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  • Listening to: Bill Douglas - Elegi
Now this begins to be ridiculous. What on earth is wrong with these chicks? Once I finished a bird-painting, I went straight to bed. On the next dawn I woke up in such a loud croaks and snivels coming from my living room. I shambled my way over there and then the noise stopped. During this awkward silence, I turned my head and glanced at my window...

Huge pile of jackdaws sitting on my window sill, just staring at me through those blinds. Weren't frightened at all, but I was instead. They didn't fly away nor made any sounds apart from the few which did whine a little. I walked silently over to the blinds and closed them. After my little session wondering, that what the hell was that, I kept up my morning.

Has anyone else had such experiences out of ordinary? Or seen such odd behavior among these flying things? :lmao: It's fun how I just summoned a mound of birds on my sill just by painting one of them. Maybe they all wanted to get captured and immortalized.
  • Listening to: My head
FINALLY I moved my ass to do some animation! ------>…

Spring is sucking the life out of me. All the sunlight and.... Ugh... Too... Much... Pressure....
Kuolinkello is my childhood character. Because of my SLI, I didn't understand the time, or a clock in that matter. Everytime I got late or didn't knew when I had to meet someone, I invented the creature named Kuolinkello and I blamed it for moving the clock's pointers.

That little bastard. :sarcasm:
  • Listening to: Anthony Moreau - Neige
Once upon a time there was the North Oracle, Nuuk. He knew the secrets of the world- all of them, because he himself was one of the greatest and dearest secrets of the Arctic Circle.

Nuuk loved everything white and cold. He loved walking on the snow and sliding on it's bright ice-fields, but once on the pure white winter day, he discovered something black from the abyss of the glacier. It was a bottle of something that even the Oracle Nuuk did not knew beforehand.
Nuuk was so fascinated by the colour in the bottle, that he began to paint and write with it's liquid all day long. Soon, however, he became so obsessed by the ink, that he even began to drink and bathe in it. His mind tarnished and he became very ill. He turned into an Ink Oracle.

So, whenever you notice black stains in the snow, you know, that the Ink Oracle is near.

... Afterwords my mom laughed at this. :stare:
  • Watching: True Blood, 3th season
Oh dear. I made a list about all the funny things I've said.


Friend: I don't actually know, why I adore Marilyn Monroe.

Me: Well, maybe it's because you adore her strenght to stand all that crap in her life. You know, men and all.

Friend: She made a suicide.

Me: Hm... Yes she did.


Me: Why you're not getting married with your boyfriend?

Teacher: Because I'm not ready for that kind of thing.

Me: So you still live alone?

Teacher: Yes, I do.

Me: What are you? A hooker?

Teacher: O____O

(I didn't learn that word from home.)


Me: *fiddling my toy phone*

Sis: What are you doing?

Me: Just calling.

Sis: To who?

Me: To police, of course.

(Apparently I tried to say" to the doctors", but I didn't actually remember the difference between of those two.)


Friend: I like vampires. I think they're awesome.

Me: Vampires? OH, you mean those guys who like soft porn?

Friend: Say that again, and I'll pierce you with this fork.


Me: What? You're pregnant?

Teacher: Yes I am.

Me: Now you're just pulling my leg.

Teacher: No I'm not. Can't you see?

Me: Naaaahhh.... You just ate too much.

(Who'd believe, that I said that with a straight face?)


Teacher: Now now, It'll be fine. At first you just....


(... And that's how I cursed the very first time.)

I made a song about "Walking in the Air" and I sang it to the end with a really high octave. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I HAD MY VOICE SO HIGH! :faint:

It's on youtube, you can pay a visit over there and check it out by yourself. ->…

I put my old piano songs in there as well, you know- my own piano compositions. Just go check my channel and you'll meet them there. ->…

I'm doing a letter to someone, that I admire and I'm freaked out. I've never wrote to anyone and I'm sort of shy around the people I respect. I'm not a screaming fangirl, I'M JUST PATHETIC! Don't you ever have this feeling, that you want to thank someone for existing? WELL I DO! And if I'm not doing to do this, I'm gonna regret it rest of my life. I think it's better to be embarrased than not to follow my impulsive mind.

... And I could use a hug right now! :wtf:
  • Listening to: Anthony Moreau - Neige
  • Reading: Bronze Age
It's awesome to be back here! I've felt like I've been sleeping all this time!

I have written a book recently, which should come to the sale... Soon. It's name is "Blue Riddle" and.... Well... As soon as it's ready, I'll tell you more. :giggle:
AND I've had like eleven potrait painting-orders, which I think is pretty unbelievable- for me that is.

Now I'm reading about Bronxe Age's art culture, because we have to make an presentation about it till friday. MAN! I'm not only gonna make an presentation, I'll do an ANIMATED DOCUMENT! Praise the ambitiousness!
I want to be honest: I've felt myself pretty insignificant recently. This sensation has even overwhelmed my thoughts at times and tugged me to the ground. It has happened a lot since I moved to my own appartment on summer. There has been lonely and quiet. I am not quite social person and I hate that feature in me. Sometimes I wished I'd be one of those grumpy loners who turns guests out of their doors from beginning, because they actually accept themselves as they are and enjoys the solitude. I'm just a cat what's not against the lonelyness, but rolls around the legs like a shoelace when it gets company. However, this isn't part of the subject I need to speak... AHEM!

As I said, I feel myself useless. It's a tiresome shutter in my occiput, which I forget to shut at times, thus having all the worries crawling in the depts of my mind from it. I create with my hands. I do lots of different things, but none of them doesn't make useful to the luckless communities or broken individuals. My stories and novels do not serve breakfast, lunch or dinner to the starvings. My brush do not paint shoes to the childrens feets, to the children who runs only in T-shirts. None of my piano music couldn't hush the mentally ills and tell them that it's all right.
I've heard about cruel world, but never experienced it so badly as the others. I have the loving parents, wonderful sister and grandma. I have money for food and shelter. Then I start to wonder, that how many would be this lucky. I've succeeded to turn the world into a boogeyman, that crouches in my closet and knows, that someday I need to change my clothes as well.

I've been dreaming to give something to the world, what it cannot give me back. I've been dreaming to become heard. However that wouldn't never come true, since what my kind of simple girl could give to the world and who would listen to a slightly, mentally retarded person, who's having a trouble to just listing all the chemical elements? I'm feeling like I'm lending my helping hand between a prison bars. In other words, I'm trying to help, comfort and support grieving people near me, but my mind says it's not enough and that's why I feel myself useless. So many times I've tried to put it in action and make the world better place to live, especially for the people who stands in my life. So why does the world keep sobbing like an anxious baby? Furthermore, that I seem to be uncapable to do this alone, I'm mentally uncapable to train myself to a psycologist, doctor or environmentalist. Into a benefactor, that could lull the world in sleep.

It feels like I can't do anything else than just speak. I don't usually tell about these kind of things, cause I'm clumsy with drama and I feel just silly and some sort of goddam hypocrite, when I just listen to myself. Anyway it doesn't matter anymore, cause it seems, that my worried words about world and peoples ecoes to deaf ears. I'm out of breath and I'm exhausted to shout anymore. Sometimes I dare to admit it to myself, that all my opinions and the things I'm marching for feels insignificant.

I'm sure, that everyone tends to feel like that at times. I'd just simply want to be kind and fair to the world as a token of my gratitude, that it's permitting me to walk on it's surface. I'm just very worried and sad about all the bad things, that has harden peoples hearts, broken the children made of glass and made the air too toxic to even smell it.

Haluan olla nyt rehellinen: Olen joskus tuntenut itseni turhaksi. Tunne on voimistunut viimeaikoina, kun kesästä alkaen sain oman kämpän. Siellä on yksinäistä ja erittäin hiljaista. En ole kovin seurallinen ja inhoan sitä piirrettä itsessäni. Joskus jopa toivoisin olevani nyreä erakko, joka haluaisi häätää sisääntulijat alkuunsa, koska sellaiset ihmiset hyväksyvät itsensä sellaisena kuin on, mutta nyt olen vain jonkinlainen seurankipeä kissa, jolle kelpaa yksinäisyys, mutta aina seuraa saadessaan kiehnää kuin kengännauha jalkojen ympärillä. Se ei kuitenkaan ole tunne, josta tekee nyt mieli puhua.

Kuten sanoin, tunnen itseni turhaksi. Se on sellainen ikävä luukku minun takaraivossani, jonka unohdan sulkea ja sitten kaikki huolet ryömivät siitä mieleni uumeniin. Minä luon käsilläni. Teen paljon erilaisia asioita, mutta yksikään niistä ei ole hyödyllinen maailmalle. Minun kirjani eivät anna nälkäisille aaimaista, ei lounasta eikä illallista, minun siveltimeni ei maalaa pelkässä T-paidassa kulkeville lapsille kenkiä jalkaan, eikä etenkään minun sävellykseni pianon melodia hyssyttele mielisairaita ja kerro heille, että kaikki on kunnossa.
Olen kuullut julmasta maailmasta, mutta en ole kokenut sitä yhtä pahasti, kuin ne huono-osaisemmat. Minulla on rakastavat vanhemmat, ihana isosisko ja mummu. Minulla on rahaa, ruokaa ja katto pääni päällä, mutta sitten mietin, että kuinka usea on näin onnekas. Olen onnistunut luomaan maailmasta mörön komerooni, joka tietää, että minunkin on joskus vaihdettava vaatteeni.

Olen unelmoinut antavani maailmalle jotain, mitä se ei voisi minulle ikinä antaa ja tulla kuulluksi. Se ei ehkä kuitenkaan voisi ikinä toteutua, sillä mitä minunlaiseni yksinkertainen tyttö voisi antaa ja kuka kuuntelisi sellaista jolle pelkkä alkuaineiden luettelu tuottaa haasteita? Tunnen hapuilevani auttavaa kättäni kalterien välistä. Toisin sanottuna yritän auttaa ja lohduttaa ja tukea lähelläni surevia ihmisiä, mutta mieleni sanoo ettei se riitä ja siksi tunnen itseni turhaksi. Olen monesti yrittänyt laittaa toimeksi ja monesti tehdä maailmasta hyvä paikka elää etenkin niille, jotka asuvat minun elämässäni. Miksi siis maailma yhä huutaa hätääntyneen vauvan tavoin? Sen lisäksi, että en näemmä pysty siihen yksin, olen henkisesti kykenemätön kouluttautumaan joksikin psykologiksi, eläintohtoriksi tai luonnonsuojelijaksi. Hyväntekijäksi joka laulaisin sen maailman uneen.

Tuntuu, että en muuta voi enään tehdä kuin puhua. En yleensä puhu näistä asioista, koska en ole tottunut dramatiikkaan ja tunnen itseni muutenkin hupsuksi ja teeskentelijäksi, kun kuuntelen itseäni. Kaikki huolestuneet sanani maailmaa ja ihmisiä koskien tuntuvat kaikuvan kuuroille korville ja henkeni alkaa olla lopussa, niin että en jaksa huutaa enään. Joskus kehtaan jopa myöntää itselleni, että kaikki mielipiteeni ja mielenosoituksen marssini askeleet tuntuvat mitättömiltä.

Olen varma, että joskus jokainen tuntee samoin. Haluaisin yksinkertaisesti olla kiltti maailmalle, koska se antaa minun kävellä sen kamaralla ja olen kovin huolestunut ja surullinen kaikista pahoista asioista, jotka ovat kovettaneet ihmisten sydämet, rikkoneet lasiset lapset ja tehnyt ilmasta myrkyllisen hengittää.

Why is it so difficult to seal new bonds?
As I have transferred to a new college, I've tried to be attractive and friendly and most of all- social. Everyone are over twenty of their age. I'm 18 years-old now. Am I not smart enough?
What I'm implying here is, that everyone are getting along very well. Why I'm not with 'em?
I cannot hide the slight doubt, that no one don't want to be associated with me.
They are not rude, oh not at all. On the contrary, they are friendly, when I'm joining in. Just how I hoped it'd be.
So why do I have this emotion and how could I get rid of it? Is it because I've never had such great friendships with anyone or is it just because... I don't know... I'm different?

Nobody can't claim, that hasn't never been loved.

It is available in almost every place, little by little, piece by piece.
If you don't get love from family, then you must get it from friends,
if not from friends, from the love of your life,
if not even from the love of you life (which is a little odd), then the secret admirer.

It can come in any form.

... But ...

Frequently too young love may have it's... negative side-effects.
And do not exclude the idea that many people may only want to have sex: men...

To my shame I have to admit that I have not yet experienced the love of a man. I have not even gotten a first kiss. That is why you have every right to argue.

I'll never know, that is love overrated, or vice versa, but I'll never admit, that it is in it's balance.
I do not know now reason why I write here. I can not say anything other than that I am sorry that I have not been able to draw in a while.
It's been busy and my profession as an illustrator brings its own responsibilities. Schedule begins groan meetings. There is more coming.
I am happy for my work and in the future I get to make animation film- perhaps, for which I am really excited. However, I can't get too carried away.
May Day also brought its events, and I have not even had time to visit on the Internet.
There is already another writer, whose book I'm illustrating and implementing.
When I was in the school canteen and chatted with my friends, one began to talk about sex. I have nothing against it, but she thought it was somehow adultish and because I were a virgin, she mocked me in front of everybody.
I'm a 17 year old muslim and atleast I don't fuck everything what moves. I have a plan for the future and it does not involve the risk of early pregnancys. Sex does not make you an adult, just careless and a typical teenager.

It is people's own choice if you want to be a virgin or not, and should not make fun of it. I just laugh at people who think they're better than us, after they just had sex. Well I have something to say about that, I'm going to keep my conscience clean when I meet a man of my life and I have no intention to tell, that I had chlamydia in the previous relationship.

I am far from being a mockery of young amateurs having sex, they just do not have the right to make fun of virgins.
  • Listening to: nothing
  • Reading: Telecommunication Technology
  • Watching: Telecommunication Technology
  • Drinking: Juice