfort and remembrance of better days in a bridge, and how in the second stanza, that feeling quickly turns to a realization that the bridge is often darker than we remembered. 
  The last stanza.. is haunting. A sick metaphor, so offhandedly delivered.

As always, a few lines in this piece made me smile with how wonderfully they're worded. 

"and we sat with the waves and talked of how we were little ants and drowning in Chardonnay and time."
(To this day, I still can’t bend the same, but a bridge is a bridge is a bridge, and I’m not looking for your feet)"

Wonderfully done. Now, I may be way off base in my reading of it from what you intended, and if so, well that's the point of poetry isn't it? To write in a way that anyone can pull any meaning from the words you used to tell a story about you. And you've done that to perfection here. 
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I left this sitting for so long, because I was unsure how to form words for the emotions my heart was feeling.

"To me, the poem speaks of bitter regret and shameful yearning. How we sometimes long for the very things (or people) we know have taken advantage of us. And to that end, it speaks of a love deeper than realization and a strength necessary to survive."
You completely unraveled me with a glance, and reading your words makes me feel so vulnerable to be exposed, but there's an overwhelming sense of right: even I could not give description to my feelings, and here... you've done it perfectly. Thank you. Just... thank you. It was a pain in my chest that I could never describe it fully, and now I feel almost set free. Because one of my more stupid mistakes is resting in this piece... It means a lot for someone to even comment about it, because I've been so ashamed I wasn't even able to speak about it. Because it was done voluntarily.

Thank you so much. For your praise, your willingness to share your thoughts, and your support. Your comments always make me smile, and there's always a stone of shame in my stomach for the fact some of you never understand how much you help. Especially in moments such as this, with memories I hadn't really addressed to anyone before. I thank you. And I really appreciate you--I hope you know that!
Best wishes, as always. I hope you are well! :rose:
LadyBitterblue Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
insert meaningful praise here

I would love to say something about this, as I think the word choice and images here are beautiful... But I just don't get. I don't have a single clue what this piece is supposed to mean, so I'd better not talk about it. But I can guess that it's something about life and experiences, stuff I don't know anything of, and I admire you for it. You're wonderful.
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Your words are more than enough, lovely. :tighthug::heart:
Thank you so, so much. My words cannot express how grateful I am.
(you always are quick to shower me with praise, and I can't help but eat it up and want to hug you to death.)
thank you.
LadyBitterblue Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's my pleasure. :heart:
I'm so glad you can still take something good from my weird blabbering.
(I am ready to face the death hugs *opens arms*)
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014
That's really intense, and I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there again with this piece.
Though I can't say I relate entirely to this, I can sort of relate to the basic feelings, and I've got to say they're well expressed. The way you focus on bridges as your mode to spin the piece together is lovely. It's both subtle and blunt, if that makes any sense at all. It's a good base, both causing the reader to take a sidelong glance at the real subject and giving them a perfectly solid view of the thing-- it doesn't subtract or distract, which is wonderful. It adds and builds it up. I hope that makes sense. I wasn't sure how to phrase that idea exactly...
I kind of feel like the third paragraph--the longest, and the second complete paragraph--should be split in two. The transition is a little fuzzy, so a physical, textual separation would help with that I think. I'm also lost on the "in the mailbox on gloss-paper" line, but that's probably just me not quite getting the analogy. It'll probably make sense once I get it, so that's nothing to worry about. 

The last line is a little haunting, and I love it. However, with the current arrangement it almost feels like an afterthought. Not quite, but almost. If you could find a way to more solidly cement that ending, it would be fantastic (even more than it is now). 

Excellently done, of course, Kelsi dear! Keep it up! I love your work, and I love seeing how much you are progressing, both by topic and by skill level (though the latter is much less detectable, as you were pretty high up there to begin with). Have a lovely day! :hug:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Edited Oct 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You always extend so much praise and wonderful words to my pieces, and I'm not sure if they're entirely deserving. Especially when, in the retrospect of only a few minutes, I realize I wrote this in under a minute just because of the plaguing itch to speak. However, I'm relieved if it could be found enjoyable (: (:

I tried to paragraph it, but being brain-deep in pharmacy tech vocabulary and AP gov test material, I'm not sure if I understood correctly. Let me know if I totally botched it!

The "in mailboxes on gloss-paper" is actually a critical line, though I think I wrote vague as I normally do. Let's just say I was wondering if this should have a filter, but then realized most was just memory. I associated with some people I shouldn't, and I let myself be used by people, though it wasn't necessarily in person. and for some reason I was remembering and needing to get it out. and there's still a shame (but yearning in remembrance).

You are too amazing. Everything you say is so nice!! I don't know if I'm really that good, for I know I still have a long ways to go... but I know I'm making progress, and that has to be enough, I suppose. but I hope I start moving forwards more soon! Thanks so much, again! I always love hearing from you :heart::hug:
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014
Are you going to go to college to be a pharmacist? I'm not sure why exactly that stuck out to me, but I can't help but ask. 
I definitely know that feeling-- some sort of inspirations strikes, some strange need to write something. I also know what it's like to be completely buried in school work. Good luck with that. I somehow managed to complete my own work not long ago. I should technically be going to sleep right now... but then I never was very good at managing my time or doing the wise thing in these instances. 

I see. I suppose that makes sense.
I'm so sorry. Can't help 
I'm sorry to hear about your pain, that is, but thrilled that you are so willing to confide in me. I've been so happy to get to know you. If you ever want to talk to me about anything, don't hesitate. I'm happy to give advice (people say I'm good at that for some reason, so I suppose it's probably true), or to simply listen. I do hope that things are working out more in your favor now, that you have found a new crowd. Sometimes all you really need is a gentle switch, and suddenly your whole life will start changing for the better.
Desire is a touchy monster. I've danced with it often, and it is a beast to be reckoned with. The yearning is so hard to control, and I still sometimes give in to dumb things because of it. However, I hope that you can be a little smarter than I am and not go chasing those colorful lights. 

I'm afraid we just finished reading A Streetcar Named Desire in English, and if you're familiar with it I'm probably letting that flow into my response more than I meant to... I'm not sure if I'm amused or horrified by that thought. It was a good play, but an... interesting one, if you know what I mean.  

Don't doubt your ability. Obviously you still have so far to go, so much to improve upon... but I'm probably not the right person to lead you through that necessarily because at this point I'm pretty sure you're at a slightly higher plane than I. That's not a hit on my own ability, that is a credit to yours, so please don't become so defensive for my own talents. I mean it-- you're wonderful. :love: 
I think that making any level of progress is an excellent goal to have. Keep in mind that I have faith in you; if you can have the same faith in yourself, you'll go far. You've had a lot to live through, from the sound of it, and you have so far to go. I can only hope that I, among others, can be of assistance.
 Good luck on your test! 
Have a beautiful night full of wild and wonderful dreams. :heart: Sweet Dreams 
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:giggle: Oh goodness... the dreaded subject of college majors. I haven't decided what I want to be yet! I have five options, and pharmacy is one of them... I just can't decide yet. So I decided to take a Pharmacy Technician class in my last year of high school to hopefully find out if I can narrow anything down... either by bumping it up or knocking it out. :shrug: time will tell! How about you? Any solid ideas for a career?

Haha, oh goodness, you sound like me! I always go to bed at dreadful hours, study last minute... all that jazz. I'll probably head there, though, after this message. But know you're in similar company! I always tend to not listen to the wiser side of me. I mean, who needs sleep? C;

Your words are wonderful, but please don't be sorry! They were my mistakes and it was my own stupidity. I have learned! That's a least one good thing about mistakes: you learn from them, or keep repeating them until you finally learn.
As for your invitation: thank you so much, love :tighthug:. That means the world to me, and I shall try to keep you in mind if the going gets more rocky than usual! I extend the same invitation to you! I'm not always great with advice, but I'm good with listening! (: :hug: and I'd love to help in any way I can.

Ha gosh. Tell me about it! I need to learn how to control myself better. and it's not always for desire itself. To be honest, I'm scare of that, because I have negative connotations of it due to experience. Sometimes it's just the act of doing something wrong, forbidden, and knowing it's something that might break you later. I'm working on that--and myself--though! Hopefully I'll get better (:

I actually have not had the pleasure of reading that! Tell me, is it worth the read? If so, I'll definitely keep my eyes open for it at the library or book store next time I visit!

You are such a blessing, love! Thank you so, so much! I'll try to have more faith, or at least less doubt! I really appreciate your support, and you are just so amazing in being there to give me such lovely words. You make me smile! Thank you, again. I do so appreciate you, and I hope you know that! Feel free to message or note me with whatever, lovely. Anything for a friend :hug::heart:

You, as well! I hope they are pleasant! Sweet dreams~
lunar-glow Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014
I was set on being an engineer for since middle school, eventually narrowing that down to aerospace engineering. Unfortunately I'm basically a Jack of all trades, master of none sort of girl; I have so many interests and not enough time to pursue them all. For a while I thought I could just be an author/actress/amateur pilot on the side, but this year I've been having a sort of mid-high school crisis. I'm just not sure I want to be an engineer anymore. I'm pretty good at it, but it's not quite as fun as acting, singing, writing, etc. So now I'm sort of trying to piece together my plans and accepting that I'm not going to have it all figured out for a while. I'll probably take a bunch of engineering classes, but I won't likely go to an engineering school like I had planned, and I think I'll look into having a dual major. For now I suppose I'd love to be an actress with engineering as a backup plan, because it is one heck of a backup plan.
I'm a junior, so I still have a bit of time to straighten that out, I suppose. I took the ACT last year and will take it again this year, but I already have the necessary scores to get into most colleges. So now I just have to figure out what on earth I want! Pacing - 13 NaNoEmo #13

I think the best people are those who can successfully procrastinate. We are cool because we can pull together in hours (and terribly delirious hours at that) what others take forever to accomplish, or simply refuse to do. I suppose that's may way of trying to make my awful habits acceptable so I don't feel the need to change them... I suppose it works out alright, though. Good grades, and somehow I'm still alive to tell the tale. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... so somehow not sleeping is building me up--conditioning me--right? Right...

I'm so convincing when I try to persuade myself to do what I shouldn't. Since a part of me wants to give in it's not hard to talk myself into things. I've had to work on that a lot, and I'm glad I've done so because I'd probably be a much more broken girl if I didn't try develop that skill.
I get so caught up in the moment... and then kick myself again and again later because I know better. It's a struggle, but I wish you luck with it. I'm working on it, too.

It's a pretty interesting play. It's by Tennessee Williams. I wasn't sure if you'd be familiar with it, but was hoping that you may have learned about it in school. Of course, curriculum isn't all that standardized... It's actually pretty good. There are a few bits that irritate me, but overall it was pretty powerful. Not the happiest story, but it makes some very good points, and was interesting enough. It's very very full of symbols, which is something I've always been intrigued by, as well. I mean, there are the symbols that our English teachers seem to be making up (I've even read comments from authors about how they never meant to write in the symbols and themes that we spend so much time analyzing--they are writing a story for the sake of the story. I think teachers always try to read to far into the works and in so doing sometimes miss the basic points), and then there are the very deliberate symbols that stick with you somehow, as with this story.

Thank you for your friendship, your love, your gratitude, and your words. They brighten my day, too. I also love your use of emoticons. I'm not so talented with them myself and don't use them often. But that aside, thank you for being there available for me. If I ever need someone to lift my spirits or to talk to I'll be sure to message you. You're the kind of person I'd want to talk to. You're... intelligent, sweet, and honest. Oh, and humble. Thanks for sharing yourself with me! I'm glad that you consider me a friend because I'm sometimes foolishly unsure of myself in that aspect... I need to work on my own personal belief in many ways. But I'm usually pretty good about that.

Have a lovely day/night/I don't know, maybe some strange mixture of both? Perhaps if you live in Alaska...
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Submitted on
October 29, 2014


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