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About Literature / Hobbyist Alyssa.Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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day 305 of heartbreak.
"i know you love me."
darling ,
i love the way you look at me
with eyes full of adoration .
(but that gleam has disappeared)
i love the way we gab and gab
about nothing and everything
at the same time .
(but we haven't spent a 4am together
in quite some time)
i love the way we can fight through
the thorns of life together .
(but now my body is filled with splinters)
i love the way you tell me i'm beautiful
and i know you mean it in every way .
(but now you can't even stand the sight of me)
i'm going through the motions
of heartbreak ,
the stages of grief.
listening to your ramblings
about how you think you know me .
but the thing is ,
darling ,
that i now know myself
better than you ever could.
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 6 2
i miss having someone to miss.
"i know you miss me."
i miss falling asleep on the magic of a heartbeat. we ended up always yelling and fighting, but it all worked out when i got to feel that thumping on my cheek. until one day things couldn't be worked out. until one day the sound of your pounding heart lost its luster.
i miss touching-but-not-kissing lips. it was almost as if you could feel the love being passed between us. you still try to pull this trick on me, but my heart just doesn't fall for it anymore. it's not quite the same when the love is just droplets of booze.
i miss having fingers graze my delicate skin. it always lead to laughter or sweet talk or meaningful conversations or moans. the intimacy of the moment was always so astounding. now, it doesn't feel intimate. it just feels like you're trying to get my into a car.
i miss looking forward to what was going to happen every single day. phone calls, "good morning"s, welcome home embraces, stressful day sex. there was always something to help push me fo
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 4 5
that perfect little carving.
i wish
the lovely notes
i try to write you
could show you
how i feel .
i wish
the lovely notes
could make you see
the carvings of our initials
found on my heart .
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 5 0
pleasepleaseplease .
all i wanted
was to be able
to stand on my own ,
but now i'm sighing
and screaming
and bleeding
and you're too scared
to hold my hand .
don't be afraid .
my soul's too crushed
to do any harm .)
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 4 0
nine days.
sunlight pours through the shutters
just to burn the skin
that is my eyelids,
just to remind me of the words
whispered yesterday in one of our
late-night-disagreements .
and everything yearns
for the hospital.
aching legs, throbbing head,
& stomach acid crashing in waves
against the walls inside me .
but instead of dozing my way
to doctors and pills
and the smell of clean death,
i will doze my way
into the pale-freckled arms
of the one who cares
(a bit too much
about what i say) .
but he too
will become a missing persons
in my life
as we spread out from one coast
to the other .
* and as the bile
climbed its way up
my throat,
letters start forming words
in my empty mind
just to repeat
over & over..
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 5 0
goodbye (,) love .
when 'a new day'
only means getting closer
to the new day i will hate
& sunset
after sunset missed
will only remind me .
can we please
just forget the fights
(, the bleeding knuckles
, the fog-filled words
, the unanswered
questions.. ) ?
because the day will come
when i will let you know
that i have finally realized
that nothing ever mattered
except for everything .
and when my bright eyes
start to drift ,
i hope the light
will shine your way .
and baby ,
i hope the light
will show you
      the way .
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 7 4
life with a bitter name.
i once poured my heart out
to complete strangers,
but i fear now
that i could never be beautiful .
because i want to photograph my life
and i want to catch fireflies
to fill up a mason jar ,
but i never do
the things i say i will .
i want to drunkenly stumble to the ground
with the inentions
of staring through blurry eyes
at nature's nightlights .
i want to be able to scream
(that i love you)
and mean it
from the bottom of my soul .
but the pills are gone ,
and so are the dreams .
it seems to me
that i
will never
feel good enough
f o r y o u
to be happy .
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 10 6
eyes the color of smoke.
i want to be your drug .
i want to make your mouth water.
i want you to crave my taste.
i want to be the one
to help you fall asleep at night.
baby, just hold me real close .
because i want to get you higher
than anything you could ever smoke .
i want you to put your hands
around my face
and breathe me right on in .
because baby,
i can rock your world
& make you feel better
than you've ever felt before.
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 6 2
i found a liar at the bottom of the bottle .
[ wreak havoc on my body ,  dear  ,
because i don't have the option to do it myself . ]
red skin
& open wounds .
force your bloodshot eyes
to look my way ,
and i swear
to keep your attention .
because i pinky swore the devil
that i would always keep you happy
  ( he didn't say much more than
" good luck "
  as he slumped away with my sanity )
     when the world
   only sees you
  as a puddle
of bile
         that e from the town drunk's blue lips .
     you know you can never
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 7 13
Mature content
these demons. :iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 6 13
papercut heart.
i wrote you
a poem
but broken homes
and broken hearts
can't be mended
with loving words
and question marks
and in return ,
a papercut
straight across my pale chest
i flinch
as my rhymes and hope
reach my heart .
eye fluttering
and breath stopping ,
my soul dies .
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 13 8
the best advice comes from the broken .
. sort through
my unconscious mind
and you will find
the most meaningful advice .
firstly , find a man
who brings
the most beautiful tears
to your eyes .
secondly , sing a song
in a crowd of people
and don't worry
if your pitch
is awfully off .
thirdly , dive
beneath the waves
and embrace
the sting
of salt in your eyes .
fourthly , donate
your unconditional love
to those in need of it .
fifthly , procrastination
can sometimes be
your closest friend .
sixthly , hanging curtains
are much more beautiful
without blood stains .
seventhly , don't ever
feel that you are alone
( because i will always
be here for you) .
eightly , your song
is not meant to be chosen
by hand ; let it
gently drift
into your soul .
ninthly , faith
is not something
to be ashamed of .
tenthly , addiction
may be strong ,
but your will
is always stronger .
because i don't care
who you are ,
where you come from ,
what you do
or believe in .
all i know is this :
you deserve the best
this horrid world has to offer .
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 11 4
life lesson .
don't give up :
when their love
is spiraling downwards
and yours seems to be
too ,
when the cracks
seem to fall
right before your steps ,
when one hit
just isn't enough anymore ,
when every night
is the same old
disappointment ,
when he leaves you notes
not to tell you
he loves being with you,
but making you aware
that he doesn't want you ,
when the night brings back
perverted memories
and damp cheeks ,
when the metal crashes
and not in the beautiful way
you've always dreamed of ,
when saftey pins
are the only things
holding you together ,
when the love of your life
can't seem to confide in you
anymore ,
when they get you drunk
just to watch you fall ,
when your mouth
won't cooperate
with your heart ,
when no amount of soap
and raw skin
can make you feel clean
again ,
when the numbers
aren't as they seem ,
when you feel
the addiction
pulling the strings
of your soul ,
when you're face down
and emptying out ,
when life happens .
just please ,
don't give up.
because if one of u
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 14 12
beyond the Bible.
i punch the devil
in the sky
to earn your love
and give you your wings
now fly and fly ,
"old enough to know better
young enough not to care" .
don't trade your soul
for feathers
and weightless bones ,
because i still need you
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 10 2
those sad, sad faces.
i'm the biggest, and loneliest, i have ever been.
the bath towels littering my floor are so plain and not-covered-in-blood that i can barely stand it. they keep screaming, screaming my name. cover me. cover me. cover me. but i canNOT give in to the whims of every wrong breeze. and i won't. not for me or you or love or time. but for the sake of having something to dry my soapy tears in the middle of the night.
oh, how i wish you would take the time to understand that the faces i see in the midnight air do not give me the will to live.
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 8 10
tell me you love me.
you glance my way
as they scream the words
you should have said
:iconnightlylies:NightlyLies 10 0

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thinking with your mouth shut.
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Notebooks lay open,
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and pluck the meat from my bones,
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There isn't much time.
It's always in italics,
in half-whispers
and hollow, puckered lips.
:iconmerveilleux-terreur:merveilleux-terreur 5 26
I still have that bracelet you gave me for Christmas.
Shining, silver, and burried in my closet.
I also still have the paper airplanes that you sent me,
crumpled and marked with a penciled in
"I love you" that doesn't mean a thing.
Maybe, if you had written in pen, things would be different.
(Except we both know that I don't really believe that.)
Here is what you have of mine:
  one hundred fourteen days of my life,
        two hundred twenty-three "sweethearts",
nine hundred thirty-one "I love you, I love you, I love yous",
and a Beatles t-shirt.
You can keep my misinformed decisions, but I want my shirt back.
In a shoe box in my closet, there is
a carbon copy of the note that the counselor gave me,
excusing me from my sixth period class.
You were right when you said that
I was fine on my own, that I don't see
the world like you do.
I would never want you to be like me,
I wrote a letter to you once,
and then I re
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s t o r m s.
and you're young again
in the storm.
because he makes you think
of all the dark things
(like unhappy endings and the thought of leaving him behind)
and of all the sad thoughts
(like that people don't want your help, and nostalgic regrets)
that you were scared
to think of
and you're old for once
in the storm.
and he makes you think
of all the glory things
(like watching sunrises together and the power of invisibility)
and all the new things
(like that someone actually cares who you are for once)
that you hadn't quite
thought of
and you're alive, my dear
in this storm.
(if only it could be that way forever.)
:icontragicvista:tragicvista 8 3
        these will make you feel



Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States

    i feel i'm just here to decay,
    but maybe we'll put some meaning
    behind these eyes someday.

    i'm just one millisecond
    out of step with everyone else.

    and i just want you to know who i am.

    * my life has became quite eventful,
    so i'm not on here very often at all.
    sorry for the absence of responses.

Journal History



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DanceAndMakeRomance Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
NightlyLies Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
how are you on this wonderful day?
DanceAndMakeRomance Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
good! Hows you?
NightlyLies Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i'm doing pretty decent!
just going through the motions of college..
blech. d:
(1 Reply)
HugQueen Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   Writer
You're beautiful. <3
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