i tripped and fell into the ocean. inverted, i gazed upward, full of saltwater and wonder and i dreamt i saw your gaze reflected, refracted through temperatures shining into view. i feel myself drowning in you. inhale on purpose. take in that intoxicating taste of being lost in you. eyes shimmering full of what-ifs and "why didn't you"s. it should always have been a little death by drowning, a slight surrender to something always there. i've hit the bed and can only look at the shimmer and sparkle as gentle, unforgiving breeze breaks the surface and sun into shards like diamonds and silver an angelic glow and safety razors and they sink,

i wish that i could put into words these words about how my mind refuses to switch off at 3am as it's raining seeing and hearing you- you, talking to me as i'm on the edge of sleeping in and out of when the fan oscillates away not always able to separate what you've said and what you didn't as when the white noise comes back and it's not your breath i'm feeling from inches behind. wanting to run but outweighed by wanting to stay next to this candle and under a roof that sounds of rain. re-remembering trying to give up completely but telling myself that ship has sailed on fire; desperate to run but knowing that there's nowhere i can be b

How can the thought be accepted That something so promised, so seemingly endless, Older than a third of this universe And once piercing, shimmering, through everything And anyone thrown against it Now feels so soon as to be fleeting As clouds which every misaligned wheel and displaced rail Lift from the never-diminishing layer of dust on every surface On a train, the tail of which approaches Inevitably. And in every moment of weakness, You know I'll step to those tracks just to have One last waking dream in sunset colors Of violent reds, violets, and melting clouds - Just how I remember you And be struck straight to heaven or hell, Your ch