This is a reply I made to someone on YT (and trust me, only once every few months do I manage to pull one out that's this long) and it explains a few things that I usually don't have time to touch on in my videos, so for whatever it's worth, here's a piece of what goes on in my brain...
Also, this is slightly edited to remove specific names.
Well well well, where do I start? Maybe by getting some background music going.
Rush, "The Wreckers". That's better.
If there has been any energy loss in my recent (and by recent I mean like in the last week) videos, there actually has been a reason, 'cause I've caught a slight bit of the flu. Normally I keep the temperature in my place around 68 degrees, and for a couple weeks, I was uncomfortably cold unless it was over 75 degrees. Normally I hate it that warm, but I had to keep it that warm just to keep from shivering. Fortunately, in the last couple of days, it has passed, but unfortunately, I did have a recording session that I think could have gone better -- parts 14, 15 and 16.
(Note: I should have at least acknowledged the possibility that they meant a loss of energy in recent months or even the last year, but to be honest, I don't feel like I've lost any energy at all; if it's coming across that way, maybe it's just a by-product of so much travelling, Grandma's passing away, or not getting out of the house enough)
Of course I don't like making promises like "Yeah, oh it's going to get better after so-and-so part", but at the same time, I get really uneasy when I do games like this (e.g. DK64) that I don't know extremely well and I don't know whether to act like "Hey, then you do this because I just know" or to actually be like "Oh yeah I remember, you do this now". Most of the time, like with a game like Banjo Kazooie, I can come on here and act like I know what I'm doing. With this game, since I've done a practice file, I can basically do the same thing up until I reach a point where I either haven't done something or I just plain don't recall or retain the skill to do it. Then I'm lost as to whether to play Mr. Know-It-All or just roll with the punches. I'd love to say that commentary was such an easy thing to come up with, and even these days, my opinion is that it is easy, yet sometimes inexplicably it just won't come to me. Especially in new surroundings. It's like when you've just moved into a new place and you just don't know where things are. It throws off your game.
Man, I'm halfway tempted to post this reply on my Deviantart page, it seems to explain so much that I don't say enough about. (Haha, guess what I did)
I definitely never play worse on purpose, nor do I refrain from playing "genuinely". Haha, I was not aware there was a way to not play genuinely actually.
I did go for a long period of time where I just didn't read my comments because people always seemed to want to point out the negative aspects of what I did. Conker's especially, people just seem to forget what it's like to play a game for the first time, when you don't have everything memorized all the way down to the small nuances of how things control. It's scary when you're in a world for the first time and people are watching, waiting for you to figure things out. It's like going into a job you haven't been trained for or an exam for which you were never taught the answers. And of course, the answers are so obvious to those who have been trained, but it's hard to look back and imagine something as being difficult once you've passed all the aspects of the task to your instinct and/or subconscious. Because your conscious mind is hardly even aware that the subconscious exists, it's easy to think that the ability to do said tasks originates from basic human instinct, the same instinct that taught us how to do very basic things in life a long time ago, but it's not the same instinct that's running the show with something you only just learned to do in the last week and suddenly are tasked with doing it again.
I don't care about the subscriber vs. viewer count, mainly because it seems the same for 75% of LP'ers out there. I know a lot of people who are way worse off than I as far as the ratio of subs to views go. Some people have moved on from YT or the internet in general, some have just plain grown out of it, some aren't interested in the current project. All things considered, I honestly expected the view count for DK64 to be a lot worse. I remember thinking it was a huge deal if I managed to pull 10,000 views on a one-day-old video, and that wasn't actually very long ago that I remember thinking that. As far as I'm concerned, if you can post a video and get 20,000 views in a week, especially when you're doing something that takes as little work as this does, you're pretty lucky.
At any rate, I don't really know if this solves anything or eases your mind at all, it's just kind of the first thing that comes to mind with regard to some of the stuff you brought up. I appreciate the fact that so many of you guys care so much like this, 'cause you sure don't have to. I'm nothing special, just a dude who plays video games and maybe manages to say something funny once every 15 minutes. But the support and love that's been shown has literally made this the happiest time of my life. There's nothing I could ever do to repay that.