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About Varied / Hobbyist Lorna WebsterFemale/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 90 Deviations 1,066 Comments 9,762 Pageviews

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I almost called a suicide hotline today.
And then I didn’t because I couldn’t stand,
the thought
of even a trained stranger hearing the pain in my voice.
And what does that say about me?
That I’ll go any distance to avoid upsetting someone
actually getting better
or going to work today.
So I can’t stop thinking
That I’ll lose my job
And that I deserve it.
It’s my own fault anyway.
(It’s always my fault)
Reading up depression websites
With every symptom an obvious yes.
Ninety six out of a hundred (of course, never a perfect score).
And what does that say about me?
I am stage four,
Destined to die,
Why even fight it when the odds are never in your favour?
Except I opened this word document,
To write,
a suicide note to my husband
and couldn’t find the words to tell him
that a second person in his life had given up.
So instead I wrote this poem.
Now, what does that say about me?
:iconninetynineprobs:Ninetynineprobs 1 1
Good days will follow bad ones until
all the world’s your playground.
and so what if you don’t remember
how to be young?
And so carefree
that the sun dapples in your palm
instead of burning in
your heart.
I will teach you.
So be still.
Because tomorrow will be better.
:iconninetynineprobs:Ninetynineprobs 4 0
Were I a poet
Were I a poet
of old
in the day of Keats
I could write you the most wondrous ode
and everyone who read it would pause
hand on heart
And say
I wish
I had
been loved like that.
But I am not.
So I will not.
Were I a musician
of old
in the times of Bach
I would make you a tune of such beauty
nightingales would burn with envy.
But I am not.
So I will not.
Were I an artist
of old
with the passion and creativity of Kahlo
I would paint you a portrait
so fine
That I could press my lips to it
and half believe it was you.
But I am not.
So I will not.
All I have are these clumsy words
faltering sentences
and these hands that lay you to sleep
Calm you when you wake in the night
Love you when you hold me tight.
All I have is this.
that I have always loved you.
that I am yours.
And I am.
And I will.
:iconninetynineprobs:Ninetynineprobs 6 0
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Thank you

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 26, 2013, 9:30 AM
I want to say a big thank you to any fans and people who like my art. I look at my art and poems and I can honestly see how amateur they are. And I have depression and for a long time I've struggled with perfectionism. So I'm trying to ignore that. There's a lot of life changes taking place for me right now, but hopefully I'll be back real soon!

I also want to apologise to the person who was promised a Kiriban from me and I will still try to get on that.


Ninetynineprobs has started a donation pool!
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I'm not really sure how this whole donation thing works and it feels really odd to ask for points...but hey, if you feel like it, go right ahead.

Donate 50 points and get a sketch of your choice!

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Ninetynineprobs's Profile Picture
Lorna Webster
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
A beginner artist and long time sufferer of depression, Lorna has recently begun to stretch out her creative tendrils in an attempt to overcome the disease which has closeted her dreams.

She believes in freedom of creativity for everyone, forgetting if you're any good at it and just doing and the basic tenets of feminism.

She also loves video games, cats, dogs, her husband and in-jokes that will be forgotten the year after you make them!


I'm member of:


#GetWatchers help artists to share their creativity, increase their audience and get more feedback by getting more exposure and pageviews. If you want more exposure of your arts, constructive critics, watchers and/or if you would like to discover new talented artists, come join us :pointr: Here :pointl:.



Add a Comment:
elmina Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
Oh look, another year has passed.

Happy b-day! Love 
elmina Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
Happy b-day! :D
Ninetynineprobs Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
<3 Thanks dear!
mecengineer Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
Happy Birthday Lorna.
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