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     I stared up at the clouds swirling above my head; big white balls of cotton candy. I tried to lose myself in their gentle simplicity but my thoughts still crept inside my head. Their spindly, dark fingers scratching at my skull; begging to be let out. I felt the rough scrape of their tongues against the bone, felt the echo of their whispers in my ears. Their hisses and moans were thunderous.

     “I’m stronger than them, though…” I whispered up to the clouds; a somber smile on my lips. At least today I am….



     “ Worthless…useless…good-for-nothing…ugly…fat…horrid…disgusting…” I try to close off my ears from their words; but how do you….when the voices come from between them?

      “ Why don’t you just die already?” I looked deep into the mirror, at my face. I look wretched, just as they say. Tired, exhausted worn. Dark circle stains beneath my eyes and sunken cheeks; my eyes have lost their color…I think they may have been blue once, but now, they are only gray. My world is gray.
     
     “ Shh, Baby.” One of the voices purred, a beautiful sound among the horrid words. “ I’ll make you feel all better, you just watch.” It takes my hand and together we reach for the razor on the sink’s edge.“ Don’t you feel better now?” It cooed as it caressed my skin with the metal.

     “I’m stronger than you…” I whispered, slumped against the bathroom wall. Just not today…..



     I force the smile onto my lips, push the laugh past the. No one knows the difference; no one knows I am dying inside. Except the voices….they always know…. “ Why do you pretend?”  They taunt, “ You know you’ll never be happy.” I ignore them and I smile, and I smile and I smile. On the inside I weep, and I wail, I give in to their words, but on the outside…I smile, and I smile, and I smile.

     “ I can help.” The beautiful voice tempts, wrapping me in its cold embrace. “ I know how you can be happy; I know how to make the voices stop. Forever.

     Tears in my eyes, running black down my face, “I was never stronger than you….”

     “ We know.” The voice coos, pressing its frigid lips against my skin.

     I give in; melt into its thin, dark, consuming arms. I barely wince when the razor touches my flesh one last time; oh, but I smile, and I smile, and I smile.
resubmitted/made corrections
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:iconsuejo:
SueJO Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015  Professional Writer
This is a sad but a true walk into the mind of the cutter. I was taken in from word one. If you would allow me to, I would like to feature it on a page of my site (you'd be copyrighted) Please think about it, you make her mind into a separate person; it would be very helpful to many of my readers. I would, of course direct people back to DA.
Site Home page-
www.jazzwritesandsingsforyou.c…

Page where I'd like to put it-
www.jazzwritesandsingsforyou.c…
Or here-
www.jazzwritesandsingsforyou.c…
Several DA people are on my site. It was created to support everyone in the arts and human issues.
No, will be accepted graciously. I've rejected many things that didn't add to my goal. I'm asking you. Keep writing, please.
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so honored you want to put my work on your site!

As long as you put that it is by me, then I would love to have my work on your site.

I'm very glad you liked my piece, thank you, it means quite a lot.
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:iconsuejo:
SueJO Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015  Professional Writer
Thank you, it will have a copyright mark, a link to DA, and be handled with special care.
When I listen to your generation , my education gets more thorough.  I will send the link when it's up.
My site will always be free; it's my, " give back," for all I've been given.
After retiring, I started freelance writing.
If you want to know who I am, please check this out.
jazzwritesandsingsforyou.com/w…Happy New Year by KmyGraphic  Snow man by Digithalie  Winter by Digithalie  
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much, and that's very kind of you.
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:iconwhiter-shade-of-pale:
Whiter-Shade-Of-Pale Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Wow!  Amazing interaction between the character and her mind!  The back and forth is a very real struggle , on many levels, not all as final as taking the hand of the Reaper. 

It made me thing of this song.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=yen7UV…
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:iconlaromancewriter:
LaRomanceWriter Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Student Writer
;~; *sobs like a baby* NOTES YOU MAKE ME CRY!!!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ObMMR…


www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVf2Ee…
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sweating a little... sorry hehe
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:iconlaromancewriter:
LaRomanceWriter Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Student Writer
No, no, I'll just go cry more about how emotional all this is. ... 
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sweating a little... 
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:iconlaromancewriter:
LaRomanceWriter Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Student Writer
XD just playing. Nice job.
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:iconsparkleydoggy:
Sparkleydoggy Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This reminded of my friend and the poem ( sparkleydoggy.deviantart.com/a… ) I wrote for her. A beautifully tragic story, thanks for sharing.
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm glad you like it, and that is a wonderful poem
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:iconsparkleydoggy:
Sparkleydoggy Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! Yeah, I do like it a lot. ;D
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:iconbrakonu:
Brakonu Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You'd already written this once before right... I'm having deja vu
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I had hehe I just made some corrections and fixed it up so i resubmitted it,
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:iconbrakonu:
Brakonu Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oooh ok
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:iconthesilhouett3:
TheSilhouett3 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
O: whoa! This...is...just...so well written! I love the interaction between the character and their thoughts.
Im a little confused about the cloud part...at the beginning i thought this was based outside, but then you talked about the sink...and it sounded so near so since the character was not described going inside, does that mean that the clouds were a metaphor?  
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:iconnotebook0601:
Notebook0601 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wanted her being outside watching the clouds to represent how then she felt more free from her pain and the voices that day and when they're stronger than her and she's cutting, I wanted the bathroom to represent her hiding her pain and feeling trapped. (It's supposed to be three separate days; in the first section she says shes stronger than them today, in the second she says she's stronger than but not that day, and on the third she completely gives up.)

I'm glad you like like it!
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:iconthesilhouett3:
TheSilhouett3 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my bad then! It was still awesome :hug:
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