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A terrible accident has befell a dear friend of mine. Systems Mainframe In Legistical Evil Endevours (SMILEE for short) took a short fall the other day and had to be taken into geeksquad for repairs. Fortunately all systems are functioning normally and only requires a new screen. Bad news is she'll be out for 2 weeks. I am typing this from my DSI at the food court. (Let's hear it for the future!) My desk top is in storage should work fine. So this only puts a slight delay on my project schedule provided i can get what i need from work installed on my Dell. Important thing is getting the PCBC stuff done and getting concepts for our cartoon production started. Been asking college friends for help with the animation. More on that later.
I write and write and can't decide on a proper story for my submission piece to PCBC. It just tears me up inside that my muse is so silent. Everything is frozen this time of year. Even work has come to a stand still. I've tried everything to get myself back in the swing. Where is my inspiration. Say something! Anything!
Haven't updated. Sick of seeing that stupid game up.
Kicking off the first stages of Evil Brand.
I have Live Journal for real updates.
Haven't updated. Sick of seeing that stupid game up.
Kicking off the first stages of Evil Brand.
I have Live Journal for real updates.
viciously stolen from :iconworm-baby:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

Q: How are you feeling today?
A: Mr Brightside- the Killers
Gee, I'm kinda torn here. I could say it's completely accurate. Would that be revealing too much? The title is spot on. The song is none of your busness.

Q: Will you get far in life?
A: Float On- Modest Mouse
We'll all float on okay. No worries. Maybe I will, maybe I'll stay home. I'll just flow like water.

Q: How do your friends see you?
A: Alternative Polka- Weird Al Yankovich
The title kinda fits how my friends see me. Different, but fun

Q: Will you get married?
A: You Make Me- Weird Al Yankovich
She'll probably have to propose. I know I want to at some point

Q: What is your best friend's theme song?
A: Synphony No. 9 (Scherzo) -Beethoven
I don't know anyone who this would fit

Q: What is the story of your life?
A: Alchohol- Bare Naked Ladies
HA! Yeah, I wish I could say this. I haven't drank much since I left WVU.

Q: What was high school like?
A: Good Old Mountain Dew- Grandpa Jones
In my dreams. I should've been born in WV.

Q: How can you get ahead in life?
A: Highway Blues- Speakin' Out
Think this was a demo track on my computer. Dunno how that got mixed in.

Q: What is the best thing about your friends?
A: Happy Birthday- Weird Al Yankovic
They all love birthdays. I hate mine. Thank you all so much for ignoring mine.

Q: What is in store for this weekend?
A: Liquor Store- Less Than Jake.
Sounds good to me. Anyone wanna make a run?

Q: To describe your grandparents?
A: This song is just six words long
NOT A CHANCE! All of them are/were long winded and hard of hearing.

Q: How is your life going?
A: Canadian Idiot- Weird Al Yankovich

Q: What song will they play at your funeral?
A: Everything you know is wrong- Weird Al Yankovic
Best that we all go gently ino that good night. I know I've made my mark on the world.

Q: How does the world see you?
A: Johnny Quest Thinks We're Sellouts- Less Than Jake
BULLSHIT! One day those heritics will see!

Q: Will you have a happy life?
A: Sadness- Enigma (Extended trance mix)
Apparently not... :(

Q: What do your friends really think of you?
A: Clint Eastwood- Del tha Funkee Homosapien/Gorillaz
I'm so not a cowboy, despite the hat

Q: Do people secretly lust after you?
A: Hardware Store- Weird Al Yankovic
Either this is saying someone is waiting for me to open up and accept them into their heart or it's saying I'm a tool and shouldn't read into these things.

Q: How can I make myself happy?
A: Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White- Weird Al Yankovic
non-sequetor dreams always make me happy

Q: What should you do with your life?
A: 19-2000 [Soul Child Remix]- Gorillaz
I should choose my own music and get the cool shoe shine.

Q: Will you ever have children?
A: The Weird Al Show Theme
Hampsters are like children....

I'm suprised White and Nerdy never came up for any of these questions. Go fig.
  • Listening to: Didn't You read the list?
fuck being 25
fuck being 25
In a class that I thought I would be able to catch up in. It was so simple to start out with. It just launched into mission impossible. From 5-7 pm I slept on a broken chair on the floor of my friends' apartment. I am two weeks behind on this assignment and everyone else has their characters in Unreal and are editing them. I swear, if it were a sandwich I'd get the bread stuck in my ears. I am so incompetent at doing the simplest tasks it makes me sick!
Not as productive as I wanted to be last night, but better than any other Up All Night. Played a nice game of D&D, got my work done, and still had enough time to bullshit with my friends. We watched you tube and flash videos for a while. I was happy for a while.
Then they left. I was lonely. What was I supposed to do?
Seriously, what do I do? I thought if I just be myself and I could pass for a lovable person. There must be something wrong with me.
I'm at up all night working on some project.  Got a song running through my head and I'm already crashing from my caffeine high. I haven't written in this journal since I started a word document of my personal thoughts, but since that is at home, I thought I'd submit to public display of emotion. It's not like anyone reads my journal, anyway, and I can be as cryptic as I want about she who owns my heart. My muse is being rather finicky this quarter, but I believe she has finally given me the inspiration I need to finish the quarter up. I am fairly certain my production team mates are hating me for not having what I needed done for today.  I deserve it. I really dropped the ball. My only hope is I can pick it up and score in time.

Back on the subject of love, I found myself in the section of pain that comes from unrequited love.  She who owns my heart is devoted to another and the two of them are quite content. In turn, I must be happy.  The pain is only so much that it brings me joy to see her smile, laugh, and talk about her love. Can I be honest with myself? Can't I accept that she cannot love me yet? No. But I will in time.  These things take time, and I should not worry about being seen as just some creep who watches her from a distance. I'm not that guy. I sincerely love her and would do anything to make her happy.
It's an idolatry, really. I found that I cannot reach her, so I have risen her to a place so far beyond my reach that I can justify loving her. She has inspired greatness in my work. I want to create for her.  
My birthday's on Wednesday. I'll be 25. I plan on taking a walk, working, and going to bed when I get home around 11.
What do I want for my birthday? That which I can never have. And I'm still happy that I won't get it.

I love you for the joy you bring
I love you for the song you sing
I love you and your baby blues
I even love your tennis shoes
Though recently you've worn flip-flops
I dropped the beat, I'm sorry,
No, don't worry I'll get it.
Gimme a minute
Dangit, what was I talking about?
Screw it, you want to get some pizza?
Okay, maybe next time, but I'm frickin starving.
You leave first, okay?
No, I'm not gonna stare at your ass! lolz
I just said lolz, didn't I?
I'll leave first
*curses to self and hits head*
Had to bump that last emo entry. Hate it when I get like that. I'll just stick with the love emoticon for a while. I'm always in love. Love keeps me going. Love is my muse.
I can see people pair off, the way people tend to do. It's not enough to know what I want. I'm never what she wants. It's not enough to know the game. I am unable or unwilling to play it. It's not enough to be the one. She always chooses the other. Nobody wants to be alone. somebody is still waiting for you.
Here I stand in a crowded room.
I know everyone there. We are very close.
Infinity is between us.
No one is leaving
I want to be close to someone.
Give me some space.
someone please shut up and talk to me
I'm so far away from anyone
infinity is closing in.
This is not a poem. I really need to talk to someone. I really need someone to be there for me right now.
So, tonight is up all night. I will be spending the majority of the time REDOING MY %$^%ING SKIN AGAIN!!!
It's not like I didn't try to ask what I was doing wrong. I've been asking everyone I know about this, reading up on the subject. Apparently no one knows about putting the mesh smooth on last. Then my teacher sees it and looks at me like I'm a total idiot. This past week has been getting to me slowly.
Just stick a fork in my head and twist.
I will not fail this class. EVER! Okay, I can do this. Be strong. I have a week to do a ten second animation. Gotta get ready for up all night.
I had a short breakthrough close to the end of my shift last night. Someone had left a paper cutout of martin luther king's head near the copiers. I suddenly felt the urge to tape it to a pencil and make a puppet show. With in the hour I had made an all star cast consisting of Dread Pirate Martin Luther King, Zoro Hitler, Pikachu, Anne Franke, and a chicken. Apparently my muse was mute, because I only got as far as turning it into an abstract surrealist free-standing art piece that I set up on the front desk. Shortly after my lovely supervisor informed me that I'm crazy and the piece must be taken down.  I had failed to make any point with this art, but the piece served to remind me that action is the only course of action.

Somehow, I know if Liz was there this would have gotten somewhere.
Look at that. I posted finally. Apparently I only post when I am having some crisis with a beautiful woman that I am madly in love with. The kind that is so far beyond me that I can't possibly hope to be anything more than a friend. Well, it won't happen this time, by gonnit! Ain't no way I'm going to bitch some emo crap about about how I'll never be good enough for her. That just isn't what I'm about. This journal entry is only going to include a record of my experiences and emotions. That's all I have to say today.
posted some sketches. just felt like showing off some stuff. Not like I have too much professional quality work done. Ah well, at least I'm back to even temper again. Kinda low on inspiration these past few weeks. Haven't seen my muse online at all. She's probably student teaching this quarter.

My neice was born yesterday. Emilia Jade. 7.14 lbs, 19 inches. Ten fingers, ten toes. And cute as a button. She's my little ninja. I'm getting her sai when she turns 10. Meanwhile, my nephew is jeolous that I'm still calling him Kender. He wants to be the ninja. He's three years, hyperactive, nebby, wide eyed, pointy eared, and attracted to shiney objects.  Kids are just adorable.
Well, that's the end of that. I love the efficiency of my crushes as I get older. No more months of silent infatuation. I can go through the stages in a week and be done with it. Spent the afternoon surrounded by emo or goth. I really don't care which they were. Just enough opposing evergy to throw my ki off and I'm back to stable by tomorrow morning. If I get my homework done by tonight. And considering I'm at work, probably not. So, I estimate a dip tomorrow followed by an extended lag until thursday.  fun times. not really
So how about women? I haven't seen to many these days. I seem to only have eyes for this one. Isn't that feeling when you first start crushing wonderful.  I wanted to go out to lunch the other day, but hen she walked in the room and I decided to spend my hour in her glory. Dunno if I was oggling. Dunno if I sounded like a fool. Hope I didn't make her uncomfortable, but other than that, don't care. She is one beauty who cannot be described by any one word in the english language. I am sure there is one in Yiddish that comes close. She's fundimentally flawed, obsesive, quirky, hyper-active busybody, in a matter of personal oppinion, she's perfect. Sure, I barely know her. Yet, the more I learn about her the more she fascinates me.
Pity me. Pity the euphoric spaz. Weep that he knows love unaquitted. Bleed tears that joy poors from his every oraface. Despair that he knew you not an eternity before, my angel, my muse, my goddess of svelte.
"I will not be oppressed by goverment mandated snack time!"

Randy Milholland, your drawings a lackluster and your story archs flat, but damn if you don't give the best quotables on the internet.
Okay, I lost it. Completely dropped the ball. I don't even care, anymore.  I was trying to get a ride home from my sister and now I can't go back home.  Can't talk to her, cause all she knows is contempt for me.  I try to do what I can to help her out.  This is what a family is about, right?  Two women bleed you of every shread of your human dignity until there is nothing left of you but a bloody sack of water that slumps around the basement doing whatever they need done around the house.  There's no love left in this family. There used to be alot.  But now, law and curtasy has turned the matriarchy into a nazi regime that is prejudice against Idaho.   Everything is my falt.  There's no question about it.  I should have taught myself how to drive. I should have raised myself and taught myself how to loose weight and talk to women.  I should have graduated from WVU a year ago and be enjoying my high paying teaching job that wasn't going to exist... what was I talking about...? This is stupid.  This is not a healthy way to deal with my problems.