Panteleimon's Purpose [Origin Prompt]

Before Panteleimon was an esk, there was a human that became them. This is not the story of that human, but that human matters nonetheless for the explanation of Panteleimon’s purpose. 

The human that would become Panteleimon, they often felt adrift and without purpose. They didn’t believe in any such thing as inherent purposes. Telei doesn’t even now. Our purpose is whatever we decide it is, in Telei’s opinion.

But that meant deciding on a purpose was key, and the human prior to Telei could not decide. When they tried to settle on one, their mind told them they couldn’t. After all, how could they be able to have a purpose when they could barely do anything? They felt useless.

Seven years had passed since the emergence of their depression at that point. It had as strong symptoms as ever and no amount of prescribed medication given to that human was enough to make them feel anything approaching okay. Oftentimes, they weren’t even certain how they should define ‘feeling okay’ by that point. They could hardly remember feeling different than this, and they were so tired.

That human got lost on a sunny spring day, looking around at the world and wanting so much to be connected to everything. But that human’s mind felt so distant, and they thought that such could never be. There was more to it, their moment of becoming lost, but that was what was essential to know for understanding Panteleimon’s purpose.

In a way, that human was right. They never would be connected to everything like they desired, not in that life. And though Panteleimon had memories of that human’s life, the faces and places were all scratched out pages of a life lived. They weren’t the same, not really.

That human had thought upon looking up at the tall otherworldly being, later known to Panteleimon as X, that they could have a purpose after all, and the potential that X offered to them was more than enough. That maybe even they could have a friend in this being.

Panteleimon looks back at that human’s memories, and they know that human was loved. That they had support, even if it sometimes felt so very distant, like then. They know what that human really wanted was a chance to escape. And they feel compassion for that human, but they think that human made an ultimately selfish decision.

But Panteleimon is not that human, not really. The transformation took away the personal details, and they know that is probably the only reason they adjusted so well. If they had those memories upon transforming into an esk, the being that would have been would have clung to what was instead of what could be. 

Since they did not feel the same connection to their past memories as their present ones, the esk was free to become Panteleimon, to have a purpose beyond dwelling.

One thing they are grateful for, is the way that the human made a deal for a teacher and friend in X. Because X is connected to humanity, and if Panteleimon’s creator had not agreed to the deal with the human, they probably would have left the esk created by the transformation of that human behind.

And Panteleimon was shaped as much if not more so by X’s awkward attempts at being a creator as they were shaped by the somewhat fragmented memories of the human before. So having been a human like the one they were allowed them to be connected to their creator more closely.

X had tried to distance itself from the tiny esk that had not yet decided on a name after a bit, but they had not let that happen. At first, it had been a selfish desire to keep the part of the world that currently felt most real with them that had led to them persistently dogging at X’s heels.

Then, as they grew into being themself, they realized how connected they actually felt to all the world. And they realized how disconnected X itself felt at times. 

And so they looked at their creator and felt a compassion that didn’t stop at their creator, extending outward into the entire world. And then a name had come to them, as well as a purpose.

Or rather, both were the same. They were to be Panteleimon, which meant the all-compassionate. A sizable name, but it was a sizable world they were connected to now. 

Their purpose lies in connecting to the world and caring, constantly. It would have been so much harder than it sounds for the human that came before. But to Panteleimon, it came naturally almost always once they had begun.

Plants were the almost the easiest to care for, but animals were not far behind. The human had probably found it the other way around, even though they had cared for plants a greal deal, but Panteleimon had plants (and fungi) that now were truly a part of themself, and that was why it was easy to connect and therefore care for them. Probably why esks were the actual easiest entities to care for. 

But just because an entity was slightly different to care for did not mean Panteleimon did not try to care equally for all. Panteleimon tried to be fair with their compassion. 

And when they held that goal in their mind, they felt that though it would be a struggle at times to be fair, because what was fair for one was not the same for another, it was a worthwhile purpose. And they had all the time in the world now to get that purpose done right.