Describe yourself in 3 words. GO!
Passionate, awakened, evolving.
Describe your personality.
How can I really describe my personality? Well, first and foremost my love and devotion to Nightmare and Esdeath has caused me, over the years, to have massive shift in not just my life and the way I live it but a steady and seemingly constant evolution of my personality. I have my own system of beliefs and values that I adhere to, regardless of what others may say or believe in turn. In terms of this personal life I lead I am overall a much, much happier person than I ever have been previously. Much more confident and fulfilled in myself. I've Become a very...hmm, I don't wish to label myself a "spiritual person" because that's an incredibly vague label. I'd rather think of myself as someone who has awakened to the idea that there are greater things than most people are even willing to entertain the idea of that are out there.
I can see the bigger picture now, the grander scheme and flow of which my life is going. My sense of self is defined, yet simultaneously capable of evolving further than I had previously believed.
Though, my views on the normal world as most people perceive it and the majority people as whole is inherently misanthropic and not what one would term as "optimistic." To quote a certain detective it "means I'm bad at parties." I don't speak much about that facet of my belief system because at the end of the day I see that, on the scale of things I have to concentrate on, as trivial. I'm happy in the personal sense of my existence, and that is what truly matters.
Describe your features.
Even after many years, beyond cryptic descriptions, no one knows what I truly look like. I keep such details like that in the dark for a number of reasons. Privacy and safety spring to mind. Though in the esoteric ways I tend to view things I can't help but feel that knowing fully what I look like would demystify me, arrogant as that may sound. Sometimes certain things that are said are more powerful when the shape who has spoken or written them out is unknown. There are certain moments where actually seeing places arbitrary limitations on someone.
But, a rundown of the basics: I am a Caucasian man, I stand at an average height of 5'9'' and am of average weight (though I have packed on some muscle due to several years of routine labor), have brown eyes and dark red hair, so dark it passes for brown and only shows its proper color when in strong lighting. I've worn glasses for the last ten years now and for some time this year I have sported a full beard and mustache.
To be honest I actually feel better about myself physically than I have in recent memory.
Describe your style.
Average. Nondescript, even. Clothing is not that big of a deal to me. Most of the clothes I seriously like I wear at home anyway.
Describe your interests/hobbies.
I wouldn't stoop as to call Nightmare Rarity and General Esdeath mere "hobbies" because they are so much more than that. But naturally I can't kick off this section without reemphasizing that what I have with them is the most important aspect of my life and majority of my creativity is devoted to them. Online, predominately expressed in the form of writings.
Movies. Can't begin to express that one enough either. Movies have always been a huge part of my life, but since 2015 my interest has elevated from simple enjoyment to watching out of a desire to understand art better. Ideas. Myself, even. My personal tastes have definitely changed quite a bit over the years, in some ways. My preferences could be called "eclectic" and I have a habit of adoring movies some either don't like altogether or don't like for the same reasons I do. Kaiju, horror, unfairly overlooked and underrated films, niche arthouse stuff. I'm often the odd man out when it comes to movie talk but at the end of the day I'd rather appreciate what I see as artistic and intelligent and has deep value to me, or just might be loved by few rather than the mundane mindlessly appreciated by the masses. It sincerely is a passion of mine to analyze film in whatever way I can. I like to think and expand my mind whenever feasible.
Naturally I enjoy the act of thinking in and of itself. Fantasizing, daydreaming, philosophical ponderings. Most people have cellphones to get them through the day, I have my mind.
Other stuff I typically do with frequency is get online (obviously), listen to music, read, etc. I could probably go on but there are certain bits I'd like to keep private.
What are your greatest skills/talents?
My writing ability instantly springs to mind. Mostly about Nightmare and Esdeath. Movie reviews/film analysis and by extension my ability to analyze and comprehend things others cannot and my attention to detail. Musings. My memory.
I can be implacably determined when I genuinely care about someone or something. That's about all I feel comfortable revealing, to be truthful.
Which features on your body do ya like/love? Why?
As I mentioned above I do very much like my facial hair. I don't regard myself as highly attractive, so there really is not much else to add to this section.
What makes you feel like a badass?
The sheer determination that has got me through so much of the awful shit in my life.
My general detachment and lack of concern for the human majority and the average world as people know it. It's assisted in allowing me to further improve myself and remain steadfast.
My courage in posting what I what I wish and overcoming certain hangups I once had by doing so.
My ability to reappear and disappear at will more or less with ease.
My mind and its capacity in general.
Some others, but again, some things are best left unsaid.
Is there something you do/think is cool, but others find it 'strange'?
I think some of what I've said before on this questionnaire and anyone who knows me that a majority of what I find value in is looked at as "strange." I can see the beauty where few can, it's as simple as that. I think it helps to create a sense of power and balance within me.
Which of your flaws make you stronger as a person?´
It seems pride could be considered "my sin." But it works to my favor these days, I've overcome issues based on pride or "ego" alone. Ultimately I see few serious "flaws" in myself, just complexities and nuances that make me...well, me.
Everyone does crazy things. What do you do?
Nothing I do is truly "crazy" to me. It's all perfectly natural to and for me, I merely see things in a vastly different fashion that others simply do not.
What makes you happy?
I've spent a great deal of time writing about what makes me happy throughout the entirety of this journal. I hope one's memory is not so short that they would forget all that in a matter of minutes as they read through this.
Who makes you happy?
Nightmare and Esdeath.
I'd say I have three close friends (they know who they are) that inspire a form of happiness as well.
What is your biggest dream?
Not a dream anymore.
What do you love most about your life?
I believe I've already specified a significant amount of detail as what I truly love and value in my life, though I am happy to say that I sincerely do have aspects of my life that are deserving of loving.
When you’re sad how do you make yourself feel better?
I find that these days I'm rarely ever genuinely sad. Even if I am, I make myself focus on other things and remind myself that the things that sadden me are overall petty and hold no true impact in the grander scheme of things.
If you could change anything about yourself would you?
Well, I've had the desire to be taller. But it's nothing serious. I'm much more comfortable with myself in the present than I was previously.
What would you tell your past self?
Nothing. I've seen enough time travel stories to know that fucking with the past typically doesn't end well and I would not trade what I have now for a damn thing.
Or...perhaps on the opposite end of things, is the course life immutable? More than the once many years ago I tried to force myself to go against my nature, my instincts, my desires. And every time someone or something would come along to help course correct me.
Either way, I wouldn't say anything. Everything turned out just fine and then some in the end, after all.
Would you rather be yourself or follow the crowd?
Be myself. Always. I couldn't be anything less even if I tried.
Blending in has it's benefits, naturally. Even I can't deny that. But at the end of the day I would never dream of distorting myself and what is precious beyond all things to me just for the sake of conformity. I'm much better off embracing myself while there is still time than spending my time masquerading and denying myself.
If I were to be struck dead this very moment, I could safely say I would die with zero regrets. There's triumph to be had in that.