why i give no effort
man all my life i've had to work. give max effort at all time to even be considered "average" it seems, at least for my parents standards. always cleaning this or passing this class my whole childhood, and it wasn't just my parents (although that was most of it), it was teachers too, although not all of them, wanting me to do well, some in good heart, and some just out of spite it seemed (once again, i had a demon of a 5th grade teacher). always pushing me to be better organized and efficient but never why. i was always taught HOW to be successful but never really WHY
and eventually it burned me out. caused mass dysfunction, which wasn't a good mix with my parents putting pressure on me to do better. so my level of work i put out fell drastically because i had lost the interesting in learning i had once had. then i was just scraping by, which was probably good because i doubt with my eventual dysfunction that i could have kept up anything with PTSD symptoms pretty much fucking up any chance of having my parents be honestly proud in me die quick.
so i don't make complicated art. i don't make organized poems. i don't sing songs and im not graceful. i don't put effort into explaining my problems because i don't got no effort left to give, and any effort i got left to spare goes to keeping myself afloat. so i made my own way of doing things. its not special, its not polished, its not pretty.
but goddamn is it honest, and considering how much of an compulsive liar i am (can't exactly tell the people around me all my problems for obvious reasons), and i could use some honesty. hell a lot of the internet could use some honesty. and not the polished honesty, because that rarely is true honesty. i mean the rough, unrefined, unfiltered cry for help type honesty, showing people what a goddamn wreck i so happen to be. and to a certain extent everyone is a bit of a wreck underneath all the acting we do to make it look like we are fine. some are more of a wreck then others yes but no one has it together as much as they say
ranting is a rebellion
I thought your parents is the only cruel jerks around here, and your 5th grade teacher just had to be a bitch to you.
I feel your pain bro, at least you tried escaping the hell you live in *hugs you*
oh, and stay safe! I heard that the world is on fire thanks to humans destroying the planet