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Nocturnaliss's avatar
By Nocturnaliss
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Literature Text

I used to stare out at the Moon for hours
Nothing else existed in my life
Except that pearly dome
I spent so many hours, days, weeks,
Months and years
Just staring, talking, howling and then
Hoping It would notice me
Hoping It would see me
See the truth and burn it down
I couldn't live without pursuing Its light
I sought peace and found war in Its wake
How can something so beautiful
Cause so much pain?
And I didn't see
Its truth
Not until Its light evaporated
The Moon abandoned my nightsky
And all that remained was darkness

I always needed a Moon
I always needed other lights to guide me
Because I always was the one left behind
For once, just for once
I wanted to be someone's Moon

And even when I became a Sun
I still felt the Moon's pull
I couldn't stand the light
From within this broken night

But then I stared up at the empty sky and saw how
It really was
Myriads of stars twinkled in the darkness
Some long gone, some still alive
Here lied the peace I had always sought
I would never be left behind
With so many bright lights paving my night
Why had it taken so long for me to see?
The moon is small now, gentle, warm
And reflects only my self in the dark
And whenever my light wavers
I know the Stars will share of theirs
Just as I share of mine
Being a hermit, I often don't reach out enough to people. It never means I don't think about them.

Today, I woke up with the need to shout out to the people and friends who come and went, who make a difference in my life for the better. The people who have encouraged me to pursue my dreams and have helped me become who I am today. I'm not perfect (obviously), and I don't aim for perfect. I just aim for happy.

And as I struggle to finish my novel, with the world around me having shaken and changed quite a bit since the start of the year, it is knowing there are people out there who want me to succeed that keeps me able to walk forward. I'm no good at telling people I care about them. With a good friend dying very recently, as I shift from understanding to plain anger to just hoping her partner's doing okay, I think it's important to take a moment to tell people what they really mean to you. Well, I only know this way here. 

So shoutout in no particular order to pawcanada, dailydragonlair, Tuntalm, PaulDoyle, Lishao, Matt, Yami, Katharina and Jan, for being stars of support and encouragement in my chosen life path.
Shoutout to my parents for being so incredibly supportive that I think I'll never be able to repay them. I've watched our relationship blossom over the years and I can't begin to express how happy it makes me. I can only hope to make them proud down the line by succeeding.
Shoutout also to my crazy supportive husband-to-be who even learned to appreciate literature and reading, just for me. I sometimes wonder if I deserve someone as devoted as him... but he'd get bored without my craziness. ;)
And a shoutout also to my dad-in-law for making me feel like I'm part of the family. At this point in life, this is something extremely important to me. He's a pretty bright star in my nightsky.

I don't know where I'm heading, but I know where I'm not. There are things I no longer need, obsessions laid to rest, and even though the future is unclear, I know nothing can go wrong as long as the stars keep glittering in the sky. Thank you for being my stars. I hope that my light can and has positively influenced you as well.
© 2018 - 2021 Nocturnaliss
anonymous's avatar
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dailydragonlair's avatar
I’m glad I’ve been of some support to you! You have a lot to be proud of, including this poem.
dailydragonlair's avatar
Hmm, strange typos appeared in my last comment which were not in the preview. Sorry about that. Anyway, I am sure you can still understand it :D