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Bionicle- Nova Orbis- Mystery- Chapter 3

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No CalorxVenti shipping, please. They're just really good pals.

Anyway, this chapter makes me want to bring up something that I knew would have to be delved into sooner or later... so we may as well, now.

Even so, the whole mixed gender element of this story is still a pretty confusing thing for the modern Matoran. Even as alive as they've become, they don't have actual sexes. They still don't have all the necessary... equipment... to reproduce like the Agori were able to (though some, like the Po-Matoran, are getting pretty close to evolving to such a point), so at least for now, the only thing that really determines male or female status is whether they have a "male" personality or "female" personality, as if there is any such thing (though I do draw some, such as Banhi, with expressions and builds that convey femininity). Color-coded genders is such an outdated concept, one that I know more than a few Bionicle fans are tired of.

So yeah, I know I'm blurring a lot of lines with this story and these characters. I know Greg Farshtey said that Matoran are incapable of love... not a brotherly love for your comrades or a heroic love for your people, but you know... THAT kind of love. Macku x Hewkii shippers feel dejected, myself included, and to be honest, I think he only said that because he felt pressured to or something, to keep this children's toy line from becoming too naughty... You know, puritanical western society, blablabla... though we can safely say that was thrown out the window in 2009 with the introduction of the Agori, hence the modern Matoran. So where does it end? Where does it START? Can Matoran have relationships? Can they be life partners? Can they find a soulmate in the face of one who shares their gender? How much does their color or gender factor into their choices? Is their gender REALLY a significant part of their person, or something superfluous? All of these are... well, let's just say it's not our business. ;)

I mean, we actually hear Calor say "Love you!" to Banhi, but it's that casual, spur of the moment way you'd say it to someone in your family or a friend you were really close to. They aren't actually an item, so don't go crazy just 'cause of that one line.

Again... I'm just showing how much the Matoran have become like us. Not just physically, but in the way they act.

Anyway, this is a pretty confusing time for the Matoran. They don't act like it because, well, this is all they know (this current generation, anyway), but I suppose you could think of these changes as being akin to going through puberty... only, you know, on a race-wide scale.

Sooooo yeah... that's all I'll say about that for now. Should make some good food for thought for the time being, though.

Anyway, as for this chapter... yeah, I did a time skip. I know it seems really early to do such a thing, but this is for the best. This is where the story's really going to take off. We have a lot of characters to juggle around, but to keep things from getting too jumpy, we'll be seeings thing play out from three characters' perspectives. Calor, Mieli, and Ahkmou. Anyone else they meet along the way will just sorta tag along with them until all of their stories converge into one later on in the first story arc.

Remember, this is "Mystery of The Toa Miro," as in, "Let's find out why the Toa Miro haven't come back." That's going to be the main focus of this first arc.

Yes, Matoran use actual beds, nowadays. Not a rock like in the old days, more like... a waterbed, but filled with thick goo. Some Matoran use blankets to keep warm, but for most, it makes so little of a difference that they don't bother... such as Mieli.

That motorboat has a lot of traditional system pieces thrown in there. It's nothing special, but still... I know there are a lot of brick snobs who have always hated Bionicle figures because "The pieces are so weird and complicated and you can't do ANYTHING with them!", so I threw that in there for them. ...Then again, they'll probably never read this story anyway, sooo..... eh.

We'll get a good look at another vehicle, Ahkmou's sandmobile, some other time. Yes, that would be a set if this had an actual toy line... so would Mieli's skiff. That would probably be the smallest and cheapest, and have a minifigure of her rather than an actual figure. Though, I suppose such a thing could also be made pretty easily for a Matoran sized figure if made with technic pieces.

While we're at it, I feel like bringing up just where the heck Ahkmou is...… I suppose I should've drawn the forest in the background of panel seven, but having the wounded Matoran pass through there just wouldn't work. I suppose I'll expand the northern border of the desert, but at the very least, we could say that Ahkmou's "gallery" is at the very fringe of it, a little ways past the forest. I know, it's screwy and inconsistent. Sorry.

I really love that last panel... and panel six.

Anyway, that's it for now! What do you guys think of the direction this story's taking as of this point?

It's be a coupla' weeks before the next chapter rolls around, as always, so feedback is much appreciated in the meantime.
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anonymous's avatar
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random1289's avatar
so we can assume that the mata, mahri/inika, and the rest of the toa that went to find the great beings are all either dead or turaga by now?
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Some of them are. The rest on are back on Sphereus Magna.
Sl33pdeprived's avatar
Sl33pdeprivedHobbyist Artisan Crafter
First thought
-a makuta survived the purge for lack of a better term.
-i was wondering so are the now no genderlocking for elements also are the matoran purly organic now confused by that.
-do you have mocs of all ur characters or did they come from your head?
will I see any one else I know from thousands of years ago?
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Not purely organic, just... more. And yeah, no more genderlocking.

They all came from my head, save one.

Sl33pdeprived's avatar
Sl33pdeprivedHobbyist Artisan Crafter
Ha nice ive tried to make. A world like this but setteld on a "side" story im writing slash have up takes place before the makuta truned intrested?
Sl33pdeprived's avatar
Sl33pdeprivedHobbyist Artisan Crafter
Wait ok as in yes? Or ok as in meh
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Okay as in go ahead.
Sl33pdeprived's avatar
Sl33pdeprivedHobbyist Artisan Crafter
well the tablet wontbwork so in look up sleepdeprivedluna thats me im open to any criticism u have so plzlet me know. als saw ur review of the protectors and toa nice coice on the prime music love those games
burkeonthesly's avatar
I'm back, finally, and hopefully for a while. Sorry about the absence.

This makes for an interesting read. There are places where the way you've constructed a sentence gives a slightly alien feel that I think serves to remind a reader that these aren't humans. The "he was unable to repossess his property" passage, as an example. On a first glance it seems a somewhat awkward sentence, but it forces the reader to try to reorient their way of thinking to fit it, and the mindset that would phrase things that way. Clever.

I do see a few homonym errors throughout, that might be caught by another editing read-through. Peaking for peeking, too for to, minor things. You're still having some verb-tense agreement problems as well.

I could have wished for some insight into what those mysterious dreams were, but if Mieli is acting out the dream she just had, I can understand how showing us how it ended might tip your hand. Still, it's problematic to read a character reflecting on how strange their dream was, and know nothing of the dream being considered. Don't tell your readers that the dream is strange, show them a glimpse of it so they can feel confusion for themselves.

Finally, it's good to be back.
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Oh, you'll see how the rest of the dream plays out... literally. And yeah, I can't seem to go a chapter without making some crazy errors. I do intend to reread the entire thing one of these days soley to pick out every one I can find.

Anyhow, good to see you're back.
burkeonthesly's avatar
Looking forward to it.

It's good to be back. The bullshit season is done at work for a while, and wish me luck on getting a new job before it comes around again.
hmm... there's more to that rahi...
Jetzul's avatar
Am I the only one who got this deep pit of sadness when it was the silhouette of the Pohatu carving, and no one but Ahkmou knew he was a hero too? Like...AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Yeah..... that's just how far away we are from the old world.
Innodence's avatar
InnodenceHobbyist General Artist
im assuming you want us to ship calor and mieli?
NickOnPlanetRipple's avatar
Oyee's avatar
OyeeProfessional Filmographer
You know you're just pouring oil on the fire with that whole puberty thing. XD I've already made a comment on this over on BZP, but let me reiterate myself, this is awesome. I'm so interested what happens with Ahkmou next. 8D
Mace3739's avatar
This is one of my fav fan fics, and I love your use of lighting, it's so amazing! Also I think Ahkmou is seriously under utilized by the Bionicle story, but I also think that that's what makes him interesting. It gives fans the chance to write him and his journey their way. He can be portrayed as finding his way fully into the dark side, or slowly crawling his way back to the light. 
Gonzoflyer's avatar
Finally, Ahkmou does something useful and non selfish!
TheICombaticon's avatar
TheICombaticonHobbyist General Artist
The plot thickens...

Always look forward to these; seeing all the thought that goes into everything and how well done the pacing and story are is always a joy (not unlike the original Bionicle series, the more I think about it...)
Innodence's avatar
InnodenceHobbyist General Artist
i like what you've done with the Le-toa look!
dcaldwell101's avatar
dcaldwell101Hobbyist Artist
I'm curious when does this take place?
anonymous's avatar
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