i mean i did mange to make it out
looking back i guess despite everything i did manage to make it out of the worst of it. honestly most of my problems are just the after effects of those bad times. admittedly they are still problems of course, and it still does effect me mentally, but looking back, i tried my best considering the hell i went through.
so no matter how bad I suffer sometimes because of the mental effects from the traumatic experiences i am still out of them. i did manage to make it. im and finally starting to move on. i have new friends now. met them in college. im not hating myself as much as i usually do tonight. maybe things do get better after all.
its also possible its a fluke, and god knows my life has a tendency to get much worse when i thought it was getting better, but im gonna hold onto my little bit of optimism. even if its delusional i will hold onto it, because its the first real hope for myself i've had in a while. not the fake hope i sometimes tell myself to feel better sometimes, no this times its real belief that things are getting better.
i might just be setting myself up for disappointment, but i've been sent back to square before. hell i've been stuck on square one for quite some time honestly. so why not give in to that instinct that says not to over think it for once?
why not just let good things come my way for once, maybe it'll be easier then trying to will them into existence.
honestly i've been working myself too hard for a while. i need to lay off myself more. maybe just, get a little sleep