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"Why," you ask? Because we want profile pages to have freedom of customization, but also to have some consistency. This way, when anyone visits a deviant, they know they can always find the art in the top left, and personal info in the top right.
Don't forget, restraints can bring out the creativity in you!
Now go forth and astound us all with your devious profiles!
I’m a lo cation. Come sit with me, darlin', and please take off your coat. Tell me adventures of the sun and the moon and whatever else comes in pairs or attractions. Remember to give me those five stars before you go.
a lo tus, a lo cust persistent in the mud of a dried up ocean.
I’m a lo ading dock.
I’m a lo wering sun, and you don’t have to worry about me: consistency is my horizon, predictability my city. And remember those stories? I'm a pair with the moon and the stars and the absence of sound, and until I rise in the ash of proximity, I’ll always be.
I walk over dried worms, the day after rain, and wonder if their lives (defined by these last moments) were courageous or moronic. I wonder if I am the splinter or the lion—and who would be the splinter? Doesn't someone have to be?
I crawl on my hands and knees to find the river. Trees grow from its overflow. There has been too much rain this week. There has been too much rain this week. Where are the silver linings—the tree in front of me grows proudly as the water laps around its thighs. Ah, I muse, I think I understand the splinter.
Two trains come by. Two trains thunder through this railroad town, and they whisk the chocolate dirt. The earthquakes scare the geese. They blow by like dried leaves, and there, there is the sound of the river. Here [in the stillness] is the display of hope.
I cry in front of the river, longing to sing alongside chickadees—I do not know enough happy songs. I cough with the crows, instead: I do not know enough happy songs.
But I know train songs, leaving songs, lonely songs, wounds-bleeding-out songs, and maybe they will water the dirt and grow a happy tree. Maybe it will grow somewhere there isn’t supposed to be a tree, or a river will migrate somewhere there isn’t supposed to be a river—perhaps we are everything we are not—and someone will pass by it, take a breath, and feel like they can hold it for another year.
When I crawl to find the sun, I grab a broken bush end. My hands are cracked, hibernating with the dead grass, the dried leaves. I wonder if it is perhaps stillness before the flight—the growth. Oh, I smile, I think I understand the splinter.
I had an entire thing typed out before, but it didn't seem appropriate. For the context of the below section, I will say that I was reached out to by two very, very close friends, who were brave enough to confide in me that they were suicidal on a particular day. It was distressing. I needed to say that sentence (1) for myself and (2) because I realize so many people who reach out worry about "burdening" people or making them worry. If you have ever felt similarly, I can assure you, your loved ones' distress (or whoever you trust enough to come forward to) is just proof of their immense care and love for you, and they want what is best for you. It can be so easy to forget how many people love and care about you. If any of you ever need someone to listen, my notes are always open! I may not always express myself properly, but I've had very dark periods in my life. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts in the past, so I understand how dark and overwhelming it can be. Again: It's really easy to forget how many people love and care about you - the good impact you have in many lives. I know that sometimes hotlines don't seem the best options, either, but (if you don't feel comfortable reaching out to someone you know personally) I and people close to me have had great success with them and their very caring staff members. The National Suicide hotline is free and open 24/7, for those who live in the states. It's available for not only suicidal crises, but also emotional distress: 1-800-273-8255 Other countries have their toll-free hotlines, as well!
Many places also have local hotlines, if you're looking for someone who perhaps understands your area or circumstance a bit better (should there be environmental or societal pressures of some kind) and many also have free options for counseling if you're financially strapped. These can sometimes even be attained through universities, should you be attending, or at a reduced cost should you not be attending. Counseling can also be achieved through Skype (voice, chat, and video), texting, or phone calls, should you be after something different. Just wanted to say that you're never alone, no matter how it might feel in the moment. And that you are so worth it.
I know that a lot of people tell you "it gets better," and that sometimes that hope is more a sword than the voids you can fall into. I can only say that for me, the little things got me through: the challenge of another hour. Birdsong. Sunrises. Coffee in the morning. My bare feet in the dew of the grass. Music was a huge help for me, personally. It's damn hard, but you just cling to what little lights you can find, and eventually peepholes become sunrays in the storm. You can only do your best. I still cling to those, and I've been out of the woods for over a year. It's definitely not an experience you just get over, so don't let anyone tell you there's a date for you to be better by, either.
That seems like a sobering note to jump from, but I thought I'd share a favorite song of mine! Every time this song comes on, it makes me smile and want to dance. I'm a kitchen-sock dancer, what can I say? There's an energy about this song, and it's just so catchy! I hope maybe some of you can covet it in a similar way to me. Maybe it can even give you something to smile about? Feel free to tell me some things that have made you happy or proud, recently! Or if you've just had a sucky day, feel free to tell me all about it via notes. I don't care if we've never talked before: I'm always open to falling into new friendships and acquaintanceships! I'd love to hear from you!
21 years growing. Forest-dweller, friend of the moon, shy hermit crab... a pagan, seeking. I howl to coyotes at 1 in the morning and am a self-proclaimed music-swimmer (mostly, I drown). Admittedly, I'm not very interesting, but I am fairly friendly. Feel free to drop me a line. Or a poem. Or your favorite song.
my activity on this site can be compared to guerilla warfare:
I'm currently a junior on the path to pursuing my PhD in clinical psychology. The dream is to one day work with the Department of Veterans Affairs. I'm a research assistant in one of my university's psychology labs, where we are studying sleep. When I'm not on campus memorizing every chip of paint, I'm working at my other "civilian" job (which I like to think makes me sound similar to a superhero).
trees, racing rivers, singing poorly to the moon, Lord Huron, Dead Poets Society, Pride and Prejudice, ambiguity.
nullibicity: n. - the state of being nowhere; non-existence.
My favorite word-weaver (I'm biased and not sorry):
Favorite moviesdead poets society, pride & prejudice, secret windowFavorite bands / musical artistsgenre: indie is good, indie is life. Favorite gamesanimal crossing (animal crossing validates my life)Tools of the Tradeshaking hands and a growing mindOther Interestsphilanthropy, becoming a tree, trees, and trees. Oh, look: trees