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About Literature / Hobbyist KinseyFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Months
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 1 Deviation 0 Comments 114 Pageviews


I need an outlet.

Something to occupy my time...occupy my mind.  I keep bottling up all my feelings and just...I can feel it starting to boil over.  I thought coming out would make me feel better.  I thought getting out of an unhappy relationship would make me happier.  And it has, to a point.  But even though we aren’t together anymore, you still know how to tear me down.

You still know what buttons to push to test my limits.  You know what’s going to make me feel terrible about myself.  You know how to drag me down and make me feel worthless.  I try not to give you this power over me, but it’s hard.
I know I’m not the best person out there. I know I may not be the number one, perfect mom.  But I will be damned if I ever let you call me a bad mother ever again.  You can make fun of me for my sexuality.  You can lash out because I hurt you and ‘wasted six years’ of your life.  But I am not a bad mother.

I love that little girl more than life itself.  I am doing all I can to make sure I can move to be closer to her.  She is the only thing keeping me here on this Earth. I would do anything for that girl.

I’m not a bad mom.

I’m not a bad mom...right?

Everytime I try to write out my feelings, give myself an outlet, it always comes back to you. Back to how you treat me and how you expect me to be.  These ridiculous standards you have built up for me.  All the anger you have that you cannot control me anymore.  I never wanted to hurt you.  I do care about you.  But I could never give you what you needed, romantically.  I wanted to come out sooner, I really did.  But time kept passing us by and we were together longer and longer.  And then we had our daughter.  I didn’t want to break up our family; I knew the chaos that would bring.

The thing is...I wasn’t happy anymore.  I was depressed.  I never wanted to leave my bed.  I didn’t want to do the fun things I loved to do with our child.  I didn’t want to do any of the things I enjoyed anymore.  I was so tired and drained from repressing myself for...well for 23 years.  It was too much to take anymore.

I know you see me coming out as ruining everything.  And I understand I hurt you, I completely understand your frustration and anger.  But, if you could see it from my point of view?

Coming out saved my life.
I need an outlet.
Just a short writing of my feelings I've been bottling up.


No journal entries yet.


nudous's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I'm a 25 year old mother of a gorgeous baby girl. I recently came out. Most of my writing will be about my emotions and feelings, it helps to work it out.

I will also be posting stuff related to the games I am currently making.


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